Recently for some uncanny reasons, people ended up having conversation with me with themes associated with this topic "Why is it so difficult to communicate in relationship?" So here's Yunnie's my two cents.
Anxiousness is usually the main emotional driver revolving around the conundrum of 'whether I should talk to him/her about this?' The reasoning is simple: if you have an issue that is bugging you badly right now, you would probably weigh the 'worst case' scenario through sharing verses the potential gain of a good negotiation process.
As humans have Loss Aversion tendency (what this means is that we are more affected by the potential loss of anything than the potential gain of anything. Hence, we have tendency to avoid any form of loss), hence it appears that rationally, it may seem better not to raise potential thorny issues because we are afraid of the consequences arising from having such a conversation.
The risk is real; especially when you brandished deep psychological fears of the other party likely to respond in an unfavorable way. You are then self-conditioned to avoid raising such conversations because the 'worst case scenario' might be a break up - which is not an outcome that you desire.
A common struggle that many relationships face all the time is the delicate balance between managing good short term and long term goals of the relationship to ensure longevity in a meaningful sense. Obviously, no one steps into a relationship for mere love with quantity of time, but more critically,it is the profound sense of feeling loved and the wanting to love someone.
Raising difficult conversation brings about discomfort in the short term, but potentially allows greater stability to the long run. Avoiding essential conversations in the short term may ease our anxiety of not having to face short term turmoil, but it could potentially accumulates in disastrous long term famine that could be irrevocable.
Hence the ultimate question: are you in for the long haul in love? If your answer is yes, then long term stability through forming, norming and storming are important processes that would allow individual transformation to occur, insofar that the survival of the relationship could be ensured. When you have two uniquely different people coming together in a relationship - until they have master a way to manage their conflicts and mutually have their needs met simultaneously, the merciless passage of time will annihilate the relationship through various cosmic lessons presented to them in confusing forms.
I will construct an equation:
Premise 1: I want to be in the long haul for relationship
Premise 2: To remain in the long haul, long term stability is crucial.
Premise 3: Raising difficult conversations may bring about short term turmoil, but it would bring about greater long term stability in the relationship if executed effectively. Similarly, avoid raising difficult conversation in the short run would threaten long term stability in the relationship.
Conclusion:
Therefore to remain in the long haul, I would need to raise difficult conversation.
Therefore, the psychological fear of losing the relationship must be mitigated to allow some level of essential communication to take place in the short run if one were to desire a long term relationship.
"Then how we do execute it effectively?"
That's part 2 :)
Cheers
