Pending thoughts

Yes yes... I will pen down my thoughts and upload selective photos among the horde of photos we took the other day... when I have the time to do so. You know, time is something I sorely lacked these days.

And I so love you guys.

*Hugz*

Aunt Agony 131107

Originally posted by sEphIrOth:

I have some serious issues.

To cut them short...

My girlfriend has a good liberal family who supports her, I have a conservative family who inhibits what I do. I feel she has so many talents yet I have none. I am feeling that I am inferior to her and that I am not good enough for her, yet we understand each other and are going well. I just do not want her to be suffering. She is very nice and caring to me, that's what keeps our relationship going. However, sometimes, she sees her work as priority. In the end, I feel I am not good enough for her because she is in a league high above me.

I have health problems too. High blood pressure, knee problem, sexual disorders. I am not ashamed because I feel I have such problems but I want to solve them, yet my family does not want to acknowledge some problems. The sexual problem makes me feel inferior as my male ego is damaged. Other ailments leave me thinking when will I die. I feel that so many problems at the age of 19, it is very disheartening.

My family does not bother about issues they would not put as priority. They want me to study hard without caring about my social life and my parents do not want me to work, yet limit me to meagre allowance( no allowance on weekends). I see everyone around me having things worth a lot, yet I feel, even something simple like something worth 50 dollars, I can't even have it. Mind you my family is well to do, yet they can have everything, and me, nothing I want. I feel so pressurized when my parents tell me not to do this and that but most things are what people my age usually do (e.g spending some time outside). My parents urge me to stay at home, when I don't see any meaning in doing the mundane things I do.

I am only troubled by these 3 aspects of life. I am very troubled and have spent countless nights pondering. I hope I can get help here because I am helpless and these thoughts constantly haunt me. I do not believe I am having a very low self confidence because I am rational and I will evaluate how things are going. Life is never fair, I am a living example

Like a bird with clipped wings, you desire the freedom to fly, yet due to years of suppression, you can't seemed to find the courage to seek this very freedom.

You blame your parents for being conservative, on the other hand, it's also partially because you obey and kept status quo.

I will not encourage you to rebel, but rather, I say demonstrate actual proof - that you are capable of independence, if this is what you really wanted, without running astray. Chances are, your parents will never hand over your freedom unless you can prove that you have seriously grown up.

Your parents are probably the paranoid parents, who are probably overly affected by the news on how youth become delinquents because they had too much freedom.

This is exactly what you must prove; you have to address whatever subconscious fear they have and mollify them.

Once when you have worked that out, your relationship will readjust accordingly.

And as for your health condition, you got to consciously take good care of yourself, if you have yet to understand the importance of it. You keep yourself healthy, not because of yourself, but because of the people around you for if you truly love your woman, I think the least you could do is to avoid putting yourself in a worrying situation where she has to struggle emotionally to keep you (and herself) afloat, should anything happens to you.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 071109

Originally posted by Starfish07:

Recently I just broken up with my bf whom I been together for 3 months. The reason we broke up is he is not the guy tat I really wan to spend life with & I dun feel happy when I am together with him.

For my past 4 r/s, I think this is the worst relationship tat I ever had. His friends are more important than me & he is not the one there for me to share my happiness & sadness & he hated to call me & reporting to me everything.

I am a very simple person. I just want my partner to be home safe, care to share his everything with me & if he is busy I am fine with it. But he think I am controlling him too much which he had his own time to do his things rather than accompany me.

Why I am deserved to be treated like this?Why I cant meet a good guy & fall in love & get married?I am just wondering is there any good guys out there who really wan to get into serious relationship?

I had a good job, an own part time business to handle, a good family, a group of friends but my relationship really sucks.Friends often ask me how is my relationship but i always tell them dun ask there is nothing to tell. I dun smoke, I seldom club & I dun drink but why cant I meet a guy who can really treated me well?

Even though I am very understanding & concerned about my partner but they often take me for granted.

I dare not to fall in love anymore as I scared of being hurted again & again & my heart might not able to take the pain.

