***
The Checklist Syndrome
by Jessica Lim
A "checklist" syndrome is the biggest stumbling block when it comes to Singaporeans finding spouses, said dating experts.
This list of expectations applies not just for potential mates but also for themselves in, say, career.
Commenting on a survey's findings released earlier this week that found that singles yearned to tie the knot one day, but had not found their ideal partner, or wanted to focus on their career first, several dating experts The Straits Times spoke to blamed one thing: the checklist.
Owner of dating agency Clique Wise, Mr Jackiey Kwek, who has spoken to about 10,000 single Singaporeans since it opened six years ago, said: "They've hit a certain point in their career. They have a high-paying job, a big house, a nice car. They now want a soulmate who can fit into their lifestyle."
The 38-year-old has had clients with PhDs who insist on dating only PhD holders. Some give him a list of professions they want their prospective date to be in. Pilot, doctor, lawyer and banker come up tops in this list.
Dating agencies said women typically want a spouse who earns more, is taller and older, at least as educated, exudes confidence and has reached a certain rank within a company.
"I tell my lady clients, happiness doesn't always come at 1.75m," said Ms Violet Lim, founder of Lunch Actually, chuckling.
Men, on the other hand, typically hope to clinch a date with someone who is pleasant-looking, slim and family-oriented. Some also ask to date women lower on the career ladder than they are.
Associate professor of sociology at the National University of Singapore Paulin Tay Straughan, who teaches a module for freshmen called "The Social Construction of Romantic Love", thinks the checklists for women have become longer - the result of educated women wanting men who can add value to their lives.
"They want what is portrayed as the ideal match. Look at how love is portrayed on TV. There is hardly ever a show where a hero is shorter than a heroine," she said. "We are a slave to societal norms."
"The minute you have a relationship where friends think your partner is not good-looking, or parents think he is not good enough, doubts are seeded," she said. "Everyone is chasing a fairy tale."
Her advice is for singles to just go out with different people and not hold out for that ideal partner.
She said: "As long as you date and expand your social circle, in time, you will come to know what you really want and not what society says you should want."
However, expanding one's social circle may not be easy.
The owners of Lunch Actually, Clique Wise and other dating agencies like Affinity Again said most of their clients meet fewer than 10 new people a year.
The owner of Affinity Again, Ms Betty Goh, said: "They say they are working. After work, they go home and rest. When they do go out, it's with friends they already know."
Ms Susan Low, 28, a graduate in economics and finance from RMIT University in Australia, has been single for the past decade.
The bank manager admits that she does not meet many new people socially. She has gone on several dates set up by friends but these did not lead to anything.
Her checklist? An older man with at least a university degree and who is not overly religious. She is not particular about the job he holds.
Recounting a recent incident when she chatted someone up at a party and got monosyllabic replies, she said: "In Singapore... men don't strike up conversations that frequently. It's not easy."
So what are the solutions?
Ms Lim called it a "numbers game". "Out of 10 new people you meet, there may be mutual attraction with maybe four, and maybe in the end, one will work out.
"Go for singles events. Widen the number of people you meet. Be proactive."
Mr Kwek of Clique Wise suggests changes in three areas - at home, school and work. Schools can have more co-ed activities, he said, adding that employers can help staff mingle via, say, wine- tasting activities.
"Parents should also encourage relationships at school. Stop saying that studies come first."
Schools said they leave students alone when it comes to relationships. The senior director for marketing and communications at Singapore University of Technology and Design, Ms Corinna Choong, said its student population has a good mix of boys and girls. "The students mingle on their own and pair up by themselves. The school doesn't interfere in this aspect," she added.
***
Many single people brandish unrealistic wants; but it's no fault of theirs because it is how 'concept' are being taught to us in school - "Aim higher, study hard and you will achieve great results."
Somehow this mantra doesn't really work as effective in relationship as compared to studies.
The paradox of love is that aiming higher or dreaming of perfection does not always lead to satisfactory results. Also, hardworking folks labouring in love does not always lead to satisfactory result. One does not simply win in love by sheer hard work - it takes some level of wisdom and understanding to put all that effort to conjure the most amazing magical effect.
Many guys reckon that if one is rich, he can get any woman he wants. Not necessarily true. Below is the proposal of Flamboyant billionaire Jho Low surprise engagement proposal for Elva Hsiao. The proposal is rumoured to cost of £1m (RM4.9 million).
Details is as follows:
(1) The event took place on a private beach at pricey hotel resort Atlantis, The Palm – the most famous hotel on the island of Palm Jumeirah, off Dubai.
(2) Couple arriving in a black Rolls-Royce and strolling to the beach, where candles are laid out in a gigantic Valentine heart.
(3) The couple, holding each other, then proceed to dine on an luxurious set – claimed to be the work of Dubai’s architectural and interior design firm Ali Bakhtiar Designs – as a laser show outlines the couple’s silhouette.
(4) The couple enjoy their meal while being serenaded by a harpist and a violinist. It is no ordinary violin either, for it is studded with what appears to be precious stones.
(5) Breaking the romantic tone, several parachutists descend from the sky and land on the beach to present Hsiao with jewellery made by Swiss luxury brand Chopard.
However, the outrageous extravagance was reportedly not enough to move Hsiao’s heart. Apple Daily says it understands that Hsiao (right), 33, rejected the proposal and only saw Low, 31, as a “little brother”. The newspaper also reported that a spokesperson had denied claims that Low had proposed to Hsiao at the event, stressing that it was just a “romantic dinner”.
Penang-born Low, who is reportedly part of Prime Minister Najib Abdul Razak’s inner circle, is best known for his attempts to woo American socialite Paris Hilton and hard partying habits with his A-list friends in the United States.
Low, whose real name is Low Taek Jho, is the son of a Penang tycoon who reportedly has close links with Middle Eastern investors.
Locally, he is reportedly involved with the Terengganu Investment Authority (TIA) – now known as the 1Malaysia Development Bhd (1MDB) – and UBG Bhd, which is owned by the family of Sarawak Chief Minister Abdul Taib Mahmud.
Perfect proposal? Still futile in the end.
0 comments:
Post a Comment