Showing posts with label Somber. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Somber. Show all posts

Sunday, October 03, 2010

RIP - Mdm Kwa Geok Choo

I think Lao Lee must have been devastated - although I may not agree with some of his political views, but I must say that I truly respect the way he develops his relationship with her. It is the same model which I envisioned as an ideal for myself - that a relationship isn't just companionship, but more importantly, a partnership towards towards a cause they both believe in.

The demise of Mrs Lee of taught me something important - that really, behind every successful man is a woman. And when she was physically fallen, Lao Lee not only took care of her, but also read to her two hours every day. It's not about the act that makes him faithful or a sentimental lover, but rather, the gratitude towards his wife who have supported him when he was a nobody and now in return, he took care of her, is genuine love - a bona fide love that rise above the test of time. If he was a narcissistic lover, then he would only be interested in receiving but not giving.

The act of giving, this altruistic part of a human quality, can be define as a virtue that divide us between the realm of human and beast. Love can really bring out this altruistic part of us and express them in the most beautiful manner ever.

Their relationship reinforce my personal stand - that if I were to marry someone who is unable to support my ideals, then it is better than I remain single. To have an exclusive companion is good, but companionship can be found easily. A relationship that builds solely only companionship, dinner dates and movie partner will hit a ceiling soon enough.

Like Lao Lee - if I am going to have a relationship of 63 years, then the relationship needs something greater to sustain it because there is only so many places you can eat, so many movies you can watch and so many countries you can visit.

I am comforted by the fact my thoughts are not utopia, but are possible and the right way forward.

RIP.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Rest in Peace - Vernon & Kerin

It's devastating for anyone to experience the death of their love one only within 24 hours of being married.

Emotionally and psychologically wrecked, coupled with the lack of reason to explain the nature of her husband death makes this episode a truly poignant one. It would be suffering for anyone, even with the most positive of mind, to undergo such an experience.

RIP - my prayers will be with you.

http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_550093.html

问世间情是何物,直教生死相许。
天南地北双飞客,老翅几回寒暑。
欢乐趣,离别苦,就中更有痴儿女。
君应有语,渺万里层云,
千山暮雪,只影向谁去

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Changes in relationship

Today’s sharing is about some work reflection:

The only constant thing in life is changes; to harbor an unchanging attitude towards all phenomenon in the world is a sure ticket to suffering. We cannot expect things to always remain the way it is and since everything in life evolves, it is our responsibility to steer the change into constructive transformation and avoid degrading.

I think it’s quite depressing to witness how one’s choices inevitable sink them into whirlpool of immerse suffering and regret, especially if they have a choice in the past NOT to make certain choice/s. Somehow, it’s kinda linked – people make bad choices in life and in return made even worst choices. I began to wonder if it is truly the choices that are bad per se, or does it suggest something deeper and darker?

Closely related to the first law of CloUdiSm: do not ever date someone with the intention of trying to change the person.

You will fail. Fail absolutely. Fail miserably. In the most intense disappointing manner ever.

You will never fully recover from the trauma; because you will die by the very same curse you seek to exorcise.

It is not the choice that is bad, but rather, the perspective that we carry with the choice. People become harden and crystallized into a persona self actualized from their personal development. We are already rooted, hence it is incredibly arduous to unearth those dirt, let alone change them. Surely you can work on perspective, but you will find it extremely difficult to find adoption in a wholesome fashion.

Partially yes. But in a selective mode – usually only those that retain status quo.

Let me explain why failure is almost certain – people ONLY change upon a strong catalysis. Like if I want to turn water into steam, I would have to boil it. Only with heat can water evaporate and transform into vapors. And you being the person who sees problems in things are the only catalysis that would seek to change it. Everything else is just ‘warmness’ – you are the heat. Upon the reaction of change, you will dissolve yourself in order for change to occur. You will inevitably displaced yourself so that change will happen, but you put yourself at great risk of not be able to survive through the change.

However, someone else down the road would. They will gladly thank you for the wonderful dirty job done because you made the personal sacrifice to impart certain important lessons in life. They are happy because someone else has fought tooth and claw to overcome countless of challenges, so as to allow the recipient to mature. Upon realization, these efforts will benefit the next in line, who has done absolutely nothing to enjoy the fruit of your labour.