You hold firmly onto your own definition of what love and relationship means to you; it seemed to have rooted into your personal core value.

Every relationship is as serious as how you want to look upon it as. You broke up with your guy, citing serious incompatibility, but I believe it's more likely that he is just unyielding towards your decree of how you perceive and desire the structure of your relationship to be like and that emphasis itself may not lie with incompatibility as a whole.

You seemed immalleable towards your attitude towards love, secretly hoping for a product which fits perfectly into how you want your relationship to shape into. Surely, that might happen to some, (especially people who managed to build excellent benefic relationship accrued from previous existence/s or having evolved personality from present life) but more often than not, if your cosmic lessons in life lies largely with your relationship, your growth will automatically spring forth from your challenges within and that you have to learn it with humility.

Your demand out of love will not materialise at face-value; in fact, it often develops an inverse relationship with your thoughts. What will only happen is that you will meet people that will allow you the potential to grow that personality and wisdom to eventually fulfill this demand or understand why you should drop such thoughts.

Ironically, the people who always claim they don't want to fall in love because of the pain, are precisely the very people who always fall in love and always come out battered.

The rationale is very simple; if you allow fear to govern your attitude towards love, then fear will manifest into reality for you. The quantum of fear you have in love is closely linked to one's inability to accept reality and growth in relationship. If you reject growth due to fear, then fear will circumvent you like a pall of miasmatic cloud.

A simple relationship per se is never simple - in fact, what simple to you could be a 180 degree change in behavioural pattern for another.

A perfect relationship is never by birthright; it always forged through understanding, compromising and maturity by imperfect partners ourselves. Only by breaking down the emotional barriers we have put in place for love and love with wisdom, would our higher consciousness attract the best possible mate in the same wavelength and make that into reality for us.

P.S: We learn to walk so as to prevent falling - we don't learn to avoid walking just because we don't want to fall.

Cheers

Candy Floss

Candyfloss X NumberNine Musician Series



Candyfloss X JH X Candy X Mohan's ghoulish hand



Singtel free sweet treats?

*Snigger*

Cheers

Soka Wedding

Soka ROM - interesting.

I have found my retirement job today - I am going to solemnise marriages and be an Earthly 月老. Hahahahahaha!

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 031107

Originally posted by Perception:

Yesterday would be a day which i cant forget in my life.

Sent X home after some event and on the way, I told her that I like her. I already anticipated that I would be rejected but yet I still choose to tell her.

Told her that I already expected that she would reject me but its just want to let her know about how I feel about it. Similarly, she let me know that she just want to concentrate on her studies first and not go into relationship and she treats everyone as her friends currently.

The thing that made me so attracted to her is probably her personality. She's so different from other girls in terms of attitude and behavior. Thats probably why she have so many suitors as well. And on top of that, she seemed to have rejected all of them in the past as well.

Heard from a friend that during the time when i sent her home, she was feeling abit sick from something she drank and would like to be alone when going home. My presence she said, kind of irritated her...

I am having mixed feeling about this incident. Firstly, I'm feeling quite happy that at least I've got the guts to tell her face to face. Secondly, I'm feeling abit saddened by her rejection, but at least from what I've know, she rejected other guys in the past as well. But the thing now is I do not know if I should continue waiting or just give up. She's a good girl from what I can see...

This is a closure, unless you tell yourself not to accept this fate.

P.S If you attempt to chase someone who have countless of suitors, if you do what the others are doing, you will just join in the rejection queue.

I will explain this with a marketing analogy:

If a company product has no USP and its brand position is no different from competitors, it will fail - for it gives customers no reason to, specifically, purchase its product.

Kudos for your courage to express your love; but you probably need better strategies in the future.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 031107

Originally posted by Caligynephobia:

I'm typing this post with a heavy heart.

So i have this friend, we're very close, we talk about everything and we were always

there for each others during "times of turbulent weather".

