Originally posted by jackdaniels:
I write with feelings of confusion. I'm not quite close to agony, but my situation is enough to jostle a few sleepless nights now and then. Seeking advice from people here, what would you do if you were in my situation?
I tried breaking contact. I deleted his numbers. I changed my numbers. But no matter how hard I try, as always I'd end up revisiting the same old grounds going through the same old feelings. The phone rings while I’m fast asleep, I pick it up in a hurry and it turns out to be him. Either that or I do not recognize a new number and I wind up picking up the call. The cycle is getting tiring. And I have long concluded we’re headed nowhere.
A few weeks ago, he asked me why I never seem to call him or initiate contact even when he’s back home. I reflected asking him why should I? I’m searching for a person who can be around for my ups and downs. Not some kind of ninja (like a forumer once described) who appears and disappears at will. To pacify the situation he told me he’d be around when I need him. Even now when he makes the effort to make more contact while overseas, I view it as his latest attention-seeking ploy.
Am I too cynical about this person or am I a dimwit, back up, spare tyre who keeps falling for the same old tricks?
Along with most of his other three worded sentences, I’m hardly a believer anymore but I'm finding it arduous to keep him out of my mind.
What I do not understand is why is that no matter how hard I try to be rid of this person in my life, he has to keep coming back. Why he isn’t getting the hint. Is it because he thinks I’m really this stupid?
Feel free to be harsh.
So we are back to square one; I checked my database and recalled replying to your post 290507, 310507 & 300607. Perhaps the difference now and then is that your earlier awareness confirms your need to sever this intensive karmic bond, yet you have no idea why you never succeed.
Yes you are right in saying that a dubious relationship with this man is meaningless and aimless. However, if you take him out of the picture and relook at your life holistically, it doesn't actually change much. What you are facing is the lack of strong conviction to remove him because in the first place his presence doesn't consciously change the existing structure of your love life, albeit in essence, it does affect you emotionally negatively. It is as empty as a shell.
Are you in love with someone else? No.
Are you exclusively dating with someone else? No.
Because your love life is almost defunctive, even if a jerk was to creep in and take shelter, it doesn't really matter because the real dude has not arrive to steal your focus away from this ridiculous relationship you had with him.
To worsen your plight, it seemed to me that you have a very passive attitude towards changing your situation. You want to cut contact, yet you questioned yourself why didn't he get the hint and leave you alone. The problem lies not with him leaving you alone, but rather how much determination you have to tear away from this bondage. Logically, why should he initiate to leave since he can continue to milk sex from you? Hinting him to get out of your life? Oh dear, he is probably anxious that this uncommitted free sex is about to expire: better make more calls and shower more attention to ensure that it continues.
My dear, you can't stop him from trying to contact you, but you have a choice on whether you are contactable by him.
Until the day this conviction is clear, you will never walk out of this.
Your emotions and mind is probably jaded. You might subconsciously tell yourself 'what the hack... what's the difference between having sex with him for the 65th times since we did it 64 times already.'
It's no longer about the sex or the relationship you have with him.
It's about you being severely encumbered by this scenario, decapitating you and robbing your ability to see interest in anyone else.
Unless you change status quo, you will remain in status quo.
Cheers
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