You are forgotten; other than some fading memory, there is nothing exceptional. With time, you are trashed away, almost like anything else in life.

The world cares nothing about the ideals of the man. It is cruel and emotionless.

We all once live in the shoe of this man. Even if you are taken out of the picture, be proud of what you have done and move along. Even if you must exit, do not turn your shoulders over. People will rejoice at your abject stupidity and blast at how moronic you are.

But still keep faith and walk forth. Someday… someone will return your honor back.

Because at the end of the day, we are judge by our deeds and not what we possess.

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

一颗开花的树

如何让你遇见我
在我最美丽的时刻
为这
我已在佛前求了五百年
求他让我们结一段尘缘
佛于是把我化作一棵树
长在你必经的路旁
阳光下慎重地开满了花
朵朵都是我前世的盼望

当你走近
请你细听
那颤抖的叶是我等待的热情
而当你终于无视地走过
在你身后落了一地的
朋友啊
那不是花瓣
是我凋零的心

Thursday, August 13, 2009

RIP Douglas

During Mediaworks days, I remember Douglas being the Mr Nice Guy. Someone with no air and pretty much down to earth. He could talk on equal terms to young people like us and occasionally get disturbed by these juniors whom he has merely acquainted in like one or two productions.

I mean I am not that close to him, but across board, among the weirdo people in the MW, he probably one of the few decent fellow around.

RIP dude. My prayers goes out for you and your family.

P.S: I still have this photo among my collection.



***

August 13, 2009

He drowned after being swept out to sea.

Two friends tried to save him but he swallowed too much water
By Ho Lian-yi

MERELY waist-deep in water and flanked by two other swimmers, danger seemed distant to Mr Douglas Lee and his two friends.

But an innocent post-meal splash on Bali's popular Seminyak Beach turned into a desperate struggle when the three were suddenly swept out to sea by a freak wave.

Mr Lee, 39, a Singaporean businessman so loved sun, sea and sand that he visited Bali with his wife every year.

On Sunday, he died there.

His two friends survived.

His body was flown back to Singapore yesterday at about 1pm.

Said Mr Michel Oosterhof, 42, a Dutch executive director: 'At first, I could see other people. Then, all of a sudden, we were alone.'

The 'strong waves' had swept them under and out an estimated 200 metres beyond the breaking waves into open sea.

They had only been in the water for about 10 minutes when it happened, and it took another five minutes before they realised what was happening, said Mr Oosterhof.

It was around 3.45pm, after a late lunch at a Seminyak beach restaurant, when the three friends decided to go for a swim at the beach in front of The Legian hotel.

The third man, Mr Arnaud Ferrand, 35, a French director of a sports complex, said that as soon as they surfaced, they could see that Mr Lee was struggling.

Both men swam to their friend.

They decided Mr Oosterhof would swim towards shore to get a lifeguard's attention, while Mr Ferrand would stay with Mr Lee.

'Twice, I went down into the water and pushed him up, because I could touch the ground with my feet,' said Mr Ferrand.

But when Mr Lee kept going under, Mr Ferrand tried to calm him down.

'I said, look, the lifeguard is coming. Everything will be okay. Try to swim, and relax,' he said.

Mr Lee was an 'average swimmer', according to his friends. But his head kept falling below the water and he drank a lot of water, said Mr Ferrand.

'He was not screaming. He was just saying, 'help, help',' said Mr Ferrand.

Meanwhile, Mr Oosterhof managed to catch the attention of a lifeguard, who swam out with a board measuring about 1m by 40cm.

He reached Mr Lee and helped him to shore. He would be the first to reach the beach, at 4.30pm.

'(Mr Lee) was still okay when the lifeguard arrived,' said Mr Ferrand.

Two more lifeguards followed with full-sized surfboards to help Mr Lee's two friends.

Struggling against the current, it took them nearly 20 minutes to make it back to the beach.

As he swam back, Mr Ferrand could see a man receiving CPR from a lifeguard.

'I couldn't believe it was (Mr Lee). I thought it was somebody else...'

Mr Lee and his friends were part of a group of 10 people who were in Bali for holiday.