At first i guess i kinda had a crush for her, like initially when i wasn't that close to her, but i guess after we became really close friends i started to really like her. i haven't told her anything about it, cos i'm really happy with what we are. and i claim that i "don't really expect anything back" but i think subconsciously i have the desire to have and to possess. such is humanly love no? but up till today i have kept mum about it.

but i also have this other close guy friend and he has liked her since quite a while ago . and recently he told me that he really can't keep it in anymore, he just wanted to tell her and get this burden off his chest. So, me being me, i encouraged him to do it and i even help to set him up with her. i brought him to her house and asked her to come meet us outside so he could tell her everything. so he did. and turns out she told him that "the feelings are mutual" and after he told me that, i was crushed. but i have to act all happy for the both of them since u know they're both my close friends and stuff.

So i really don't know what to do now.. i feel so helpless.. so stupid.. so dumb.. what do i do next? forever keep my silence? i mean i can't just tell her now that i know she has feelings for my other guy friend? sigh.

Love doesn't go to the one that felt the affection first - it goes to the first person who initiates and makes it happen.

Nobody says you need to be hasty, but if you are apathetic towards the true emotions that are growing inside of you, you will come to regret in the future, should your cosmic lesson revolved around the notion of passiveness.

Don't you think it's really silly?

You had to keep mum for gawd knows reason and allow yourself to be stuck in this quagmire. Now even if you have decided to do something about it, you will probably appear like an arse trying to filch on your good friend's love because apparently, you are the one that 'brought them together', isn't it?

People hold their tongue and hesitated in the expression of love for numerous of reason; but regardless of rationale, the root of it all is fear.

Which is more painful? Fear or regret?

The answer is probably haunting you right now.

Someone told me this from her own experience:

'If you want your boy to act, introduce a competitor. That's where he will become a man.'

Losing someone is no big deal - but losing someone whom previously you might have a chance with probably inflicts a blow ten times. It seemed that you don't really have much alternative right now; either you live in quiet misery or you risk ruining one good friendship.

Both choices are as miserable as it can get – a choice between expired can food and soured milk.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 291007

Originally posted by Shanghai_Grand:
Heh, its plain true

I might as well say that im nearing polytechnic soon, im not bless in the looks factor and i have a average income family.. And i been dumped many times.. Some say in the face that u are too ugly.. , some say ,no $$ how to pay for my spending, Some say, no $$=no handsome, why should i partner you?? :evil:

Is this the standard of girls here nowadays? :x :x

Im very disappointed in them now, urge people here to find partner overseas instead of finding here, which is a waste of $$+time, and anguish.. :x

Seriuosly, girls, does money rule your life?

I wish i were born somewhere else, like japan


This is probably the 1252425625th times such topics came up - every dude who equipped themselves with such a mindset probably never had any personality to begin with. Those that complained about other people's strength (wealth, looks, etc) and attributed their plight because they do not 'enjoy' these strength like them. They have unconsciously revealed such screwed personality and mindset that is repelling and anti-seductive.

If you have no looks, cash and personality, I think there's seriously nothing to sell in the first place - it's like a salesman trying to sell a product with NO product features and hence, why should the customer purchase the goods?

Duh.

Also, what's up with man lamenting about materialistic woman? If you know the woman you are chasing is materialistic and you are attracted to them, then wtf are you talking about? (You know, this is the same argument as woman who loves jerks and complaining about this very quality that they hated)

I was talking to my jiemei previously and she was telling me how amazing guys would subconsciously feel the need for woman to respond positively just because they had wasted extravagant gifts for her.

We were seriously laughing our ass off.

I don't know why Singaporean guys always have that mentality that with money they can get any woman they want.

Sorry but that's so fringin` shallow.

I have yet to witness a relationship bought with the power of money and stayed with the power of love.

Let me know if you have succeeded.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 261007

Originally posted by magical_wen:

Hey guys,

ask u ah..

will u accept a girl ,16, who is no longer a virgin (done 3 times)?

will u be able to trust someone who dun even respect herself?

