Aunt Agony 120812

Originally posted by Yeom89:

My bf is 26 and I'm 23 this year. I'm still a virgin but he's not, he had slept with 3 of his ex gfs before. We are really different in our personalities, individual lives and the way we were brought up. He also told me before that he was attacted to me because I am everything he isn't. He was the bad boy when he was younger (in the eyes of our families and our friends) but thankfully for him, his family is quite well off, thus they sent him to UK to do his A levels and degree. While I'm the goody girl next door whom follows the nicely planned out route for me. I've also met his family but he isn't ready to meet mine because he is worried how they would judge his past. When his mum saw me, she actually asked him if he was serious with me and told him not to hurt him in any way.

We have been dating for 1 month, we are doing all fine and good. He asked to make love nearly all the times we were on bed and we did everything except sex already. I told him that I'm still not ready and he's willingly to wait and didn't force me any further. But I could tell that he really wants to make love together.

Anyway, he drove me to somewhere really romantic last night and we started kissing, the mood was really right. After that, he wanted to send me home but I wanted to sleep over at his place (I've been staying over his place quite regularly already and he's staying alone) He then told me that if we go to his place like that, we would end up doing it. I didn't say anything and I just wanna spend the whole night with him. I could really feel that this time the mood was a little different and my hands are shivering. I guess I was prepared already to give myself totally to him, and at the last moment before he inserted into me, he turned away, laughed and said 'Now you're ready and I'm not.' He said he loves me too much and he knows that I see virginity as smt very impt and he wants me sure that he's worthy of it. Why didn't he want to do it with me when he's been asking for it? I'm confused..


It doesn't matter whether he has slept with 3-exs or if you hold conservative value of having virginal purity until marriage - at the end of the day, it lies somewhere between what both of you are willing to compromise and negotiate, in consideration of each other's value and in view of a long term relationship.

It seem that you are physically comfortable with him, which is a signal that you do enjoy some degree of close intimacy. As much as you are thinking and working out your 'risk profile' analysis, he is also working out if he should 'negotiate' his own sexual needs to give you the respect you need because he knows that it is important to you.

I am not suggesting that your man doesn't want sex - like how you have sense it, he probably wanted it. The difference might be the fact that his previous gfs might not hold that kind of value that you do (as strongly) or he might want to 'try a different approach' to the way he manage his relationship.

The possibilities are endless, but I would choose to see it as a good sign - that your man made the decision and did what you have described. Do not attribute it as a weakness personally, in which you might have deem yourself less attractive in any ways. 'Physical Touch' is only one mode of expression in love; after all, we have other four languages of love (namely: Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts and Acts of Services). A balance relationship would also have a good mix of the other expressions in love.

Cheers