I always find it uncomfortable whenever I view reports of man purchasing brides from countries like Vietnam and how they think it's absolutely a great idea to resolve their lack of marital prospect, in reference to their failed dating experience leading to limbo with local woman.
I recalled the time when my sociology lecturer shared with us about a story of his colleague who has 'purchased' a Vietnam bride. In addition, he was gleaming when this colleague of his added the fact that he has actually gotten a discount when he has 'purchased' his wife-to-be; it works somewhat like how I would imagine myself buying Sushi at Cold Storage after certain timing at night - everything is slapped with a 50% off label.
On top of that, he disallowed her to go out because he deemed that she might learn 'bad influence' and later run away (with another man).
Personally I find it hard to stomach the thought of even having to relate the thought of 'purchasing' foreign bride. Although the case above might be extreme, but I don't think it's uncommon - all sociologically trained student would instantly sees that as a form of exploitation. From an economic perspective, surely this is acceptable because the market is determined by supply and demand. But it would be too derogatory to even use this perspective because woman would naturally be reduced to that of a good and it is not something that one would like to see their wife-to-be as.
What I find it amusing is the reasoning this man has employed which give rise to his decision and I quote:
'He did it because his plan was to settle down and have a family by the age of 30. He was planning way ahead: he wanted children who could support him in his later years'
Another incredibly amusing thought:
'Mr Low, who had girlfriends before, said he wanted a relationship which was 'guaranteed' to end in marriage.'
'Marrying a local or marrying a foreign bride is the same, both might end in divorce... but so far, it's okay, I already have a one-year old daughter,' the 30-year old said matter-of-factly.
His concerned is not about his wife; only about the child he wanted to support him in his later years - there is a contradiction when he claims that he wanted a guaranteed marriage, yet end up having to admit that it's not guarantee somewhat too. Such narcissism in love, is often shielded under the category of brandishing traditional mindset, is way... way too obsolete to project this as an idea in our modern society. Of course our government would be more than happy to support, getting more Singaporean to marry and give birth - having more cash cows to milk from and to address our plunging birth rate.
And here comes the dual king of all statements in the article:
'A successful match can set a man back by $8,000 or $10,000. Mr Tan, who had some financial help from his mother, paid the agent $8,800 for his bride. It was a price he felt was worth forking out.'
'Mr A H, 35, a teacher, is one example of someone who was too busy with work to spend time dating. He has had relationships before and joined the Social Development Unit... but he said he was "too lazy" to participate in the activities. "Sometimes you're too mentally and physically tired due to work. It's much easier to get a wife this way, but to get a good person may depend on luck." '
I think pragmatism/consumerism in our society has reached to a point of utter disgust, in which I am beginning to abhor at how fucking lame thoughts are becoming. Firstly, how the hell do you come to a conclusion that $8,800 is a worthy price? Alright, I put on my pragmatic/consumer mindset and I derive this equation:
A)
Cost of Maid:
Levy: $265
Salary: $350
Total: $615
$8,800/$615 = 14.3 months
I would have broke even by the 14th month using $8,800 as a figure (to get a Vietnam bride housewife or a maid to manage the household).
B)
If I include sex in the equation
Cost of Sex:
$50/per session
E.g: 3 times a week (12 times a month) = $600
$8,800/($615+$600) = 7.2 months
So I would have broke even by the 7th month.
Seriously, this is all maximum bullshit. I can't believe when the teacher claim that he was too lazy to date and buying a bride was an easy way out - it's like saying that 'I want the sex part, but I don't want to waste time dating. So skip the dating and let's get married. Opps! Did I mentioned that the household is your arena too?'
Because I tell you, say if his bride refuse sex or cannot conceive - I bet with my balls that most of these man would likely to display the 'oh damn it! I paid for this and now there is no sex? No kids? Agent! I want a change of GOOD!!!!!!!!!'
*Flailing violent arms in the air and stamping feet*
It would be a cause for concern if these woman were abused. Better pray that I don't kanna one caseload like this, if not sure clash with my values.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Rest in Peace - Vernon & Kerin
It's devastating for anyone to experience the death of their love one only within 24 hours of being married.
Emotionally and psychologically wrecked, coupled with the lack of reason to explain the nature of her husband death makes this episode a truly poignant one. It would be suffering for anyone, even with the most positive of mind, to undergo such an experience.
RIP - my prayers will be with you.
http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_550093.html
问世间情是何物，直教生死相许。
天南地北双飞客，老翅几回寒暑。
欢乐趣，离别苦，就中更有痴儿女。
君应有语，渺万里层云,
千山暮雪，只影向谁去
Emotionally and psychologically wrecked, coupled with the lack of reason to explain the nature of her husband death makes this episode a truly poignant one. It would be suffering for anyone, even with the most positive of mind, to undergo such an experience.
RIP - my prayers will be with you.
http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_550093.html
问世间情是何物，直教生死相许。
天南地北双飞客，老翅几回寒暑。
欢乐趣，离别苦，就中更有痴儿女。
君应有语，渺万里层云,
千山暮雪，只影向谁去
Aunt Agony II 100710
Originally posted by huzane89:
i am in this 'open' relationship with this guy. Our relationship is purely physical. I know I am not ready for commitment at this time. And I have this condition of commitment at the min. age of 25. I am 21 this year.
This guy and I decided to 'commit' physically to each other only, so as to prevent STDs and if something unfortunate such as pregnancy happens, I know who the father is.
The relationship was fine and it went on for 4 months. And yesterday, he suddenly said he has feelings for me and wants a real commitment. I was taken aback as I didnt feel the same was as he did. Now, after his confession, I kind of like him. but I still think I am not ready. So, I ended things with him. Now, I cant stop thinking of him.
What do I do?
Your relationship began from a contract.
The clauses are spelled out clearly, almost like terms and condition to define the boundary of your relationship, so as to safeguard both parties interest should 'dispute' occurs.
Developed feelings seemed natural and after 4 months, it seemed like he wants more out of this contract because he probably discovered that fulfilling physical needs are pretty much short term and ain't satisfactory in a longer timeframe. He wants to null the contract and provide new contract with different terms and conditions.
As you read and decide that what I have said seemed logical, but in fact, all I have said above is a facade employed by both of you to logically structure your 'agreement' in a somewhat acceptable manner, appealing largely only to your rationale sense. Although you mentioned that you will only commit yourself at the age of 25. To me - this is purely a random forecast, almost like rolling dice. I do not know how you arrived at this conclusion, but what I am quite sure is that there seemed to be a rationalized fear about commitment in which both of you subconsciously do not want to directly deal with it.
