Originally posted by Prophecy_Master
Hi all.
I am in my mid twenties.
My current girl friend has been with my for 6 years now we plan to get married in time to come, say 5 years later after we complete our studies.
The thing is, once I saw someone who looked like my first love, Melissa. For that moment lots of thoughts and memories just came back regarding her. I was quite shaken, because having been in a long term relationship for so long that I stopped thinking about other girls and I see all the females around me as just plain friends.
But just the thought of my first love, I get all the fuzzy feeling and numbing sensation in my mind. I know I love my current g/f dearly, but I can’t help but think of how is my first love doing? Does she need help?
A part of me still wants to care for her, or at least know how she is doing. I lost contact with her for at least 9 years now, but I just can’t stop feeling that way about her.
There seemed to be some unresolved chapters in your life; it randomly spark this undying passion which nefariously raised itself from the love grave and comes back haunting you. As much as you feel that you are concerned about her well being, but think about this: she has survived nine years of her life without your presence, hence what you are feeling is purely delusional.
Let sleeping dragon lie; there is no damsel in distress to save.
It’s a real irony to see people lament about this particular person they couldn’t have, while having to possess everything they need in love currently. If you plan to execute plans like looking back at your past and taking active steps to revisit old chapters, you are at risk of sacrificing or damaging the state of your relationship.
No bank is too big to fail - no relationship is too strong to crumble.
Basically all it takes one unwise step.
Think about it.
Cheers
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Aunt Agony 270610
Originally posted by bambixd:
hi,
Im a chinese guy in my 20s. i have been secretly crossdressing since i was about 14 years old, and have been leading this sort of hidden identity for all this while.
I started getting involved with men sexually about 2 years back, and I wouldd say that I love men more than anything else in my life at this point of time. I simply wake up each day, looking forward to dressing sexy n getting men into my bed.
The thing is, I have been hiding this hiiden life all this while. I feel very tired of pretending to be a str8 guy. Furthermore, Im tired of having to meet guys secretly, such as when no1 is home...blah. In short, I amtired of hiding. I have not many friends, so I am not scared of losing friends. I am only afraid of telling my family.
My partners have been encouraging me to come open, but I m afraid. I know my mum will never be able to accept it if I told her... and I love her, so I dont want to hurt her. But I am so tired of hiding...
What should I do???
You got to consider your overall intention well because once you decide on your course of action, there is no turning back. Knowing your real identity is important, but you must be prepared that once you open that first door, all the other doors will open by itself because words will definitely travel and you cannot control them, even if you told only your mother/parents.
Some people can continue life in this fashion, while others have a need to make it open so as to 'reveal' this real identity of theirs. In reality, there is no easy solution, only decision that you are comfortable to undertake after you put in serious consideration.
Be prepared for backlash should you decide to tell.
The cost of liberty is often much sacrifices.
Cheers
hi,
Im a chinese guy in my 20s. i have been secretly crossdressing since i was about 14 years old, and have been leading this sort of hidden identity for all this while.
I started getting involved with men sexually about 2 years back, and I wouldd say that I love men more than anything else in my life at this point of time. I simply wake up each day, looking forward to dressing sexy n getting men into my bed.
The thing is, I have been hiding this hiiden life all this while. I feel very tired of pretending to be a str8 guy. Furthermore, Im tired of having to meet guys secretly, such as when no1 is home...blah. In short, I amtired of hiding. I have not many friends, so I am not scared of losing friends. I am only afraid of telling my family.
My partners have been encouraging me to come open, but I m afraid. I know my mum will never be able to accept it if I told her... and I love her, so I dont want to hurt her. But I am so tired of hiding...
What should I do???
You got to consider your overall intention well because once you decide on your course of action, there is no turning back. Knowing your real identity is important, but you must be prepared that once you open that first door, all the other doors will open by itself because words will definitely travel and you cannot control them, even if you told only your mother/parents.
Some people can continue life in this fashion, while others have a need to make it open so as to 'reveal' this real identity of theirs. In reality, there is no easy solution, only decision that you are comfortable to undertake after you put in serious consideration.
Be prepared for backlash should you decide to tell.
The cost of liberty is often much sacrifices.
Cheers
Thursday, June 03, 2010
Aunt Agony 030610
Originally posted by JumRam:
what should i do, was in love with her even before she married. But she is not interested in me. Now she is married, i am still in love with her.
