Aunt Agony 160709 (Follow up on AA 280209)

Originally posted by Jerry1:
Hi Folks,

I am back again..After 4 months after the incident which I've posted the thread below..I am still facing the same problems again..I am having the same old fears..I scared of being played out althought my gf sweared to me many times that she will not do such things ever again, will shoot by thunder etc..if any problem happens between us she will make sure that we do not have any links before she can find someone else to take care of her..But I cannot stop asking her for assurance every now and then and I also do not know what is wrong with me?

I do have a past history of OCD and was cured with medications 4 years ago and it seems to be triggered back again after feb 09 when I posted the thread below after knowing her past..

I really do not know how to make myself trust my gf, she was truthful to me for the past 7 months we been together..She also changed alot like starting to save money..Do not spend on unnecessary things..Also she will avoid any strange msn guys, also delete off any speeddate guys messages..She will discuss me on things first before proceeding..She also rejected some pervert msn guys looking for sex partners after I peep at her old msn history logs.

I also have a peep of her old msn history with the 2nd guy whom she was involved with in the previous thread.. Althought I know that she was dubed into such arrangements with that guy after seeing those messages.. "She kept on telling that guy that they should remain as friends and not to treat her so nice: (不要对我这样好就可以了) because she knows that there will be no outcome between them..but that guy kept on pesting her/treated her very nicely, told her that he cannot leave her & promised to give her commitments etc even if the family objects" She then decided to give that guy a chance for him to love her.

Another conversation with a mutual msn fren of her's after tat incident was: (真的好累好累！很想找一个来依靠。。可是原来世界不是我想象那样完美的咯！兜了一大圈原来到最后全部都是假的。。。所以我开始越来越不相信很多东西了。。其实我也是一个普通女孩子而已，难道要找一个真爱那么难吗? 我付出的我从没有要求回报过，可是到最后我给人家弄得多么残吗？别人把我当傻瓜。。)

After seeing those messages secretly, everyone in the right mind will think of her being played out & learned her lessons. But I still can't seem to stop worrying after all the information I've known and after her giving me lots of assurance.

I think my OCD is causing all these and wanted to put a stop to it.. I know that even if I get another gf with a nice background, this OCD will be causing problems between us..



Your association with OCD might have suggested generic links that might actually require intervention on the biological aspect of your issue other than just tweaking of psycho-social environment. To improve your overall competence in handling your own crisis, you might want to seek professional consultation to decide if your OCD is making a comeback.

If biology is indeed part of the influence, then there’s only so much your environment could do to reassure you. Only your psychiatrist can decide if medication or other form of intervention is needed to improve that aspect of your vulnerability.

However, for everything else, in name of all that mistrust (which you have decided that you can’t help but feel this way), it is but a devil in your emotional mind that constantly play tricks on your negative feelings. Your negativity will perpetuate a self-fulfilling prophesy and you will likely end up immolating your own relationship, even if it originally doesn’t steer towards doom fire.

The relationship doesn’t need another person to ruin it – by the natural flow of situation (without considering other factors) - this person will end up being yourself; you will suicide this relationship with your doings.

You see: she doesn’t need to cheat you – your mind would have probably succeeded in cheating you first, by distorting your reality and providing you deluded perspectives. For love cannot be chained – your effort spared to investigate her daily living will promote mistrust between couple and over the time, this behavior will consume you like how a demon would ensorcelled a foolish seeker to give up his soul.

Between Love and Fear – when you end up losing this relationship – Fear would have glee sadistically at your decision to believe in its false reality. And Love, which has the potential to blossom into a great relationship, is now nothing but withering and dead, with multiple stab wounds punctured by a blind man.

Love is blind – because most people end up destroying their relationship unconsciously. One that walks with no vision is no different from one that walks with no self awareness.

Both are blinded, albeit in different state.

Cheers