:| :| :|

In a veri short period of time..

i didnt know her veri veri well..

jus dat sometimes when someone says she loves u alot

i doubt whether theres any truth in it..

There is two distinctive notions in your topic and I would like to reframe it for you:

I) Would you accept a girl who isn't a virgin?

II) Would you accept a girl who has history of short-lived relationship/flings?

Don't bother about lecturing morals of what you think is right or wrong - the main concern here is that moving forward: what will be your course of action?

You already mentioned that you don't really know her very well before coming together - which probably implied that love probably never existed in the first place. Surely with that revelation, you will be shaken with doubts because with that little liking you have for her, would you seriously think that it's substantial enough for you to accept a 'flawed good' as painted in your perception?

Only love is able to accept - anything else will fail utterly, no matter how you want to position your mindset.

If you are even questioning yourself about your decision to remain with her - I suggest you should just drop the relationship. If you cannot appreciate a woman beyond her physical component - don't worry because someone else would.

Release her then.

Cheers

Oosh

I thought Iris is treating next week; only realized it was today.

Oosh had pretty much a zen-like ambience and though it was a pub (duh), we were so hungry that we ordered insane amount of finger food (actually it wasn't that insane, considering the number of people that was present).

We devoured everything that came - and I think that notion per se is hellva funny shit.



3 rounds of shot glass, Blowjob, Slippery Nipples, 2 jar of Frozen Margarita, one lychee-thingy and a whole lot of food



Iris was indeed incredible - she said the amount was less than she had anticipated.

And mind you it was a four digit treat in about 2 hours.

Woohoo!

Business Roadshow 2007

Business Roadshow was ironically a success. Not that it was a marked as a HUGE success, but oh well, it does conclude relatively well in the end. All the work poured into this project is pretty much insane for some that the day after it felt like reincarnation I believed. Haha!

And I just had to take picture of our area.



And the sales room.



And finally the seminar room. Gawd, I had accidentally snapped Michelle, Grace and Cindy unknowingly, in midst of my random photo-taking. Guess Pete had subconsciously trained me to take picture of every-farking thing you can lay your hands on.



Shagged

Aunt Agony 241007

Originally posted by candyx3o:

My bf & I are in different schools. We are only able to meet up once a week or so. He's studying in a co-ed school whereas I'm in an all-girls school. I somehow tend to be jealous & concerned about the girls he mix with. Is this kind of feeling normal?

Is it also normal to be jealous of the girls he once used to be with? I don't know who they are & whether my bf & these girls are still in contact. I would not want to ask him, because it would seem as if I do not trust him. Is there any way to not worry about such things? It's not that I do not trust him but I just have that feeling of jealousy in me. Is there any way to overcome it? Please advice. Thanks. :(

Someone asked me this question (in a slightly different scenario though) and I explained it this way:

'Trust me, you trust your boyfriend - you just don't trust man.'

***

The theory of security in love is as imaginary as the equator; it doesn't quite really exist. And whoever that tells you that it is possible to feel 100% secured; I would tell you that it's rubbish because when you fall in love with someone, technically speaking, you are putting your heart at risk with someone else who might have that chance, no matter how remote the possibility, to drop your crystal-love from his/her hands and shatter the brittle thing.

Unless you don't fall in love - you can't avoid such rich emotions from surfacing, hovering between two extremes.

And the reason why you cannot avoid this ill-feeling because it comes as an entire package in a relationship context. If you want to love and if you want him as a boyfriend, it's almost guaranteed that internally, your emotions will struggle with various degree of intensity from this 'alien' experience.

What you can do depends largely on the kind of wisdom you have in aspects of love and relationship. It's very much an inner evolution as human mature emotionally and it takes experience for you to understand and eventually cope with the natural flow of how your feeling works, so that you keep those 'disruptions' minimal.

I can tell you that it's all about acceptance and how your place your perception to your own advantage to avoid such ill-thoughts and feelings. But you won't be able to do it unless you come to a spiritual realization why you should do that.