She has moved on and you have refused to - despite the passing of time.
Since this isn't a problem for her (other than that being an issue for you), how long would it take for you to perceive that and move along in life?
By retaining yourself, it serves no purpose other than dwelling in a narcissistic form of love.
Cheers
what should i do, was in love with her even before she married. But she is not interested in me. Now she is married, i am still in love with her.
She has moved on and you have refused to - despite the passing of time.
Since this isn't a problem for her (other than that being an issue for you), how long would it take for you to perceive that and move along in life?
By retaining yourself, it serves no purpose other than dwelling in a narcissistic form of love.
Cheers
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
Aunt Agony 010610
Originally posted by Fannao388:
I am married with a teenage daughter. I am not at all with my hubby since years back. He is always giving priority to his frds and family. If his frd or family and I were to make an appt on the same day same time he will tell me he has to go out with his frd or family .. and ask me to wait for the following week. However, due to his shift work, he has only one precious weekend every mth for us, and very often he give priority to his frds and family instead of me and daughter.
4-5 years back I nearly divorce him due to travelling plans. I have been wanting to go to Japan or Vietnam for years, but every year he will tell me next year we will go and every year he agree to wherever his family plan to go. Even the place that i hated most China and Taiwan. He keep asking me to wait for him to save up enough for my place but every time he will spend his saving going to places I dont really want to go. As our money are limited when we go to these other places my Japan and Vietnam got to wait for another year. I was very angry and after this last china trip with his family I said lets divorce I am not willing to wait endlessly for the place i want to go. Since his family do not support going to places that i wanted to go i also have no interest to go back every week too.
With this divorce, he suddenly has available cash to go Japan with us .. just the 3 of us family. and asked me to put off the divorce plan. and since then i havent been going back to his family for all the occasions not even chinese new year. Till now, none of the in law have ever called to asked me why.. they just treat as nothing happn so hubby 2 treat as ntg happen..
recently, a married colleague expressed interest in me // and he really treated me very well .. much better than my husband .. he said he dont want anything bad to happen to me (while my hubby keep saying if he is heaven he would like to let me be CHIAK LUK) i initially tried to pull out of the relationship..but pulling out had been rather difficult cos we get to see each other every day in the office. I am now thinking whether to continue or to pull out .. my brain say stop all these nonsense and my heart said go for it
how?
You are skating on thin ice. Precariously thin ice.
I can sense that you are lost because you are frustrated with your marriage - being unappreciated by your husband whom you thought that he wasn't making effort to work on your marriage - and simultaneously, you are faced with a pull factor of a man who has expressed his interest in you. The only thing that is holding you back is probably your daughter and perhaps the homeostasis of being used to certain form of stability your marriage has provided you - despite being unhappy about it.
Presenting choice might be attractive, but without understanding the dimension of your real issue, it might turn out to be a form of escapism... somewhat a crafty illusion that veil behind a potential karmic relationship, which might lead to a domestic tragedy (Afflicted Neptune/Saturn).
Why is it so?
Your intense frustration generates a powerful push factor for you to accept the bait presented by this man. This deal comes with a condition, in which I termed it as an 'inability to commit'. It is not the problem of a man being married (which is a moral statement), but rather, it is a problem of a person who cannot provide you the commitment you would need in long term to dissolve this discontentment in your love life. For a period, he probably functions as a paracetamol, addressing merely the symptoms but nowhere near the cause.
What really happens from a graph's perspective lies with the path of your deep anguish meeting the path of his need for a company at point X. The common factor is that both of you cannot commit. As such, it seemed a lot easier for cheating to happen because since there are some huge innate dissatisfaction within, both of you would probably unconsciously decide that it might seemed 'easier' to transgress than to work on your respective issue with spouse.
Therefore, your desire to flee may not be 'attraction' or 'love' but an avenue for avoidance behaviour to cope with your dissatisfaction in your marriage.
The shelving of issues in marriage would only seek to build resentment and accumulate intense hatred that would shatter your relationship into millions of fragmented glass pieces. By then, it would be challenging to even want to do anything about it because it would be so broken to try to mend anything.
From what I am seeing, communication lines are so damage that there are actually much emotional underlying current, even if the marriage appears to be 'surviving'. However, before making any decision/s involving this married man, I suggest that you speak to your husband about the reality of your marriage, to such extend that if this fails, you might want to seek a common agreement (and willingness) on finding a marital counsellor if both of you still wish to save/work on this marriage.