Now that the choice card of a relationship is dealt; this deal is almost like skipping the entire courting process by substituting this process with intimacy first. In a classic chase, the chase itself develops the feelings; for your case, it is the intimacy that drives the passion.
Hence, it's still possible that a relationship from a FB relationship might happen. The only risk is that because your relationship began from a contract - it remains questionable whether this relationship would be able to weather storms without sinking back to previous contract subconsciously or having to run away when shit hits the roof. It is easily to escape in your previous arrangement, but coupled with fear of commitment and an additional burden on the scope of 'responsibility' - it may not be sustainable when you level a FB relationship up.
P.S: At the end of the day, these are only the presenting issues - the real problem lies deeper, into your unconscious yearning and fear. If you don’t work on it, it will fester and affect your future relationship in a damaging way.
Cheers
i am in this 'open' relationship with this guy. Our relationship is purely physical. I know I am not ready for commitment at this time. And I have this condition of commitment at the min. age of 25. I am 21 this year.
This guy and I decided to 'commit' physically to each other only, so as to prevent STDs and if something unfortunate such as pregnancy happens, I know who the father is.
The relationship was fine and it went on for 4 months. And yesterday, he suddenly said he has feelings for me and wants a real commitment. I was taken aback as I didnt feel the same was as he did. Now, after his confession, I kind of like him. but I still think I am not ready. So, I ended things with him. Now, I cant stop thinking of him.
What do I do?
Your relationship began from a contract.
The clauses are spelled out clearly, almost like terms and condition to define the boundary of your relationship, so as to safeguard both parties interest should 'dispute' occurs.
Developed feelings seemed natural and after 4 months, it seemed like he wants more out of this contract because he probably discovered that fulfilling physical needs are pretty much short term and ain't satisfactory in a longer timeframe. He wants to null the contract and provide new contract with different terms and conditions.
As you read and decide that what I have said seemed logical, but in fact, all I have said above is a facade employed by both of you to logically structure your 'agreement' in a somewhat acceptable manner, appealing largely only to your rationale sense. Although you mentioned that you will only commit yourself at the age of 25. To me - this is purely a random forecast, almost like rolling dice. I do not know how you arrived at this conclusion, but what I am quite sure is that there seemed to be a rationalized fear about commitment in which both of you subconsciously do not want to directly deal with it.
Now that the choice card of a relationship is dealt; this deal is almost like skipping the entire courting process by substituting this process with intimacy first. In a classic chase, the chase itself develops the feelings; for your case, it is the intimacy that drives the passion.
Hence, it's still possible that a relationship from a FB relationship might happen. The only risk is that because your relationship began from a contract - it remains questionable whether this relationship would be able to weather storms without sinking back to previous contract subconsciously or having to run away when shit hits the roof. It is easily to escape in your previous arrangement, but coupled with fear of commitment and an additional burden on the scope of 'responsibility' - it may not be sustainable when you level a FB relationship up.
P.S: At the end of the day, these are only the presenting issues - the real problem lies deeper, into your unconscious yearning and fear. If you don’t work on it, it will fester and affect your future relationship in a damaging way.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 100710
Originally poseted by kirov4ever:
What to do if the girl is not interested?
Analogy: It is like stage IV cancer. Incurable, inoperable and there is no future with anyone else.
I have more than enough looks, can really make her laugh, so me being not good enough is not a reason or issue. I don't understand how it is possible that she can "final decision" say it is impossible between us. She said "no" although with regret. Why she want to sabo herself like that? No, she's not going to be a nun. There is no reason so don't say "maybe this" "maybe that". No reason to reject yet she said "no", although regretfully.
In short, when faced with a final "no", incurable stage IV cancer, what to do? Only brain-wash will work but say don't use brain-wash? What other satisfactory answers. I would also most appreciate comments from Christians, Buddhists and religious what to do with the curse.
Why even mystify a rejection to that of a curse? And seemed like you made a number of assumptions, which imho may not accurate through the eyes of her perceived reality.
Surely there are reason/s for rejection - just because you don't understand doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
Your perception that you are good enough is not as important as whether she feels that you are needed. From a marketing perspective, an excellent product may be a good, but if there is no need, naturally there will be no sale.
Are you a need or are you merely a good product?
Think about it.
Cheers
What to do if the girl is not interested?
Analogy: It is like stage IV cancer. Incurable, inoperable and there is no future with anyone else.
I have more than enough looks, can really make her laugh, so me being not good enough is not a reason or issue. I don't understand how it is possible that she can "final decision" say it is impossible between us. She said "no" although with regret. Why she want to sabo herself like that? No, she's not going to be a nun. There is no reason so don't say "maybe this" "maybe that". No reason to reject yet she said "no", although regretfully.
In short, when faced with a final "no", incurable stage IV cancer, what to do? Only brain-wash will work but say don't use brain-wash? What other satisfactory answers. I would also most appreciate comments from Christians, Buddhists and religious what to do with the curse.
Why even mystify a rejection to that of a curse? And seemed like you made a number of assumptions, which imho may not accurate through the eyes of her perceived reality.
Surely there are reason/s for rejection - just because you don't understand doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
Your perception that you are good enough is not as important as whether she feels that you are needed. From a marketing perspective, an excellent product may be a good, but if there is no need, naturally there will be no sale.
Are you a need or are you merely a good product?
Think about it.
Cheers
Sunday, July 04, 2010
冤家路窄
冤家路窄
Personally, I hate to see what I detest to see.
I have no thoughts about it - just annoyed like how a buzzing fly would have pissed me.
I was glad that I stood tall with dignity and honour. I renewed my personal promise that I will evolved ten times stronger & better than what I was a year ago.
I will succeed.
Personally, I hate to see what I detest to see.
I have no thoughts about it - just annoyed like how a buzzing fly would have pissed me.
I was glad that I stood tall with dignity and honour. I renewed my personal promise that I will evolved ten times stronger & better than what I was a year ago.
I will succeed.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Aunt Agony 290610
Originally posted by Prophecy_Master
Hi all.
I am in my mid twenties.
My current girl friend has been with my for 6 years now we plan to get married in time to come, say 5 years later after we complete our studies.
The thing is, once I saw someone who looked like my first love, Melissa. For that moment lots of thoughts and memories just came back regarding her. I was quite shaken, because having been in a long term relationship for so long that I stopped thinking about other girls and I see all the females around me as just plain friends.
But just the thought of my first love, I get all the fuzzy feeling and numbing sensation in my mind. I know I love my current g/f dearly, but I can’t help but think of how is my first love doing? Does she need help?
A part of me still wants to care for her, or at least know how she is doing. I lost contact with her for at least 9 years now, but I just can’t stop feeling that way about her.