You learn to love and in turn, love to learn.

Study your own emotions and dissect them like how you would do that during biology practical. Uncover the reason, in your own world and words, why is it happening and learn to see if it is beneficial to you or your relationship, (looking from a higher perspective) and what would you do to readjust this new-found experience.

You might be a teenager chronologically, but in love, you are but a toddler. Therefore like a child, you first learn by exploration.

Cheers

Corp MTKG Lunch Rendevous (19 Oct 07)

Corp Marketing friday lunch rendezvous at Hereen Sakae Sushi - Unconsciously, I can't help but to pop by at Tan Jiat Action City to say hi. Din see HQ's affection though.



Ten Don (I can't believe I ate Japanese food - Sushi Teh - for Darren's dinner gathering again).



Wiped out all the plates.

Over at lunch conversation, I realized that Danny could speak Japanese at JLPT 2 level.

Manz!

Swore that I am going to buck up on my language after all my main priorities are achieved first.

*Rub Chin*

Cheers

Aunt Agony 181007

Originally posted by Coffee Gabriel:

Hello, I am pretty frustrated & sad to say, I kept 'taking' O levels for the past 3 years. What do I mean by 'taking'? It means that I was not motivated enough to study for my subs as I had cash flow problems trying to myself to school. Maybe I could study on my own..but I am just not motivated already since I left school 3 years ago. In short, I was only buying the O levels exams for some 'relief' (like at least there's something to look forward to) Reason being, I didn't have a goal at that time.

Ok so now, I have a goal. I want to work in a kitchen making pastries & stuff. My F&N has always been the best in my secondary school. (I am always the first or second in my class..exams or otherwise) The thing is that..Could I take two diploma on that subject itself in two different schools? That means the same cert but is in two different schools. Is there a degree in pastry making? Or is it unnecessary for to take two certs with the same skills? Would the employer just ignore the other cert cause it's the same or would he be impressed?

Also, is there a future in it? Will I have enough money to feed myself throughout? Or do you think I should just take my O's & go through the normal education system? But even if I do, I'll just anyhow pass the subs. Besides I am already 20. A waste of time? Even if I am not interested in the sub or even O's anymore :(

You got to play your cards the way it suits your life.

It doesn't matter even if the whole world is turning left and you choose to turn right - seriously, it doesn't.

As long as your final destination is clear and the clarity also extends towards how you want to manoeuvre your life - that will do. But the bottom-line is that you must be extremely clear about your route you are going to undertake and be focus in your path.

If you have already 'wasted' three years, I think the least you could help yourself is to avoid adding more years to the 'wastage'. I don't think you want to end up realizing that the path you opt to take is but some short-lived passion and drop out of it halfway through your journey.

This is your life my friend - only you know yourself best.

Live your dreams and in turn, your dreams will inspire you to live. :idea:

Cheers

UP la

Time to rekindle my passion with dance. ^^

P.S: Melvin fringing` looks like Shingo. Wahahahahaha!

Cheers

Mafia Tee

I just bought a Mafia Tee! ^_^



It has been a while since I bought apparels for myself.

No more spending until Thailand trip!

Falling Down

I was boarding the NEL train, sat rather placidly while reveling in the world of mp3 and a cry manage to divert my drifting thoughts away from the limbo I was at; there was this little boy, wailing as he entered the train, kneeling in front of this woman who was with him as she found an empty seat and sat down - I deduced that it was the maid.

Every passenger were staring into our cabin's direction, wondering what happened as this was a different sort of kids' cry we often witnessed (you know, the usual refers to the sort of situation when a mother refuse to buy the toy for his son - that sort of thingy) - it was a outward blasting, KPKB sort of unusual cry.

Eventually, I realized what happened: the kid fell down and had a cut on his kneel.

It was a small cut; just that small cut and the kid cried as if his entire toenail has been ripped off by the escalator.

I recalled the days when I was younger, about the incident when I fell into a drain, with my entire leg brushed against the jagged surface of the manhole I dropped into and when I recovered myself, I could see blood were literally trickling down like chocolate fudge on ice-cream.

