Aunt Agony 271213

Originally posted by Oldkamhouse:

Recently I changed job...to a new place...

At my working place, I am suppose to work closely with girl A. So the new company sent us both to Germany for a job assignment for a month. After work, she would ask me out to accompany her for dinner, shopping, theatres, walk around, coffee. Weekends, we would both plan trips to Venice, Paris and Switzerland like a couple. At that time, I began to fall for her. I develop feelings for her because I rarely have the chance to be one to one with a girl...as pretty as she is.

However, moment we landed spore, her whole attitude changed. I ask her out for a drink, she declined. And then she began to distance herself from me. We both had a small quarrel over work. THen I began to distance myself from Girl A. Girl A even told my other colleagues about me trying to court her. Some of the co workers began to kepo and ask me about my ties to her.

Then came girl B. As a result of my struggle with my new job and my new boss's disatisfaction with my performance, i had to worked hard till late night to earn my boss's favor. During that time, girl B also worked late at office. So she began to text and use the company messenger to talk to me. We both at times conversate until 11pm at office. Girl B is sort of sweet and nice girl. She's a Ipoh so her personality is a bit different from those typical princess singaporean girls like girl A. I didn't want to ask girl B out because of the trouble caused by girl A, I didn;t want to sully my reputation anymore. But I did double check girl B's status, ask one colleague in her team whether she is single or not, the reply was that she's single.

Then after some weeks, girl B got some buquet of flowers from the florists. I became disappointed because I thought it was from her boyfriend.

Then it came to the end of my confirmation, my cruel boss decided not to confirm me. My boss wanted to do all sorts of things, like accuse me of things I didn't do to kick me out from office. So in order not to have a bad record to tarnish my reputation, I made a deal with my boss and the company HR...that they would not sully my records if I offer to resign peacefully. This is to ensure when new employers do reference check, there would not be any so-called performance improvemnet program or non-confirmation sacking letters in my HR record (i refuse to sign them anyway)....

In exchange for the deal...I help them to clear my work. So during that time..i worked late to help girl A to finish up the work. girl A was very stressful, from there, she saw my honesty and hard work. So she apologised to me for her rude behaviour and gave me a dinner treat at an expensive restaurant. We both parted ways in good manner. I never pursue A, because I knew we both are not compatible.

Then on the day of my resignation (i kept low key, never tell anybody at office), somehow rumor spread..girl B, message me to tell me how shocked she was to hear that i was resigning. She say that she will miss me. I told her that we could still keep in touch.

Fast forward...2 months later, at my new office. I suddenly got a text from girl B, asking me where am I working and how am I. Me not wanting to give infor for free...ask her if she could organise a gathering within our ex-colleagues..then I can tell her. I wanted to have an opportunity or excuse to meet her in a group so as not to make her think i am a despo. She said she could not do so because everyone else was busy and was taking leave.

So I wanted for another week, i was taking things slowly...not wanting to put too much pressure on her. I ask her if she was free or not. She said she is not free until next year 2014. But she told me, I can ask her out...near her place...because she doesn;t like to travel far, as long as we can have lunch, or dinner or tea time during the weekends. During the week days, she work late, as usual. So she doesn;t have time to come out.

I ask her about thsoe flowers she receive last time at office. She told me that it was from her girl friends who gave her those flowers for her birthday.

Then we both made some jokes...she joke and ask me why I so secretive never tell where I work..then i said...you come out with me for dinner then i tell you. Her answer is "haha...ok".

So now, my question is...should I ask her out? How should I approach this? Take it slowly? Its just that i am a bit concern of our big age gap..you see, i am 36, she's 27. You think it will work?




I am actually curious on what is it about the age gap that is stopping you from advancing. Specifically, I am wondering how much of the experience you had with Girl A actually negatively affected the way you are going to proceed with Girl B.

Presently, both of you are employed in different companies. Hence, office politics from your previous workplace shouldn't technically harm either one of you professionally; after all, even if you are indeed dating Girl B - it's truly your own private life.

You might want to gain some degree of self acceptance to the above thought processing first as I sensed some form of inner resistance from you as somehow, you kept referencing 'unimportant' people in your life (my hypothesis) to make significant decision (namely your love affairs).

So how should you proceed? Well, since you don't really know her as a person beyond mundane description of nice and sweet - you can start getting to know her better? And you can help yourself by being genuine in wanting to know her and be less bothered by immaterial details such as age for now. If age is an issue, the process of knowing her will reveal to you mystically.

Cheers