There seemed to be some unresolved chapters in your life; it randomly spark this undying passion which nefariously raised itself from the love grave and comes back haunting you. As much as you feel that you are concerned about her well being, but think about this: she has survived nine years of her life without your presence, hence what you are feeling is purely delusional.
Let sleeping dragon lie; there is no damsel in distress to save.
It’s a real irony to see people lament about this particular person they couldn’t have, while having to possess everything they need in love currently. If you plan to execute plans like looking back at your past and taking active steps to revisit old chapters, you are at risk of sacrificing or damaging the state of your relationship.
No bank is too big to fail - no relationship is too strong to crumble.
Basically all it takes one unwise step.
Think about it.
Cheers
Hi all.
I am in my mid twenties.
My current girl friend has been with my for 6 years now we plan to get married in time to come, say 5 years later after we complete our studies.
The thing is, once I saw someone who looked like my first love, Melissa. For that moment lots of thoughts and memories just came back regarding her. I was quite shaken, because having been in a long term relationship for so long that I stopped thinking about other girls and I see all the females around me as just plain friends.
But just the thought of my first love, I get all the fuzzy feeling and numbing sensation in my mind. I know I love my current g/f dearly, but I can’t help but think of how is my first love doing? Does she need help?
A part of me still wants to care for her, or at least know how she is doing. I lost contact with her for at least 9 years now, but I just can’t stop feeling that way about her.
There seemed to be some unresolved chapters in your life; it randomly spark this undying passion which nefariously raised itself from the love grave and comes back haunting you. As much as you feel that you are concerned about her well being, but think about this: she has survived nine years of her life without your presence, hence what you are feeling is purely delusional.
Let sleeping dragon lie; there is no damsel in distress to save.
It’s a real irony to see people lament about this particular person they couldn’t have, while having to possess everything they need in love currently. If you plan to execute plans like looking back at your past and taking active steps to revisit old chapters, you are at risk of sacrificing or damaging the state of your relationship.
No bank is too big to fail - no relationship is too strong to crumble.
Basically all it takes one unwise step.
Think about it.
Cheers
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Aunt Agony 270610
Originally posted by bambixd:
hi,
Im a chinese guy in my 20s. i have been secretly crossdressing since i was about 14 years old, and have been leading this sort of hidden identity for all this while.
I started getting involved with men sexually about 2 years back, and I wouldd say that I love men more than anything else in my life at this point of time. I simply wake up each day, looking forward to dressing sexy n getting men into my bed.
The thing is, I have been hiding this hiiden life all this while. I feel very tired of pretending to be a str8 guy. Furthermore, Im tired of having to meet guys secretly, such as when no1 is home...blah. In short, I amtired of hiding. I have not many friends, so I am not scared of losing friends. I am only afraid of telling my family.
My partners have been encouraging me to come open, but I m afraid. I know my mum will never be able to accept it if I told her... and I love her, so I dont want to hurt her. But I am so tired of hiding...
What should I do???
You got to consider your overall intention well because once you decide on your course of action, there is no turning back. Knowing your real identity is important, but you must be prepared that once you open that first door, all the other doors will open by itself because words will definitely travel and you cannot control them, even if you told only your mother/parents.
Some people can continue life in this fashion, while others have a need to make it open so as to 'reveal' this real identity of theirs. In reality, there is no easy solution, only decision that you are comfortable to undertake after you put in serious consideration.
Be prepared for backlash should you decide to tell.
The cost of liberty is often much sacrifices.
Cheers
hi,
Im a chinese guy in my 20s. i have been secretly crossdressing since i was about 14 years old, and have been leading this sort of hidden identity for all this while.
I started getting involved with men sexually about 2 years back, and I wouldd say that I love men more than anything else in my life at this point of time. I simply wake up each day, looking forward to dressing sexy n getting men into my bed.
The thing is, I have been hiding this hiiden life all this while. I feel very tired of pretending to be a str8 guy. Furthermore, Im tired of having to meet guys secretly, such as when no1 is home...blah. In short, I amtired of hiding. I have not many friends, so I am not scared of losing friends. I am only afraid of telling my family.
My partners have been encouraging me to come open, but I m afraid. I know my mum will never be able to accept it if I told her... and I love her, so I dont want to hurt her. But I am so tired of hiding...
What should I do???
You got to consider your overall intention well because once you decide on your course of action, there is no turning back. Knowing your real identity is important, but you must be prepared that once you open that first door, all the other doors will open by itself because words will definitely travel and you cannot control them, even if you told only your mother/parents.
Some people can continue life in this fashion, while others have a need to make it open so as to 'reveal' this real identity of theirs. In reality, there is no easy solution, only decision that you are comfortable to undertake after you put in serious consideration.
Be prepared for backlash should you decide to tell.
The cost of liberty is often much sacrifices.
Cheers
Thursday, June 03, 2010
Aunt Agony 030610
Originally posted by JumRam:
what should i do, was in love with her even before she married. But she is not interested in me. Now she is married, i am still in love with her.
She has moved on and you have refused to - despite the passing of time.
Since this isn't a problem for her (other than that being an issue for you), how long would it take for you to perceive that and move along in life?
By retaining yourself, it serves no purpose other than dwelling in a narcissistic form of love.
Cheers
what should i do, was in love with her even before she married. But she is not interested in me. Now she is married, i am still in love with her.
She has moved on and you have refused to - despite the passing of time.
Since this isn't a problem for her (other than that being an issue for you), how long would it take for you to perceive that and move along in life?
By retaining yourself, it serves no purpose other than dwelling in a narcissistic form of love.
Cheers
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
Aunt Agony 010610
Originally posted by Fannao388:
I am married with a teenage daughter. I am not at all with my hubby since years back. He is always giving priority to his frds and family. If his frd or family and I were to make an appt on the same day same time he will tell me he has to go out with his frd or family .. and ask me to wait for the following week. However, due to his shift work, he has only one precious weekend every mth for us, and very often he give priority to his frds and family instead of me and daughter.
4-5 years back I nearly divorce him due to travelling plans. I have been wanting to go to Japan or Vietnam for years, but every year he will tell me next year we will go and every year he agree to wherever his family plan to go. Even the place that i hated most China and Taiwan. He keep asking me to wait for him to save up enough for my place but every time he will spend his saving going to places I dont really want to go. As our money are limited when we go to these other places my Japan and Vietnam got to wait for another year. I was very angry and after this last china trip with his family I said lets divorce I am not willing to wait endlessly for the place i want to go. Since his family do not support going to places that i wanted to go i also have no interest to go back every week too.
