Aunt Agony 031007 (Partial continuation from previous case - not recorded in Blog)

Originally posted by Nobunaga Oda:
Its not that i did nothing.
when she is attached i couldnt say it.
cos both of them are my friends.
When she broke up before i could say it, the next day patched back.

When you have corroborates with your deeper emotions that you have indeed fallen in love with your good friend's girlfriend, it's probably a point of no return. And if you have decided to pursue this further, your friendship with him will surely be in jeopardy and therefore there will never be a suitable time to do/say anything because a suitable time will never materialise.

Even if they were to go on separate ways forever and if you succeed in chasing her, you will still be branded negatively by him and risk losing this friendship as well.

What's the difference?

Ren ai zhi you li, ai ren zhe you yong.

Originally posted by Nobunaga Oda:

I cant do anything now.
But wait or try to find a substitude.

So we found the real answer for waiting - it is to fill in the gap between a possibility and the next possibility, so as to prevent a void for germinating in our love life because it's better to have a fantasy pre-occupying our mind than to live along life with absolute emptiness in aspects of love and relationship (CloUdiSm - Neptune, Fantasy and Self).

Try to find a substitute?

I feel for your next crush because her appearance is probably merely a shadow of this woman, which is sad because you will forever live your love life using the yardstick of the past to work out your future equation.

There's a broader view of yourself and your situation, in which you have prepensely allowed yourself to look as narrow as possible.

In love with love or Love itself?

You might just want to figure that out in time to come.

Cheers

Moon Cake Festival

Received Moon Cake from HP.

So 感动... Hahahaha... That's the good shit about Marketing.

Ed Hardy - Leo Cap

My first Ed Hardy Cap.

Thanks Yvonne! ^^

Open House

Finally... I could login to blogger once again.

Kaoz!

Stupid Norton.

Aunt Agony will resume once again. I will not repost cases where I posted during this absence though.

Aunt Agony 080907

Originally posted by tequila:
We have been together for 19 months.. I remember every month of our anniversary, buy her surprise gifts, flowers, text her to ask her to remember to eat, stay out like 2, 3 hours to wait for her to finish work while i just finished a 14 hours work, bring her toI'm 10 years older than her hence i really pamper her a lot a lot.

She don't seems to put in any effort in our relationship. Our off day is not fix but she don't seems to try to fix the same day for us to meet. Didn't even tell me when she off until i ask. I have to take the initiative all the time to make plans and meet.

But now i feel that i'm tire, i'm tire of keep trying but she just don't do anything. You guys will tell me to talk to her but as what i know of her with her temper, she will not listen and accusing me for oversensitive. I really can't bear to give up this relationship but i really don't want this loop sided love to carry on.. Please help me, i really don't want to make a silly decision and regret for the rest of my life. I really love her a lot.



I will address two points:

I) If I were to say that there is a successful formula in love out there, but we don't know what is it. And that everyone got different formula tailored to our specific life and cosmic lesson; just that we have to figure the seemingly complex (and usually perplex) equation somehow or rather.

So in our daily life, we struggle with our mindsets, attitude and actions to uncover our de facto formula behind love, hoping in which we can ultimately be contented with and score victorious in aspects of love.

But the question is: how do we create something we have no idea from?

***

Were you born in this world knowing how to love?

Love may be intrinsic, but we probably learn to love incidentally.

So where did our inaugural ideas of love first derive from?

I will tell you we all behave strictly as accordingly to our individual definition of love - this term sharing the same meaning as a term for 'successful formula' I had mentioned above.

However, our definition of love is always imperfect because of our early childhood, our experience, our environment as well as the inner condition of life. Therefore, as we struggle through this road in life, we tweak our formula accordingly to how we perceived our reality - whether the experience is vicarious or not (we CAN be influenced or be subjected to the influences of others/mediums, in the way we lead our love life). With wisdom, we should find ourselves getting nearer and closer to this matrix.

But that's only in an ideal situation. More often than not, we will probably circled a few rounds before we achieve that ideal path in love.

You are in that sort of situation: wondering what went disarray, despite giving a world to your love. Such circumstances often coerce a man like yourself into retrospection that leads to befuddlement because it makes absolutely no sense why. (It can be explained via Classic Conditioning, but I won't go length with it for now).

XenStar made an interesting point in this post - coming from similar situation - but the gist of this whole drama centred on a one notable cosmic lesson: the need to readjust your definition of love and understand the concept of 'Moderation'.

Too much of anything is a bad thing, therefore it goes the same for 'good behaviour'. But that doesn't mean you have to employ a negative value to balance the equation like what XenStar has advocated. Ironically in love, when you have a figure of 3 and you need to get the sum to 2, it doesn't mean minus 1 will resolve the entire issue. In theory yes, but not in reality.