P.S: A common real problem is when the wife sees a problem to their marriage, which contradict with their man's thinking (or denying) that there is an existing problem. This is a classic communication breakdown phenomenon.
Cheers
I am married with a teenage daughter. I am not at all with my hubby since years back. He is always giving priority to his frds and family. If his frd or family and I were to make an appt on the same day same time he will tell me he has to go out with his frd or family .. and ask me to wait for the following week. However, due to his shift work, he has only one precious weekend every mth for us, and very often he give priority to his frds and family instead of me and daughter.
4-5 years back I nearly divorce him due to travelling plans. I have been wanting to go to Japan or Vietnam for years, but every year he will tell me next year we will go and every year he agree to wherever his family plan to go. Even the place that i hated most China and Taiwan. He keep asking me to wait for him to save up enough for my place but every time he will spend his saving going to places I dont really want to go. As our money are limited when we go to these other places my Japan and Vietnam got to wait for another year. I was very angry and after this last china trip with his family I said lets divorce I am not willing to wait endlessly for the place i want to go. Since his family do not support going to places that i wanted to go i also have no interest to go back every week too.
With this divorce, he suddenly has available cash to go Japan with us .. just the 3 of us family. and asked me to put off the divorce plan. and since then i havent been going back to his family for all the occasions not even chinese new year. Till now, none of the in law have ever called to asked me why.. they just treat as nothing happn so hubby 2 treat as ntg happen..
recently, a married colleague expressed interest in me // and he really treated me very well .. much better than my husband .. he said he dont want anything bad to happen to me (while my hubby keep saying if he is heaven he would like to let me be CHIAK LUK) i initially tried to pull out of the relationship..but pulling out had been rather difficult cos we get to see each other every day in the office. I am now thinking whether to continue or to pull out .. my brain say stop all these nonsense and my heart said go for it
how?
You are skating on thin ice. Precariously thin ice.
I can sense that you are lost because you are frustrated with your marriage - being unappreciated by your husband whom you thought that he wasn't making effort to work on your marriage - and simultaneously, you are faced with a pull factor of a man who has expressed his interest in you. The only thing that is holding you back is probably your daughter and perhaps the homeostasis of being used to certain form of stability your marriage has provided you - despite being unhappy about it.
Presenting choice might be attractive, but without understanding the dimension of your real issue, it might turn out to be a form of escapism... somewhat a crafty illusion that veil behind a potential karmic relationship, which might lead to a domestic tragedy (Afflicted Neptune/Saturn).
Why is it so?
Your intense frustration generates a powerful push factor for you to accept the bait presented by this man. This deal comes with a condition, in which I termed it as an 'inability to commit'. It is not the problem of a man being married (which is a moral statement), but rather, it is a problem of a person who cannot provide you the commitment you would need in long term to dissolve this discontentment in your love life. For a period, he probably functions as a paracetamol, addressing merely the symptoms but nowhere near the cause.
What really happens from a graph's perspective lies with the path of your deep anguish meeting the path of his need for a company at point X. The common factor is that both of you cannot commit. As such, it seemed a lot easier for cheating to happen because since there are some huge innate dissatisfaction within, both of you would probably unconsciously decide that it might seemed 'easier' to transgress than to work on your respective issue with spouse.
Therefore, your desire to flee may not be 'attraction' or 'love' but an avenue for avoidance behaviour to cope with your dissatisfaction in your marriage.
The shelving of issues in marriage would only seek to build resentment and accumulate intense hatred that would shatter your relationship into millions of fragmented glass pieces. By then, it would be challenging to even want to do anything about it because it would be so broken to try to mend anything.
From what I am seeing, communication lines are so damage that there are actually much emotional underlying current, even if the marriage appears to be 'surviving'. However, before making any decision/s involving this married man, I suggest that you speak to your husband about the reality of your marriage, to such extend that if this fails, you might want to seek a common agreement (and willingness) on finding a marital counsellor if both of you still wish to save/work on this marriage.
P.S: A common real problem is when the wife sees a problem to their marriage, which contradict with their man's thinking (or denying) that there is an existing problem. This is a classic communication breakdown phenomenon.
Cheers
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