With this divorce, he suddenly has available cash to go Japan with us .. just the 3 of us family. and asked me to put off the divorce plan. and since then i havent been going back to his family for all the occasions not even chinese new year. Till now, none of the in law have ever called to asked me why.. they just treat as nothing happn so hubby 2 treat as ntg happen..
recently, a married colleague expressed interest in me // and he really treated me very well .. much better than my husband .. he said he dont want anything bad to happen to me (while my hubby keep saying if he is heaven he would like to let me be CHIAK LUK) i initially tried to pull out of the relationship..but pulling out had been rather difficult cos we get to see each other every day in the office. I am now thinking whether to continue or to pull out .. my brain say stop all these nonsense and my heart said go for it
how?
You are skating on thin ice. Precariously thin ice.
I can sense that you are lost because you are frustrated with your marriage - being unappreciated by your husband whom you thought that he wasn't making effort to work on your marriage - and simultaneously, you are faced with a pull factor of a man who has expressed his interest in you. The only thing that is holding you back is probably your daughter and perhaps the homeostasis of being used to certain form of stability your marriage has provided you - despite being unhappy about it.
Presenting choice might be attractive, but without understanding the dimension of your real issue, it might turn out to be a form of escapism... somewhat a crafty illusion that veil behind a potential karmic relationship, which might lead to a domestic tragedy (Afflicted Neptune/Saturn).
Why is it so?
Your intense frustration generates a powerful push factor for you to accept the bait presented by this man. This deal comes with a condition, in which I termed it as an 'inability to commit'. It is not the problem of a man being married (which is a moral statement), but rather, it is a problem of a person who cannot provide you the commitment you would need in long term to dissolve this discontentment in your love life. For a period, he probably functions as a paracetamol, addressing merely the symptoms but nowhere near the cause.
What really happens from a graph's perspective lies with the path of your deep anguish meeting the path of his need for a company at point X. The common factor is that both of you cannot commit. As such, it seemed a lot easier for cheating to happen because since there are some huge innate dissatisfaction within, both of you would probably unconsciously decide that it might seemed 'easier' to transgress than to work on your respective issue with spouse.
Therefore, your desire to flee may not be 'attraction' or 'love' but an avenue for avoidance behaviour to cope with your dissatisfaction in your marriage.
The shelving of issues in marriage would only seek to build resentment and accumulate intense hatred that would shatter your relationship into millions of fragmented glass pieces. By then, it would be challenging to even want to do anything about it because it would be so broken to try to mend anything.
From what I am seeing, communication lines are so damage that there are actually much emotional underlying current, even if the marriage appears to be 'surviving'. However, before making any decision/s involving this married man, I suggest that you speak to your husband about the reality of your marriage, to such extend that if this fails, you might want to seek a common agreement (and willingness) on finding a marital counsellor if both of you still wish to save/work on this marriage.
P.S: A common real problem is when the wife sees a problem to their marriage, which contradict with their man's thinking (or denying) that there is an existing problem. This is a classic communication breakdown phenomenon.
Cheers
I am married with a teenage daughter. I am not at all with my hubby since years back. He is always giving priority to his frds and family. If his frd or family and I were to make an appt on the same day same time he will tell me he has to go out with his frd or family .. and ask me to wait for the following week. However, due to his shift work, he has only one precious weekend every mth for us, and very often he give priority to his frds and family instead of me and daughter.
4-5 years back I nearly divorce him due to travelling plans. I have been wanting to go to Japan or Vietnam for years, but every year he will tell me next year we will go and every year he agree to wherever his family plan to go. Even the place that i hated most China and Taiwan. He keep asking me to wait for him to save up enough for my place but every time he will spend his saving going to places I dont really want to go. As our money are limited when we go to these other places my Japan and Vietnam got to wait for another year. I was very angry and after this last china trip with his family I said lets divorce I am not willing to wait endlessly for the place i want to go. Since his family do not support going to places that i wanted to go i also have no interest to go back every week too.
With this divorce, he suddenly has available cash to go Japan with us .. just the 3 of us family. and asked me to put off the divorce plan. and since then i havent been going back to his family for all the occasions not even chinese new year. Till now, none of the in law have ever called to asked me why.. they just treat as nothing happn so hubby 2 treat as ntg happen..
recently, a married colleague expressed interest in me // and he really treated me very well .. much better than my husband .. he said he dont want anything bad to happen to me (while my hubby keep saying if he is heaven he would like to let me be CHIAK LUK) i initially tried to pull out of the relationship..but pulling out had been rather difficult cos we get to see each other every day in the office. I am now thinking whether to continue or to pull out .. my brain say stop all these nonsense and my heart said go for it
how?
You are skating on thin ice. Precariously thin ice.
I can sense that you are lost because you are frustrated with your marriage - being unappreciated by your husband whom you thought that he wasn't making effort to work on your marriage - and simultaneously, you are faced with a pull factor of a man who has expressed his interest in you. The only thing that is holding you back is probably your daughter and perhaps the homeostasis of being used to certain form of stability your marriage has provided you - despite being unhappy about it.
Presenting choice might be attractive, but without understanding the dimension of your real issue, it might turn out to be a form of escapism... somewhat a crafty illusion that veil behind a potential karmic relationship, which might lead to a domestic tragedy (Afflicted Neptune/Saturn).
Why is it so?
Your intense frustration generates a powerful push factor for you to accept the bait presented by this man. This deal comes with a condition, in which I termed it as an 'inability to commit'. It is not the problem of a man being married (which is a moral statement), but rather, it is a problem of a person who cannot provide you the commitment you would need in long term to dissolve this discontentment in your love life. For a period, he probably functions as a paracetamol, addressing merely the symptoms but nowhere near the cause.
What really happens from a graph's perspective lies with the path of your deep anguish meeting the path of his need for a company at point X. The common factor is that both of you cannot commit. As such, it seemed a lot easier for cheating to happen because since there are some huge innate dissatisfaction within, both of you would probably unconsciously decide that it might seemed 'easier' to transgress than to work on your respective issue with spouse.
Therefore, your desire to flee may not be 'attraction' or 'love' but an avenue for avoidance behaviour to cope with your dissatisfaction in your marriage.
The shelving of issues in marriage would only seek to build resentment and accumulate intense hatred that would shatter your relationship into millions of fragmented glass pieces. By then, it would be challenging to even want to do anything about it because it would be so broken to try to mend anything.
From what I am seeing, communication lines are so damage that there are actually much emotional underlying current, even if the marriage appears to be 'surviving'. However, before making any decision/s involving this married man, I suggest that you speak to your husband about the reality of your marriage, to such extend that if this fails, you might want to seek a common agreement (and willingness) on finding a marital counsellor if both of you still wish to save/work on this marriage.