II) The wide gap in chronological age poised one typical issue affecting our definition of love - phases in love and life. A woman ten years your junior is likely to view romance, love and relationship vastly different from a man like yourself.

You dated with the intent to marry and she dated with the intent for romance, and self exploration.

Love is not about looking each other; it's about looking at the same direction - the same definition of love.

Would you be able to educate your woman to share this sentiment? Or would she influence you to share hers?

Perhaps you might want to do REAL communication (not sugar-coated chats, fear-imbued talks or even not-getting-to-the-point conversation) to check out the discrepancy and decide how you are going to patch the chasm from there.

Loving her a lot is one thing - making it work is another.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 070907

Originally posted by violentcow:
i feel that my ex likes me even more after breaking up with her.. i broke with her coz she betrayed me and cheated me with something big.. now i'm seeing another girl but my ex keeps calling me and stuff i'm not sure if i like the girl anot but she dont trust me anymore coz i told her i breakup but my ex still contacts me alot... aaaaaaaaaaaaa help what should i do?


She can contact you, but it's your call to decide if you want to reciprocate her response. Therefore, your confusion is due to your act of reciprocating.

Sometimes, I find it silly for people to go back to their ex-love who has betrayed them blatantly. The 'extra-dosage of affection' poured from her action after you had acrimoniously left her is probably motivated by guilt and revelation.

You think is spurred from love? I seriously doubt it.

Some people sympathised that it could be a moment of folly; but loyalty is one thing that cannot be compromised in any context of a proper, serious relationship. You cannot use loyalty as a expendable commodity, having to revise the definition of loyalty according to the flow of circumstances. I think that makes a relationship pretty much 'unrelationship' and makes the pursuit of love very intense.

That point alone differentiates a fling from a relationship, in which I can see some post advocating towards the former, in your list of possible... available choices.

If you can't handle it, I suggest you avoid putting yourself in such predicament. If her contact is causing you so much confusion, then cut them to gain clarity.

Remember: you are responsible for your own emotional well being.

Cheers

Comex 2007

I just had to take photos our of area. Massive and huge scale. At least two times more zai than Singtel.

And of course... the holy booth. Hiak!

Cheers

Gift from Marcom

I am supposed to upload this; but simply no time to even blog proper.

Sigh.

Impending Karoshi.

Cheers

Aunt Agony V 260807 (Continued from AA 240807)

Originally posted by Scion79:

I am impressed. Sincere thanks for your meticulous and surprisingly immaculate analysis. It has certainly enabled a new dimension towards my
perception in life. You pointed out that I have many dimensions of vulnerability as a whole pertaining to relationships and emotions. That is such an
accurate mirror of my inner-most feelings.

Prior to my acquaintance to S, my preceding relationships and flings could not engage me beyond my esteem, cognitive emotions and aesthetic desire, which belongs to the 2nd quantum defined in Marslow's hierarchy of needs. To put it in layman terms, I have not explored my humane self fully by reaching the top consortium of self-actualization and ultimately, self-transcendence. Through S's tender sincerity, I began to learn how to love and to sacrifice unconditionally. (Which is such a shame given that my 1st relationship started when I was 13 and all those 10 years before I met S, I have not been able to bask in the full potential of unblemished and pure love).

You surprise me with your accurate inference of "You have unseen blemishes clogged deep right in your soul since the day S promulgate breaking up." In many situations in life, you can forgive but it is somehow difficult to forget. Different individuals have diverse takes towards dealing with life's hard knocks. This is best described by the Elephant metaphor involving 7 blind men, which is so highly advocated by Alan Greenspan before his tenure at the world bank was up. Since that fateful breakup, the bruise in my ego has egged me on full acceleration to improve myself and achieve as much as I can. On hindsight, I can say that without this setback, I would probably have remained languid and unambitious, especially so when I could easily take my family wealth for granted. However like what you prophesied, the hate of having my feeling of love in its purest form disappointed remains embedded deep. Now can you share some views how I should let go of this hatred and start to accept love without prejudice? I trust your insight would be beneficial from the sincere and profound reply
you have posted thus far.

Seperate issue, you mentioned that a player by rationale should have no qualms taking a relationship easy without finding hard to let go right ? With the risk of sounding absurd, I am actually a soft hearted person. My current situation would have easily been resolved by terminating B and cutting off all contacts if I
was callous enough. Do you understand why I find it hard to bring up the seperation issue to B now?

Anyway I really appreciate your advise, it is wise and unpretentious. Out of curiosity, what is your profession? You seem to have a very analytical mind
and surpassing articulation skills. It was indeed my pleasure to correspond with you. Have a lovely day ahead.