One of them, marketing manager Kuek Wei Min, 29, was about to join his three friends in the water when he was called back by a lifeguard.

Strong undertow

'The water was only calf-level, and I could already feel the drag,' he said.

Five minutes later, he saw someone being pulled to shore. It was his friend, Mr Lee.

'I ran back to the ladies, about 150m away, shouting, 'Doug, Doug, Doug!' I couldn't find the words to express drowning,' he said.

Mr Lee's wife, Ms Vanessa Kwek, 28, a finance manager, was distraught when she found him on the beach. A lifeguard and a French doctor who happened to be there was giving Mr Lee CPR.

It was around 4.45pm when the other two men reached shore. But they faced further difficulties when they tried to get an ambulance from the only nearby clinic.

'There was only one doctor and he was attending to a patient,' said Mr Oosterhof.

As a doctor had to be on the ambulance, they couldn't send an ambulance immediately. The hotel manager at the Legian decided they could wait no longer, and drove Mr Lee to the clinic in a car.

There, they were transferred to an ambulance and taken to Sanglah Hospital in Denpasar. Mr Oosterhof said it was 5.40pm by then.

Mr Lee was declared dead on arrival.

Bali Police spokesman Budi Sugianyar said: 'He was swimming in a dangerous area where there were red flags up warning of strong currents and no swimming was allowed.'

He said Mr Lee was also overcome by strong waves.

Mr Ferrand said they did see a red flag when they first walked to the beach. That's why they walked about 250m, towards the The Legian, where there were about 30 people in the water.

That's where they saw red and yellow flags, which they believe meant it was an area protected by lifeguards.

'If it was really dangerous, the lifeguard would have called people to come back,' he said.

They also wondered why there was no proper safety equipment for the lifeguards, or a watch tower, or other facilities routinely found in beaches in the Netherlands and France.

Cinematographer David Lee, 47, one of Mr Lee's three brothers, said: 'If the lifeguards had jet skis or a speedboat, he would still be alive.'

Seminyak Beach is one the more popular beaches of Bali.

But there have been many deaths in the waters off the beach because of strong riptides and unpredictable currents.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Tributes pour in from friends and celebs

MR DOUGLAS Lee had it all.

He had started a new business dealing in solar energy solutions. He had a beautiful wife of five years. Less than two years ago, she gave birth to their son, Ashton.

The couple was planning for another child.

Said his wife, Madam Vanessa Kwek: 'He was a great parent - better than me anyway. He was a great father.'

He loved music, and had been practising on a DJ set at home. For his 40th birthday next February he had wanted to debut his newly-acquired skills at a party.

Mr Lee was the youngest of four brothers. His mother is 76.

His brother, cinematographer David Lee, 47, said she would always cook something special for him when he came home.

He waited till Monday before breaking the bad news to their mother.

On Douglas' Facebook page, there were numerous messages of condolences from friends, some of them local celebrities.

He'd worked previously at SPH MediaWorks as a floor manager (before heading to MediaCorp).

Shaun Chen, 30, MediaCorp actor, said both he and his wife, actress Michelle Chia, were devastated by his death.

He said: 'Douglas and I were great brothers, we went through thick and thin together. During my darkest days, when I was retrenched by MediaWorks, he was there for me all the way. We'd hang out regularly, chill out over drinks.

'Michelle was close to him as well. Both of us attended his wedding two, three years ago and it was a really grand, fun affair.'

Evelyn Tan, 35, a former MediaCorp and Mediaworks actress, said he was 'everyone's favourite guy'.

She said: 'Douglas was one person who livened up any party because he was game to try anything.

'I remember years back, before my marriage to Darren (Lim, the actor), my friends threw a hen party for me and he was the only guy who had to 'sacrifice himself', you know, do something silly to entertain us gals.'

Actor Adrian Pang, 44, said: 'He's really one cool dude, with his semi-shaded glasses, tinted hair and stylish way of dressing; yet, it's not show-offy at all. The Douglas I know had always been very down-to-earth.'

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Decision

I have never made such a necessary painful decision in life before. Never.

I finally experience the epitome of conflict between Mercury and Venus; of the mind and the heart.