P.S: A common real problem is when the wife sees a problem to their marriage, which contradict with their man's thinking (or denying) that there is an existing problem. This is a classic communication breakdown phenomenon.
Cheers
Friday, May 28, 2010
A Nation of Spoilt Princesses?
Interesting on how Sulthan Niaz retorted AWARE's article by stating that women must contribute part of the blame on the low birth rate situation in Singapore.
Are Singaporean woman spoilt? Well, our males also demand for submissive woman too. So gender bashing will never come to an end because it's just matter of perspective.
Seriously anyway, I doubt gender has much to do with the situation here. The key concerns are 'expectations'. Why is our society bashing people for making their personal choices of not 'getting married' or not 'rearing children'?
Societal expectation or individual expectation? Which is prior?
This is a natural phenomenon in any developed country. Other places are facing the same situation too, hence this is nothing uniquely Singapore.
Hey man: you have a choice NOT to date spoilt princesses too. If yours happen to be one, then you got to admit that it's seriously your choice to keep them.
To read the full article, please go to:
http://news.asiaone.com/News/Education/Story/A1Story20100527-218798.html
Are Singaporean woman spoilt? Well, our males also demand for submissive woman too. So gender bashing will never come to an end because it's just matter of perspective.
Seriously anyway, I doubt gender has much to do with the situation here. The key concerns are 'expectations'. Why is our society bashing people for making their personal choices of not 'getting married' or not 'rearing children'?
Societal expectation or individual expectation? Which is prior?
This is a natural phenomenon in any developed country. Other places are facing the same situation too, hence this is nothing uniquely Singapore.
Hey man: you have a choice NOT to date spoilt princesses too. If yours happen to be one, then you got to admit that it's seriously your choice to keep them.
To read the full article, please go to:
http://news.asiaone.com/News/Education/Story/A1Story20100527-218798.html
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Changes in relationship
Today’s sharing is about some work reflection:
The only constant thing in life is changes; to harbor an unchanging attitude towards all phenomenon in the world is a sure ticket to suffering. We cannot expect things to always remain the way it is and since everything in life evolves, it is our responsibility to steer the change into constructive transformation and avoid degrading.
I think it’s quite depressing to witness how one’s choices inevitable sink them into whirlpool of immerse suffering and regret, especially if they have a choice in the past NOT to make certain choice/s. Somehow, it’s kinda linked – people make bad choices in life and in return made even worst choices. I began to wonder if it is truly the choices that are bad per se, or does it suggest something deeper and darker?
Closely related to the first law of CloUdiSm: do not ever date someone with the intention of trying to change the person.
You will fail. Fail absolutely. Fail miserably. In the most intense disappointing manner ever.
You will never fully recover from the trauma; because you will die by the very same curse you seek to exorcise.
It is not the choice that is bad, but rather, the perspective that we carry with the choice. People become harden and crystallized into a persona self actualized from their personal development. We are already rooted, hence it is incredibly arduous to unearth those dirt, let alone change them. Surely you can work on perspective, but you will find it extremely difficult to find adoption in a wholesome fashion.
Partially yes. But in a selective mode – usually only those that retain status quo.
Let me explain why failure is almost certain – people ONLY change upon a strong catalysis. Like if I want to turn water into steam, I would have to boil it. Only with heat can water evaporate and transform into vapors. And you being the person who sees problems in things are the only catalysis that would seek to change it. Everything else is just ‘warmness’ – you are the heat. Upon the reaction of change, you will dissolve yourself in order for change to occur. You will inevitably displaced yourself so that change will happen, but you put yourself at great risk of not be able to survive through the change.
However, someone else down the road would. They will gladly thank you for the wonderful dirty job done because you made the personal sacrifice to impart certain important lessons in life. They are happy because someone else has fought tooth and claw to overcome countless of challenges, so as to allow the recipient to mature. Upon realization, these efforts will benefit the next in line, who has done absolutely nothing to enjoy the fruit of your labour.
You are forgotten; other than some fading memory, there is nothing exceptional. With time, you are trashed away, almost like anything else in life.
The world cares nothing about the ideals of the man. It is cruel and emotionless.
We all once live in the shoe of this man. Even if you are taken out of the picture, be proud of what you have done and move along. Even if you must exit, do not turn your shoulders over. People will rejoice at your abject stupidity and blast at how moronic you are.
But still keep faith and walk forth. Someday… someone will return your honor back.
Because at the end of the day, we are judge by our deeds and not what we possess.
The only constant thing in life is changes; to harbor an unchanging attitude towards all phenomenon in the world is a sure ticket to suffering. We cannot expect things to always remain the way it is and since everything in life evolves, it is our responsibility to steer the change into constructive transformation and avoid degrading.
I think it’s quite depressing to witness how one’s choices inevitable sink them into whirlpool of immerse suffering and regret, especially if they have a choice in the past NOT to make certain choice/s. Somehow, it’s kinda linked – people make bad choices in life and in return made even worst choices. I began to wonder if it is truly the choices that are bad per se, or does it suggest something deeper and darker?
Closely related to the first law of CloUdiSm: do not ever date someone with the intention of trying to change the person.
You will fail. Fail absolutely. Fail miserably. In the most intense disappointing manner ever.
You will never fully recover from the trauma; because you will die by the very same curse you seek to exorcise.
It is not the choice that is bad, but rather, the perspective that we carry with the choice. People become harden and crystallized into a persona self actualized from their personal development. We are already rooted, hence it is incredibly arduous to unearth those dirt, let alone change them. Surely you can work on perspective, but you will find it extremely difficult to find adoption in a wholesome fashion.
Partially yes. But in a selective mode – usually only those that retain status quo.
Let me explain why failure is almost certain – people ONLY change upon a strong catalysis. Like if I want to turn water into steam, I would have to boil it. Only with heat can water evaporate and transform into vapors. And you being the person who sees problems in things are the only catalysis that would seek to change it. Everything else is just ‘warmness’ – you are the heat. Upon the reaction of change, you will dissolve yourself in order for change to occur. You will inevitably displaced yourself so that change will happen, but you put yourself at great risk of not be able to survive through the change.
However, someone else down the road would. They will gladly thank you for the wonderful dirty job done because you made the personal sacrifice to impart certain important lessons in life. They are happy because someone else has fought tooth and claw to overcome countless of challenges, so as to allow the recipient to mature. Upon realization, these efforts will benefit the next in line, who has done absolutely nothing to enjoy the fruit of your labour.
