Aunt Agony 200614

Originally posted by Undiscoveredsoul98:

I just need some opinions. Lately ive been helping a best gal friend of mine with money. Ive started giving her some small sum every month as an allowance for her as she is financially drained. 

She knows i love her but she rejected cuz she told me she didnt wanna risk losing the friendship. That was 5 years ago. And recently, she did told me she likes me more than a friend but not to the level of bf. she even call me her special guy friend as im her only guy friend she trust with all her heart. 

Im helping without asking anything in return. I did so because i love her is one thing. Secondly, she needs help and she is a best friend so i cant bear to leave her behind with problem. And she is single again so she cant ask her ex bf for help. 

Ive never hated her or hold grudges against her for rejecting me. She knows that ive always respected her decision even if it hurt my feelings. I know im not gaining anything by doing this for her. But i love her and im ready to sacrifice things for her.

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A guy friend loves his best girl friend whom only considered him as a best friend wrote her a note saying he has to distant himself from her cuz of the pain he had to deal with of not able to have her. 

After reading his note, she replied to him. She says he can take all the time off he wants but pleaded never to leave her for good or end the friendship. Cuz his absence breaks her heart and him being gone for good is like a missing puzzle piece in her life. She even said she is angry at herself for not able to return his love for her. She will wait for him to come back to her when he is ready to resume the friendship. This guy is her only guy friend she treasured. She felt bad for the whole situation and she cried a lot after reading the note. They had been friends for 10 years.

Is it a good or bad thing? Why cry over a guy whom u dont even love as more than friend? Would appreciate if someone can give a more neutral feedback rather giving negative comments like "friendzone".


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I know im not gaining anything but why i still do it? Cuz i rather she take my money than she ask from others who would most probably try to advantage of her. Like some men would ask for sex in return. And is it so wrong to give without expecting any returns? Shouldnt love  be abt giving without expecting?




That is assuming that her tears represented love for you, in which I reckoned that it may not necessarily be so.

You may be doing this out of affection, but symbolically, what you might crave is the desired affection you are been unable to obtain successfully thus far. Unconsciously, you might be secretly hoping that something triggers inside her, mystically blossoming into a relationship somehow. Naturally if possible, but more critically, the affection must be mutual.  

Though you may claim that you have no motive behind your action, but I will quote what you mentioned in your earlier post:

[quote] Cuz i rather she take my money than she ask from others who would most probably try to advantage of her [/quote]

That appears to be a warped form of elaborated bribery to keep your woman at bay from other men. I am not attacking the genuineness of your friendship with her - neither am I concluding your action to an aspect of moral behaviour (between 'rightness' or 'wrongness'). It is your thinking process... the rationale of your action that doesn't quite go in sync with your action per se.

My greatest curiosity is not about the act of helping a friend in need, but why the need for 'overly indebtedness' on your part to help a friend in need? When you combine this with unrequited affection from the past, you basically created loads of self confusion via having self justifying principles to effectively disguise the true nature of your motivation.

You may have a coveted need - your need to feel needed by her. So whatever responsive cue she exudes could be masqueraded in your mind as a form of love affection easily.

And this is the point I am driving at; her responses are not necessarily driven by love

You may disagree, but given the fact that the fate on the outcome of your 'relationship' has already been decided by her - which somehow still doesn't give birth to any structural formation of a BGR regardless of the amount of positive feelings, regards or responses she has for you - the unfortunately reality is that she may not be into you romantically.

Indebtedness is not love; you just cannot convert an apple into orange because these are two separate things. What you see as love for her could be a pursuit of blind obsession to get her affection, which may turn out to be a mirage of a karmic relationship.

Cheers