Congrats Yun: you have gain a level of abstract understanding to incorporate into your extensive lore of love philosophy - at the cost of sleepless nights that drenched your face in salty wet, accumulated from droplets of unfettered tears tumbling down your misty eyes.

P.S: Just for this moment only: fuck philosophy.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Why even bother?

Something is happening.

I am not deluded.

Guess what?

4.35am and I am still not fucking sleeping.

Why?

I just uncovered some shit.

Seriously, I need to release all that fucking shit and just end that gawd damn misery.

END THAT GAWD DAMN MISERY! DAMN IT! JUST FUCKING END IT!

Why even bother?

Just fucking look around you.


Why even bother

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

...

What if you realized that someone is not entirely truthful?

What would you do?

I utterly despise the abject pilferer, whose archetype personality could only pitifully render surreptitious activities in areas where the sun don't shine. This simpleton unconsciously leads a servile life, probably plotting some childlike strategy to captialize on opportunities behind the scene, like how a wretched beggar would anxiously race after a pack of half-eaten stew, savaged by wild dogs a minute ago and thrown away by the owners a minute after. I could imagine how the scene would appear - an abandoned mongrel salivating and chasing frantically at the new-found meal. Such inferior complex are amazing and the action are downright ignominious because it's certainly beneath and beyond my individual conduct to engage even a fraction of its original intent.

In all classic occasions, I won't even fucking stir in my seat or even attempt to wriggle my hands to wave the annoying fly away, which perpetually stick around like a vexatious prick because such irritable nonsense generally perish and cease to exist before it requires any formal intervention.

What shocked me greatly is that I have found out that there are endorsement given to pricks to be legitimate pricks. Hence it explains the longevity of such absurdity when I was subconsciously given the illusionary confidence that all is well.

I recalled in robust details about the time where such rueful endorsement were approved tacitly in the distant past. It was awfully choking - so intense that it left an excessive acrimonious after-taste emotionally. In mere thoughts alone, the experience almost seemed surreal and vicarious, but impact were hardly virtual.

The pain bleeds so badly that I never knew how I recovered. I was never conscious about the healing process - perhaps it might not even occur, since after all, I am an undead.

I fucking hate deception, as much as I hate things that are going around me with the gamble that I am unaware of anything, just because there seemed to be an ongoing liberty to do absolutely anything without the need to justify emotional logic. Then, I hate the over-compensation which follows shortly, because it simply hardly feels geniune.

I hate fuckers who tries means and ways to scheme in the dark, lurking in corners and shadows, like crooks ready to mug you.

But these are pale in comparison - as compared to the astronomical unappreciation and seemingly living a second-class citizen in your own kingdom.

SO TELL ME WHY THE FUCK DO YOU CLING ONTO PRINCIPLES YOU HAVE KEPT SO CLOSE TO YOUR HEART WHEN PEOPLE CONTINOUSLY TRASHED THE SHIT OUT OF YOU AND RENDER YOU AND THE PRINCIPLES SEEMINGLY OBSOLETE? YOU PEN IT DOWN YOURSELF 11 YEARS AGO - THAT NOBODY PLAYS BY RULE AND THAT THE END IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE MEANS.

I recalled the times when evil tainted me and with sheer willpower, I pulled back as I literally resist against all odds to evolve into that direction.

Now thinking back... what's all that compunction for?


Seriously Mark, just fuck it before it fuck you.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Walk Away

I just fucking feel like getting out for a while.

Maybe a long while. Real while.

Enough to guide sanity back... at least.

I witnessed what I hated returning; like a boomerang.

Now truly, I have every reason to abhor the quarterly Saturn Return's effect.

Yunhaier - please fuck off for a moment.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Stillness

Individualism and disillusionment

It's much more pervasive than I thought

I am disappointed

Probably with myself

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Fatigue

Everything is just gaining on me.

Pending ECA, exam and my monstrous work.

And I suddenly recalled there's still the '1-minute-choreo'

Sheesh!


Sunday, January 27, 2008

Living Dead - Chronicles of Yunhaier (270108)

The miasmas air suspense the route ahead
Hid the truth of the scattering dead
Beginning of eternity when the sage has said
Thou shall not perish when you leap off the edge
But I reckon it was far too late
Only to uncover the lies programmed in my head
What was given – I ate.
Alas, I am truly dead.