You are forgotten; other than some fading memory, there is nothing exceptional. With time, you are trashed away, almost like anything else in life.
The world cares nothing about the ideals of the man. It is cruel and emotionless.
We all once live in the shoe of this man. Even if you are taken out of the picture, be proud of what you have done and move along. Even if you must exit, do not turn your shoulders over. People will rejoice at your abject stupidity and blast at how moronic you are.
But still keep faith and walk forth. Someday… someone will return your honor back.
Because at the end of the day, we are judge by our deeds and not what we possess.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Chronicles (24 May 10)
I detest causal memories that quietly reminded me of my mortality. I shed my humanoid skin in return for the gift of undeath - it was an irrevocable metamorphosis.
Awakening from my vampiric stupor was the greatest enlightenment ever, insofar that I feel absolute disgust with the feeble self I vaguely recalled as a chapter of my living years. The burning contempt was overwhelmingly insane, as I lifted my index fingers and claw off crumbling grey-red ashes around a black pit of nothingness, around a place where my beating heart used to lay solemnly within.
And I can see no dreams for the addict sustaining his delusion through tubes of constant false hope. He waits like a shadow thief; awaits for opportunity to plunge the poison dagger eagerly into the back of his adversary. He wants him dead for good, so as to loot, but he has no such chance.
My perching lips grew into a smirk and watched the scene with sadistic pleasure.
He thinks he remained unseen, but the croaching silhouette makes the thought laughable.
I observed with an appraising eye, curious with the depth of stupidity my fabled assasin has grown to live with over the years.
That would suffice a predictive suicide.
He will take what he wants and die by what he takes.
Awakening from my vampiric stupor was the greatest enlightenment ever, insofar that I feel absolute disgust with the feeble self I vaguely recalled as a chapter of my living years. The burning contempt was overwhelmingly insane, as I lifted my index fingers and claw off crumbling grey-red ashes around a black pit of nothingness, around a place where my beating heart used to lay solemnly within.
And I can see no dreams for the addict sustaining his delusion through tubes of constant false hope. He waits like a shadow thief; awaits for opportunity to plunge the poison dagger eagerly into the back of his adversary. He wants him dead for good, so as to loot, but he has no such chance.
My perching lips grew into a smirk and watched the scene with sadistic pleasure.
He thinks he remained unseen, but the croaching silhouette makes the thought laughable.
I observed with an appraising eye, curious with the depth of stupidity my fabled assasin has grown to live with over the years.
That would suffice a predictive suicide.
He will take what he wants and die by what he takes.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Never Been Kissed
Just read the news; more singletons out there in Singapore. Actually I am not particularly surprised, considering the fact that our society overvalues achievements more than people relationship. Our 'cost-analysis' mindset has renders the value of love to be really an expensive affair.
But seriously, it is that costly?
Survey has found that most people want to get married; the problem is that 14% of these people believe in what we called fate. More than half of the people interviewed would NOT try social networking agency like SDN (in those days, it stands for SDU - the tongue-in-cheek acronym stands for Single Desperate & Ugly). In the article, one reason cited was the aversion to 'social engineering'.
Our country is facing a serious problem in birth rate because people are even having problem dating. And you want to talk about marriage and giving birth? There used to be issues about wanting more graduate mothers give birth to more children in the 80s because our country wants 'smarter brains'. Now our garmen becoming clever: any 'brains' also can - just go forth and multiply. The reason is quite logical: without the physical being, you totally have no 'brains.' So it's better to have some 'brains' than to have 'no brains.'
And this perspective itself is a major flaw - people are not respected based on their choices, but rather a tool for economical purpose. People don't see a reason why they should be subjecting their children to the gruesome pressure of our competitive society, so why the hell should I raise kids?
But what about dating? Surely, raising kids is a private choice... but dating?
I thought it was amusing when the article subtly included the belief in fate as part of the arguments on the horrible dating situation locally. I don't think there's any problem in people believing that the right one will drop by when the time comes, but chances are, these are often the wrong ones that presented themselves are 'right'.
Other significant reasoning includes the priority in career before relationships. I think the article missed out one very important rationale why people does that - it is part of our avoidance schema to replace something with another as we cannot lead life with a blatant form of emptiness within our life because we constantly need to maintain inner homeostasis. To me, people who provided this sort of reasoning is one notch lower than those who believe in fate - it is complete avoidance towards the topic of love. I realized that those who have dated during schools days and had their relationship lasted into their working life NEVER had such reasoning. Such reasoning only appeals to people who are likely to give the same sort of reasoning when they were in school - studies come first. Hence, the same reasoning was reapplied when it comes to career - career comes first - because it is way too convenient.
So what's after career?
Silence.
I am saying this because everyone, regardless of worldview, wants to be attached regardless of aspiration. Upon careful dialogue, even those that held onto the 'career come first' notion ALSO wish that they will someday be attached to someone they could love mutually. This yearning pervades all form of sexual orientation and preference. This yearning is the yearning of being loved and to love - the highest expression of human affection.
You see, the principle is simple: given the choice to pick - nobody wants to be single. It is not the problem of being single - it is the loneliness that derives from singlehood that most people cannot deal with.
In the end, it is back to developmental issues!
The article also cited unrealistic expectation as part of the reason why people are not attached. There was once a woman asked me' so you drive?' I was tempted to reply "so is your cup-size D?"
And strangely, I have people who try to match up to these expectations by jumping through the hoops waved by these women. What? You mean you are interested in such woman?
I think the prospect of monkhood certainly look more promising.
Learning to love is very much about learning to understand and love yourself the way we would like others to love us. Learning to love comes with the awareness that we are imperfect beings and the recognition that love entails the very reality of rejection, separation, disappointment and tears. One cannot expect love without coming in terms with these possible realities, naturally occuring with the introduction of love.
Only once we have self love, could we free ourselves to love another person.
But seriously, it is that costly?
Survey has found that most people want to get married; the problem is that 14% of these people believe in what we called fate. More than half of the people interviewed would NOT try social networking agency like SDN (in those days, it stands for SDU - the tongue-in-cheek acronym stands for Single Desperate & Ugly). In the article, one reason cited was the aversion to 'social engineering'.
Our country is facing a serious problem in birth rate because people are even having problem dating. And you want to talk about marriage and giving birth? There used to be issues about wanting more graduate mothers give birth to more children in the 80s because our country wants 'smarter brains'. Now our garmen becoming clever: any 'brains' also can - just go forth and multiply. The reason is quite logical: without the physical being, you totally have no 'brains.' So it's better to have some 'brains' than to have 'no brains.'
