Aunt Agony 290111

Originally posted by Naive Bayes:

I have been lurking around for some time here, and I have an issue that has been bugging me for almost a year. I do not have anybody close enough that I can relate to, so I guess this is the next best place to voice my emotions.

I killed a friendship I had with a lady a year back. This lady was really somebody I truely treasured, but I killed the friendship because I had unwittingly fell in love with her and said things that should have been left unspoken. As a result, she wasn't too pleased with me, and I have been avoided ever since.

I know that the correct thing for me to do is to move on. I have tried to convince myself that all I am feeling, was just an obsession and not true love. I have tried to push my thoughts away by focusing on my work and trying to participate in activities with other friends. When I am busy, I would not reminiscence about the past and I would try to keep to a cheerful facade. But sometimes, at night, when I am lying down in my bed, these thoughts would come creeping towards me and I would be burdened by regrets of the things I did in the past.

I believe in freewill, that I have no control about what other people feel about me. I can't force a person to come back to me nor can I control anyone's action. I also believe that there is no point crying about spilt milk. But despite all the rules and safe guards I have placed in my life, I turned myself into a victim of my own emotions. Here I am, crying about spilt milk that has probably turned sour by now.

I have thought that time heals all wounds. Sometimes it does, but sometimes the wound seems to reopen again. For a period of time, I felt great. But suddenly, my mind is bleeding again.

I am not asking for any help, probably just a listening ear. I have enough I keeping this to myself, and I am trying to let this post be an avenue to purge out this negative emotions.

Thanks for reading.



It must have been a painful decision - to 'straighten up' an ambivalent situation with an absolute decision. Perhaps it wasn't the best decision you have given to yourself, but ultimately, the ego was probably so badly damaged that at that point of time that it might be the only maneuver you could attempt to exercise.

It would be easier on your emotion if you could learn to release yourself from the positioning your decision with morality - namely, a 'good' or 'bad' move. Logically, you tried to reason out with yourself as you figured that it wasn't the outcome you envisioned and tried to adopt a philosophy that best adapt to this outcome. I am not saying that this is bad coping (we all have different ways to cope with negative outcome), just that the cause of why old wounds are reopening again is because you attended to your wounds superficially by pasting plasters all over your injuries, while your real core festers insidiously within.

What's rotting inside cuts and split the flesh apart, reeking emotional tunes of your wistful past.

You have not reached to an acceptance stage, although you experienced a shift in momentum; this is akin to you standing at the same position, merely turning your direction from east to west. Yes you get to see new things, but you are in the same spot - all the time actually. You turn from west to north; same stuff.

Perhaps a good question you might want to ask yourself "what could you do to help you move towards the stage of acceptance?"

Cheers