Yunhaier 270108

The Bakery - Chronicles of CloUdiSm

The Bakery

You visit the bakery everyday.

Within the structure of the bakery, there is nothing you do not know. You knew where are the ovens, shop assistants, trays, cash machine and loaves of breads - so familiar that you knew the bakery very well and this familiarity even extends itself to all the nearby surrounding.

However, after several thousands days later, the bakery suddenly don't look quite the same. It's the same bakery, but it doesn't look quite right. So were the ovens, shop assistants, trays, cash machine and loaves of breads. It's the same, but it doesn't look quite right.

Were you looking from a different angle? Or were you discovering something new about the bakery?

You wondered what difference would that make, since you ate bread every single day and even if you switch the brand, it is still bread. A bread is a bread despite the brand.

Perhaps, it's not just about bread.

Is it that people are only interested in eating bread? Or are they concern about filling their stomach? Could it be that this is the only bakery you thought you knew along this street? What if there’s another shop over at the other end.

Would knowing any of these make any difference to the bakery?

Or the bread that was sold?

Actually neither.

Because the bakery don't consume the bread. Neither does the bread vice versa.


So intriguing that it hurts the mind with all the perplexing logics.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Lecture on Bus 22 (as of 22 Jan 08)

And so I recalled the verse I wanted to share:

All things arises and passes; never really own and never really lost



Cheers

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Chronicles of Yunhaier: Misogynist Self

I hate it when the misogynist in me is coerced out from my subconscious.

I remember the time when it was rampant in my thoughts. Running wild like geyser.

It was bad. Real bad.

Then I realized: the minute you fail to suppress evil - you become evil.

And I learn to contain it.

Then again, I wasn't entirely accurate as well: you see, there are times when I wondered if I am overly suppressed.

Till it sickly hits the puking point.

I am just someone very suppressed.

I have no voice.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Worn Out

I am so worn out.

Packed like sardine.

With so many things line up for me.

I am beginning to feel that this body of mine is starting to give way to fatigue.

Sigh... not feeling well.

Can't even find the time to blog my Thailand trip. (Will try blog all the shit I had left it pending)

But whatever it is, eventually everything will fall rightfully in place.

I know it.




Cheers

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Do It Anyway

It's really ironic how a vicissitude of phenomena would transform into actual manifestation of obstacles, despite bearing no intention of the latter where it was never known to be. Obstacles that exist not physically, but packaged precisely into our psychological and emotional platform, acting mutinously to sacrilege the Self component, coming from a push factor.

The impermanency of matters and form is the natural cycle of life. That itself will seek to destroy what that has been build or sustain till date. As long as the dust of life conjured anything you could seek in Air, Land, Sea - nothing is permanent. Whether physical, emotional or spiritual.

I will quote from Mother Teresa:

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.


Cheers

Thursday, July 05, 2007

ST Death

Seriously, something must have gone real wrong somewhere; whenever I flipped through the paper, scanning for my competitive ATL ads, I will see news of people dead... and they happen to be people I know.

Firstly it was Ishi - who suicided.

Next it was Cheng Khoon who succumbed to cancer.

Sigh.

I was actually quite shocked when I saw Cheng Khoon face on ST. I mean, it seemed like yesterday when me, Andrea, Daniel and YL were trying to sell everybody the goodies Iris kept to raise funds for charity.

I recalled Cheng Khoon trying to bargain with me over some mundane wire thingy for $1. And the times where we had so much food and I left it at Sport Desk for whoever that wants to eat.

And I even cracked a joke about his name, claiming that it bears close resemblence to 乾坤大挪移。

Haha... those were indeed the good old days: Sigh... you two will be in my prayers.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Out of Job

Sometimes, I just can't fucking believe my own luck.

I am out of job once again.... and I am still quite daze from the blast.

ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

CAN I JUST FUCKING BE A PROFESSIONALLY PAID AUNT AGONY JUST TO RESOLVE THIS FUCKING JOB WOE FOR ONCE?

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Late Somber Mood

Perhaps when we are exposed to too much of certain stimuli... it just becomes numb.




Period

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