And this perspective itself is a major flaw - people are not respected based on their choices, but rather a tool for economical purpose. People don't see a reason why they should be subjecting their children to the gruesome pressure of our competitive society, so why the hell should I raise kids?
But what about dating? Surely, raising kids is a private choice... but dating?
I thought it was amusing when the article subtly included the belief in fate as part of the arguments on the horrible dating situation locally. I don't think there's any problem in people believing that the right one will drop by when the time comes, but chances are, these are often the wrong ones that presented themselves are 'right'.
Other significant reasoning includes the priority in career before relationships. I think the article missed out one very important rationale why people does that - it is part of our avoidance schema to replace something with another as we cannot lead life with a blatant form of emptiness within our life because we constantly need to maintain inner homeostasis. To me, people who provided this sort of reasoning is one notch lower than those who believe in fate - it is complete avoidance towards the topic of love. I realized that those who have dated during schools days and had their relationship lasted into their working life NEVER had such reasoning. Such reasoning only appeals to people who are likely to give the same sort of reasoning when they were in school - studies come first. Hence, the same reasoning was reapplied when it comes to career - career comes first - because it is way too convenient.
So what's after career?
Silence.
I am saying this because everyone, regardless of worldview, wants to be attached regardless of aspiration. Upon careful dialogue, even those that held onto the 'career come first' notion ALSO wish that they will someday be attached to someone they could love mutually. This yearning pervades all form of sexual orientation and preference. This yearning is the yearning of being loved and to love - the highest expression of human affection.
You see, the principle is simple: given the choice to pick - nobody wants to be single. It is not the problem of being single - it is the loneliness that derives from singlehood that most people cannot deal with.
In the end, it is back to developmental issues!
The article also cited unrealistic expectation as part of the reason why people are not attached. There was once a woman asked me' so you drive?' I was tempted to reply "so is your cup-size D?"
And strangely, I have people who try to match up to these expectations by jumping through the hoops waved by these women. What? You mean you are interested in such woman?
I think the prospect of monkhood certainly look more promising.
Learning to love is very much about learning to understand and love yourself the way we would like others to love us. Learning to love comes with the awareness that we are imperfect beings and the recognition that love entails the very reality of rejection, separation, disappointment and tears. One cannot expect love without coming in terms with these possible realities, naturally occuring with the introduction of love.
Only once we have self love, could we free ourselves to love another person.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Monkhood
I feel like going to some mountain and meditate.
I realized that a lot of things don't satisfy me anymore... or as much as I would like it to be.
I think my contemplation of being a monk might one day just come true.
I realized that a lot of things don't satisfy me anymore... or as much as I would like it to be.
I think my contemplation of being a monk might one day just come true.
Saturday, May 08, 2010
Effect of Cosmic Lesson in Love (feat Portia Nelson)
I finally found THE poem that accurately explain the stages of love in such concise and beautiful weave of words that I instantly fell in love with it. The way Portia Nelson tried to portray his meaning of life in this poem (Autobiography in Five Chapters) is just gruesomely apt - just that CloUdiSm explained that under the notion of love.
AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE CHAPTERS
Portia Nelson
1) I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost...
I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
2) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I'm in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
3) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in...it's a habit
My eyes are open; I know where I am;
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
4) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
5) I walk down another street.
This is exactly the same concept in CloUdiSm when I talk about effect of our cosmic lesson in love. Yunnie divides these effects into five distinctive levels: (1) Ignorance, (2) Denial, (3) Awareness, (4) Recognition & (5) Evolution. However, it does not necessarily follow in this linear order because the multi-dimensional nature of our cosmic lesson is far too complex to neatly put all that stuff into fixed stages. Also, not everyone will experience all these effects in their lifetime; it is likely that they might encounter a mixture of some in various degree.
I always say something of this nature among the rambles I always talk about: you will not understand a shit of what I am saying until you are there yourself. Everything I have said sounded merely 'logical' as in the structure of the thoughts spoken is reasonable and philosophically grounded, which one would naturally concede because there is no compelling reason to believe otherwise.
But still it will not be understood because a person experiencing lower stage (e.g: Ignorance) cannot understand the perspective of those in the higher level (e.g: Recognition). It makes zero emotional sense for one in this world of ignorance to somehow pierce through the formidable illusionary screen of, say, a deceptive relationship because such essential wisdom hasn't been developed in the person yet.
Wisdom are learnt - not given. Hence, it's possible that some will appear to suffer the cosmic effect of ignorance throughout the entire course of their love life, perpetuate their suffering cycle in love. I think working in the social service will inevitably expose yourself to many unfortunate circumstances of relationship - directly or indirectly related to the subject of Love.
These are precious learning; for me to understand humanity and its relationship with love itself.
AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE CHAPTERS
Portia Nelson
1) I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost...
I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
2) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I'm in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
3) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in...it's a habit
My eyes are open; I know where I am;
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
4) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
5) I walk down another street.
This is exactly the same concept in CloUdiSm when I talk about effect of our cosmic lesson in love. Yunnie divides these effects into five distinctive levels: (1) Ignorance, (2) Denial, (3) Awareness, (4) Recognition & (5) Evolution. However, it does not necessarily follow in this linear order because the multi-dimensional nature of our cosmic lesson is far too complex to neatly put all that stuff into fixed stages. Also, not everyone will experience all these effects in their lifetime; it is likely that they might encounter a mixture of some in various degree.
I always say something of this nature among the rambles I always talk about: you will not understand a shit of what I am saying until you are there yourself. Everything I have said sounded merely 'logical' as in the structure of the thoughts spoken is reasonable and philosophically grounded, which one would naturally concede because there is no compelling reason to believe otherwise.
But still it will not be understood because a person experiencing lower stage (e.g: Ignorance) cannot understand the perspective of those in the higher level (e.g: Recognition). It makes zero emotional sense for one in this world of ignorance to somehow pierce through the formidable illusionary screen of, say, a deceptive relationship because such essential wisdom hasn't been developed in the person yet.
Wisdom are learnt - not given. Hence, it's possible that some will appear to suffer the cosmic effect of ignorance throughout the entire course of their love life, perpetuate their suffering cycle in love. I think working in the social service will inevitably expose yourself to many unfortunate circumstances of relationship - directly or indirectly related to the subject of Love.
These are precious learning; for me to understand humanity and its relationship with love itself.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Nearing the Finishing Line
I am already close to putting a closure on my three years liability; tomorrow is my last lesson for this term.
By the end of this year, I must be working full force on CloUdiSm.
All my plans are bending according to my will.
By the end of this year, I must be working full force on CloUdiSm.
All my plans are bending according to my will.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Original Fake 4th Anniversary
Finally something that caught my eyes for OF.