I shed no tears and attended to my wounds immediately - at least I had the sense to because I felt the need to do something about my injuries.

I remembered the look on Mummy's face had more pain than the ones that was found on mine.

With my memories churning rapidly in my head, it's pretty blatant why I would unconsciously shook my head when I saw the NEL kid - apparently, everyone have different threshold for pain.

Even kids.

And if one has such low threshold for pain - I think it will be probably more than just crying when the route of life display its harshness, manifested in our reality as we live.

I cannot picture one without struggle or adversity in life to grow robust and wholesome - it probably cripple us and weakened our ability to live fully.

In astrology, though Square and Opposition aspect are difficult angles, in which our life respond to, however successful people are successful precisely because of the tension from such astrological influence that they transform these motes of negativity into motivation and good use.

Are we so afraid of falling that we avoid the challenges in life just because we don't want to end up feeling the pain?

And the incredible thing is that this pain be self conjured - chances are, it may not even exist.

Perhaps the life in Singapore, people are generally attracted to stability - they don't mind being run-of-the-mill just as long as they don't fall or fail. A negative lost have more influence than a positive gain.

Passion is probably a dirty word - it makes no commercial sense anyway.

The talk about life is probably reduced to some inane topics in which one could probably sum up with a couple of sentence.

No drive.

No nothing.

Just numbers to the statistic.

Gawd.

Are you a statistic?

I know I am not - a vampire cannot be killed.

Undead won't fear something that it cannot be affected by.



Cheers

Aunt Agony II 111007

Originally posted by andrewtvp:

my gf has been in her new job for 2 months now. and i suspect she is having an affair and cheating behind my back.

history: we have known each other for 2years+ and have been together for 1yr+. she started in this new job for 2months already and i started noticing that she has sorta been distancing in the things we talk about and in the schedule of her daily life. so for the past 2 months i trusted her and spent time with her as usual. there was a period of 2weeks where i was super busy and couldnt meet up with her, she didnt even call OR sms me unless i initiated it. i felt we were drifting apart.

she had a history of lying to me about things previous, small matters, white lies in her own words.

but yesterday i guessed her email password and managed to get in.

she has been having a private correspondence with a guy in office, chatting over email, 100s a day.

as i started prying deeper.

they had sex on many ocassions. (i recalled and on those days she said she was tired and slept as early as 9pm)

their conversations were explicit. detailed.

he asked her if they were dating. she said yes. (inside i was hurting)

they flirted with each other. courted each other. called each other nick names. stole kisses and groped each other when no colleages were around.

my god i was hurt. and am still hurting so bad.

i felt i needed to confront them. but am afraid of losing this relationship...

how should i go about this??

depressed.distressed.dejected.

the hardest part is to hold a forced smile when i see her. sigh.

we had plans to get married next year. we had so many plans. but she couldnt even resist this simple temptation. while i have been holding on ever SO staunchly to this rs. sigh. he was in the right place. at the right time. i guess that was stronger than the 2years of bond we have built.

many times she said he was just a colleague, one that gives her a lift to work everyday. i cant. cos i live too far. on the other end of the island.

he sends her home everyday too. sometimes they head to the beach afterwork. sometimes they go back to their place. and coincidentally her last sms to me would be "fone low bat, ttyl!".

and the emails on the next day would be full of explicit details. which i shall spare you guys of.

we had promised each other to a monogamous relationship. but now that i cant even believe her words, what is there left?

please help me salvage us..

It's not about losing grip on the relationship; chances are - you have already lost it.

The man is very much a parasite exploiting a woman who has probably lost much interest in the man she probably only calls as boyfriend in name. However, the desire is mutual. Her personality kinda aid the concoction of seduction to his advantage as your woman has the propensity to indulge in deception of some sorts (afflicted Neptune).