P.S: I have a perchant for consumer purchases that fall under the category of 'individualistic (weird), small, impractical, cute and expensive.'
Cheers
P.S: I have a perchant for consumer purchases that fall under the category of 'individualistic (weird), small, impractical, cute and expensive.'
Cheers
Terror Kid
I recently encountered a terror kid from hell.
When I saw her, my opinion is that she appeared like this cute little girl who displayed great expressive skills beyond kids of her age. She could accurately describe her feelings and thoughts clearly and I thought it was excellent.
But little cutie was little terror as well. And I literally mean TERROR with caps.
After this episode, my natural deductive mechanism started working its rounds; looks are terribly deceiving. I think we can learn a couple of lessons from 张无忌的妈妈(殷素素). Before she died, she said that "漂亮的女生都会骗人." The gist of her advice to her son was don't fringing trust woman, especially those you think is pretty, cute or both.
In my case, this also applies to a 4-years old.
But you see, looks is a critical factor to a woman's destiny. In a research (Smith, 1985) done on preschoolers, attractive preschooler girls were more often recipents of altruistic behavior and were less often recipents of aggressive behavior than were unattractive girls. I remembered I used this research to augment my sociology paper and got distinction for it. But frankly, this sole deterministic factor towards the looks department is way too reductive.
Now I will attack one point; it says 'altruistic behavior' - which probably suggest that people are 'helpful' towards woman that are attractive. Helpful in this case (although is a fringing general term) also promote the existence of a separate agenda, distinctive from the pure sense of 'being helpful'. I will adopt Thomas Hobbes perspective on this issue; simply phucking self interest. Period.
But here's an irony - although CloUdiSm does not dismissed the importance of physical beauty, it is of no guarantee to a happy and fulfiling love relationship. I will repeat; it is of no guarantee and in fact, woman who are attractive often faced the problem of men failing to know them deeper inside (not as in sex, but you know what I mean).
Some man hate me for thwarting their grand plans, because I always seek to expose some of the biggest shit these men have formulated and crafted so surreptitiously into their strategic plan. I think it helps because I always think like a bastard, although I often fail to act like one.
I am usually right with my gutsy little intuition and overactive analytical mind. I won't share scenario here but the conclusion is that there's no such thing as a good man - going by Smith's research, you are merely a recipent of an altruistic behavior because you are likely to be attractive by his standard.
And woman, before you get flattered by such manoeuvre, there is a clause to this effect: it is relative to all the women he knows in his social network. Once time has drastically reduced your 'physical value' and aggrandized by sheer comparison to the many others he might have acquainted within his social network - don't be surprised if the object of his 'altruistic behavior' is no longer you.
Unless your man loves you for who you REALLY are - which is something more lasting than our exterior self - the above paragraph might be a problem.
Then my attractive woman - how do you know if he loves you for what's inside more than what's outside?
Good question.
What do you think?
When I saw her, my opinion is that she appeared like this cute little girl who displayed great expressive skills beyond kids of her age. She could accurately describe her feelings and thoughts clearly and I thought it was excellent.
But little cutie was little terror as well. And I literally mean TERROR with caps.
After this episode, my natural deductive mechanism started working its rounds; looks are terribly deceiving. I think we can learn a couple of lessons from 张无忌的妈妈(殷素素). Before she died, she said that "漂亮的女生都会骗人." The gist of her advice to her son was don't fringing trust woman, especially those you think is pretty, cute or both.
In my case, this also applies to a 4-years old.
But you see, looks is a critical factor to a woman's destiny. In a research (Smith, 1985) done on preschoolers, attractive preschooler girls were more often recipents of altruistic behavior and were less often recipents of aggressive behavior than were unattractive girls. I remembered I used this research to augment my sociology paper and got distinction for it. But frankly, this sole deterministic factor towards the looks department is way too reductive.
Now I will attack one point; it says 'altruistic behavior' - which probably suggest that people are 'helpful' towards woman that are attractive. Helpful in this case (although is a fringing general term) also promote the existence of a separate agenda, distinctive from the pure sense of 'being helpful'. I will adopt Thomas Hobbes perspective on this issue; simply phucking self interest. Period.
But here's an irony - although CloUdiSm does not dismissed the importance of physical beauty, it is of no guarantee to a happy and fulfiling love relationship. I will repeat; it is of no guarantee and in fact, woman who are attractive often faced the problem of men failing to know them deeper inside (not as in sex, but you know what I mean).
Some man hate me for thwarting their grand plans, because I always seek to expose some of the biggest shit these men have formulated and crafted so surreptitiously into their strategic plan. I think it helps because I always think like a bastard, although I often fail to act like one.
I am usually right with my gutsy little intuition and overactive analytical mind. I won't share scenario here but the conclusion is that there's no such thing as a good man - going by Smith's research, you are merely a recipent of an altruistic behavior because you are likely to be attractive by his standard.
And woman, before you get flattered by such manoeuvre, there is a clause to this effect: it is relative to all the women he knows in his social network. Once time has drastically reduced your 'physical value' and aggrandized by sheer comparison to the many others he might have acquainted within his social network - don't be surprised if the object of his 'altruistic behavior' is no longer you.
Unless your man loves you for who you REALLY are - which is something more lasting than our exterior self - the above paragraph might be a problem.
Then my attractive woman - how do you know if he loves you for what's inside more than what's outside?
Good question.
What do you think?
Monday, April 19, 2010
Blinded
It's ironic when someone shared with me this surreal wondrous encounter with a man all suave and heavenly, but pointing evidences are directed towards signs of what I have deemed as a player.
It's facile to get yourself suck into a whirlpool of love, deluded that it 'must' be some kind of love, but these are in fact symptoms of confusion and insecurity. The derangement stemmed from temporal shutting down of our prefrontal lobe, which governs our critical thinking (if we even exercise them at all) or simply 'the rational way' of looking at things.
Which is why being in love makes us 'blind' - our executive thinking function is disabled.
Man loses his mind after four drinks; a woman: after four kisses.
What do you think?
It's facile to get yourself suck into a whirlpool of love, deluded that it 'must' be some kind of love, but these are in fact symptoms of confusion and insecurity. The derangement stemmed from temporal shutting down of our prefrontal lobe, which governs our critical thinking (if we even exercise them at all) or simply 'the rational way' of looking at things.
Which is why being in love makes us 'blind' - our executive thinking function is disabled.
Man loses his mind after four drinks; a woman: after four kisses.
What do you think?
Monday, April 12, 2010
Changes
Some things changed and they are never the same again.
We are never the same again because some things changed.
We are never the same again because some things changed.
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