You are still clinging onto the promise of the past, while she has already absconded from that era. Using discolored memories of the past and superficial words that have been said previously are now cast void and null - taking that into consideration to decide how you want to steer your future will likely to guarantee you poignant misery and the fate of having your emotions permanently crushed and shattered into a million of crystal fragments.

You displayed strong evidence of some avoidance-apt attitude towards love and relationship. You forcefully deny all blatant sign of perfidy and chuck it behind your unconscious, thinking that that would enable you to lead your life 'normally' once again.

The truth is that after your revelation: life will NEVER go back to normal. There isn't a 'normal' to return to now - everything else is an aftermath.

Instead of trashing it out on a serious note (probably with a ultimatum) and if she begs for forgiveness, it must be backed with actual proof of her course of action - effortlessly, you succumb to simple feminine tricks and gave in mindlessly.

You think that is love? I tell you that came from fear.

You have so much fear in your psyche that her one dramatic attempt at begging for your forgiveness appeared to hold more weight than a hundred signs of deceitfulness. In your mind, you held back communication and dialogue because you feared that that would mark the end of your love, but I can tell you, deep inside you are just praying that everything will just return back to normal and her infidelity will just cease miraculously.

Rubbish.

She might be stupid to lie, but you are silly to believe and the greatest fool to be able to deceive yourself with the most incomprehensible of reasons.

To catch her red-handed before you will let go?

Perhaps you are just delaying the inevitable: your constant refusal to accept that this act of promiscuity signified the final days of your relationship - akin to a dying soldier decapitated by three gunshot wounds, devoid of medical assistance and merely waiting for spiritual deliverence to release his soul from pain.

The difference is that your injury is an emotional one.

P.S: When you throw a frog into a pool of water at boiling point, the frog will jump out instantly. But when you place the frog into a pool of water and gradually heat the water, the frog will slowly boil itself to death without escaping. This is the frog theory of karmic relationship - of both first and third person perspective. Boundary regression is triggered until a point of maximum stretch length before it snaps like a wooden ruler - in karmic relationship, that result often signifies a partial payment of cosmic debt (CloUdiSm - Yunhaier).

Cheers

Aunt Agony 111007

Originally posted by tinuviel07:

My first post. Have always been reading around the forums..

Well just feel the need to let this out..

Been with this guy for 1 year 5 months.. He liked me before I like him.. After asking four times, I finally accepted him.. He was everything I could want at that time.. We had the same interests, we can talk about anything.. Basically we were on the same frequency..

About three months into the relationship, I moved in with him. Because, while staying with my parents, they didn't really let me go out late.. But since he finished work pretty late at about 11pm most times, I'm forced to make a choice.. So I guess that pushed me to move in with him.. Previously I stayed in hall in uni..

Most of my time were spend with him since we live together.. He used to manage a tuition centre near the place where we live, so I'll always be in the office with him while he taught.. as time goes by, because he needed tutors and the financial situation wasn't very good.. I took up tuition classes for him.. The money I earned will go into paying for the car loan, for our room rental, office rental and so on.. Of course he's paying too..

Things were supposedly well.. We spent all our times together, working hard, going out sometimes. But as the financial situation got worse, he became busier and although we were together most of the time, it was me studying or teaching and him doing his teaching as well.. It wasn't what I would call 'quality time' I guess. But at that time, I thought that if I love him, all these were just nothing much..

In around july/august this year, we were pretty close with this other couple.. And the four of us decided to go into a new line of business.. Things got started.. In September however, I was pissed with him for an incident and I kinda showed my 'black face' to the other guy (one of the partners). He was telling my ex how angry he was that I showed him my bad mood even if he wasn't the one that I was angry with..

It was a huge incident that my ex and I argued a lot about.. I felt that although it was my fault for not being sensitive enough, my only argument was that I thought that guy was like a close friend so I don't really have to hide my feelings that much.. I was just keeping quiet that day and not like I was throwing my temper on the other guy.. The other guy's argument was that if I could do this to him, I could do this to clients next time and it would be bad..

My ex wanted me to apologise to that guy, but I thought it was a small matter and I didn't see my mistake at that time so I refused.. My ex didn't explained why I was wrong as well..

So I was cut out of the new business.. And mostly because of this incident, my ex suddenly told me he wanted to break up.. I guess because he felt that I could no longer help him in the new business, and money was important to him at this point in time.. Before he broke up with me, he already moved to another girl which was a friend introduced by that guy..

I guess I can't let it go.. because he was so perfect before this incident.. Because I've put in so much emotions, effort into this relationship.. We were planning to get married next year.. So much plans, goals.. The future.. It's just gone like that.. It's hard to accept that a guy who could love you so much could just suddenly do this cruel thing to you..

Because all my times have been spent with him, so the empty voids now are quite unbearable and lots of memories in lots of places..

Time change... people change... money talk.

If love was a sturdy constant, everything else, being variables, will not cause the relationship to waver. Shake perhaps, but certainly not topple. If this constant is altered, even if the variables were to remain the same, nothing will stay the same.

Your cohabitation complicates your void because you have not only lost a relationship, but probably also your usual place of residence in which you have probably already grown accustomed to it. There are many emotional re-adjustment to make, leaving you terribly disoriented. Surely...as you had once left your 'safety shore' for this relationship, hoping to sail beyond the unchartered water to find glory in your hazardous, yet exciting journey in love.

Perhaps it might seem so, until the wretched storm brought your ship down with one cruel squall. You might think that one incident is the reason for your destruction, but I can tell you it's merely the catalysis.

In the first place, chances are, if your ship isn't well constructed to handle such crisis, it would probably sink... given the circumstances.

From a girlfriend, you have simultaneously played the role of a business partner and a colleague. This is admirable, but if your man doesn't see from that point of view, eventually the relationship would have dwindle into some sort of bland soup because the intense focus on monetary aspects of life would have cast a blinding veil upon the relationship - robbing the relationship off couple affection and love unconsciously. Devotion is pegged towards the lifeline of the business and quality time is mixed with business, work and the what's not.

And when you commercialise relationship - it becomes inane and vacuous.

P.S: Your ex is indeed self absorbed - he has completely forgotten about the struggle you had with him and I truly reckon that it's indeed his great lost to leave a woman, who has, ironically, no qualms about sticking around and struggling in unison with a man through such bad financial state.

You have liberated yourself from his struggle. You should accept the new freedom coursing through your vein and not let this unfortunate failure bring you down, leaving you lost as if you are drifting on a log after your shipwreck.

Keep determined resolution to restore yourself. You truly deserve someone better.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 031007 (Partial continuation from previous case - not recorded in Blog)

Originally posted by Nobunaga Oda:
Its not that i did nothing.
when she is attached i couldnt say it.
cos both of them are my friends.
When she broke up before i could say it, the next day patched back.

When you have corroborates with your deeper emotions that you have indeed fallen in love with your good friend's girlfriend, it's probably a point of no return. And if you have decided to pursue this further, your friendship with him will surely be in jeopardy and therefore there will never be a suitable time to do/say anything because a suitable time will never materialise.

Even if they were to go on separate ways forever and if you succeed in chasing her, you will still be branded negatively by him and risk losing this friendship as well.

What's the difference?

Ren ai zhi you li, ai ren zhe you yong.

Originally posted by Nobunaga Oda:

I cant do anything now.
But wait or try to find a substitude.

So we found the real answer for waiting - it is to fill in the gap between a possibility and the next possibility, so as to prevent a void for germinating in our love life because it's better to have a fantasy pre-occupying our mind than to live along life with absolute emptiness in aspects of love and relationship (CloUdiSm - Neptune, Fantasy and Self).

Try to find a substitute?

I feel for your next crush because her appearance is probably merely a shadow of this woman, which is sad because you will forever live your love life using the yardstick of the past to work out your future equation.

There's a broader view of yourself and your situation, in which you have prepensely allowed yourself to look as narrow as possible.

In love with love or Love itself?

You might just want to figure that out in time to come.

Cheers