Cheers



How can you accept love without prejudice?

You just have to return back to the self when 'S' manifested it out from your life when you were in aussie.

You have been there before - you know the road to unlock that route; just that you have chose not to.

***

Seriously, it depends on whether you prefer to pursue a relationship driven out of love or fear.

Fear is a huge black word that covers all aspects of negativity that you employed to protect yourself and your ego. And it's impossible to be self protective and loving at the simultaneously - that logics never worked. It's either you are a loving person that allows love to evolve you or you prefer to be self absorbed, warding love away by swinging your blades maliciously at something so natural.

You were right about you being delicate inside because chances are, you are having strings of relationship because there's so much unconscious fear in love that you had to leave women before one of them uncover this side of you... the facet of yourself you never wanted to divulge unknowingly again.

You might think that your reason for not leaving B is because of her; but I am afraid when you probe deeper, it's more likely to be you. That domineering woman you first knew her, had become submissive and equipped with complete evolution in her attitude towards her relationship - do you see a mirror image?

Do you see yourself, in her, 5 years back?

Have you realised that you had become the position of 'S' when 'S' was 'S'?

Your hatred and disappointment in love has transformed you into the very hatred you abhorred.

What's callous in love could be gentle in the long run. Albeit, it may appear heartbreaking to call it off, but what's that compared to the insidious truth of you having the initial agenda of this love: to profit from this partnership in career-knowledge wise, sexually and every other thing in which might not have mentioned here? Yes, it's between two consented adults, but allows me to reveal my two cent below:

At her age, B probably just needs a man to settle with, regardless of the expectation she has for her mate (I assume she is about 32).

You don't have to - Man always has that luxury.

Now that you have readily admit you have no love for this woman and since you are not going to marry her (neither are you releasing her), are you going to retain her until you resolve your emotional insecurity? At the age of 32, how long do you intend to keep her?

I wonder if you realise that you will probably destroy her like how 'S' did to your emotional state - your sympathy has become a facade for cruelty.

Cheers

Aunt Agony IV 260807

Originally posted by silly&dumb:
I am posted overseas for work for 2 years. Before i left, both me and my bf agreed that this is a good test for our r/s.

All has been fine, until recently, I found myself developing a crush for one of my colleagues. 1st time .

From the time I acknowledged this "infatuation", I know it will head no where. Because also,we're from different parts of the world . i know this but I somehow got very attracted to him. Each time he gives me that charming wide smile, I find myself secretly going "gaga" inside.

to cut the long story short, I am in serious dilemma with myself. I find myself lost in a situation where i will always fnding reasons to place myself near him, or checking out where he is, what he is doing.

And these carried on for 2 weeks. But our contact is always a wide smile or short conversation with regards to the work he is doing.

everything was in stagnant phase until yesterday, I gathered up enough courage to sit beside him in the meeting room and then i said to him " i think you are very cute" in his language. I guessed he was quite surprised but he was all smiles.

Then today, we happened to be together for lunch, and on the walk back to the office, he suddenly asked me if i have a boyfriend.

that moment struck me. I had not expected him to ask me this and I seriously duno wad to say. No idea why he asked me that question which i regard as very "personal" and I pretended that i have not heard him. then he asked me again.

Then I told him that Im not sure, and maybe yes, maybe no. he asked why?
i just stammered and I just cannot lie completely.

I am such a hypocrite. But I don't know how to deal with myself.


LDR is not just any other test - it's a high risk gamble with regards to blind faith without physical presence; like believing in God without seeing God's avatar in person.

One truth is that not many can handle the implication of absolute freedom because when we are so dazzled by this fresh breath of freedom, we realised that we have so much powers on hand that we can do anything we want without being caught (or at least the accountability can be concealed).

Right now, it's so possible for you to cheat on your bf without his knowledge, fool around for a good two years and after you had your fun, you could go back to your boyfriend in Singapore and treat everything that took place as surreal (unless your conscience hinders you in any ways). Of course, by then, if you reckon that you loves his man better, you are also free to dump the guy in Singapore and continue this relationship.

A best of both worlds isn't it?

You are facing a factor most commonly attributed to the failures of LDRs - when you realised that you have new considerations. Imho, the lack of your bf's presence might have contributed to your initiatives, but nevertheless, when you talk about test, this is after all your 'examination question', therefore your dilemma is anticipated and isn't random.

You are not a hypocrite; you are just emotionally confused because this man wanted to check your on current 'status' and you felt that if you were to be truthful, it might eliminate whatever possibilities it could have been - whatever the possibilities your subconscious mind quietly desired.

Take it easy first. Yes, you might have felt something different in this man; but it's too early to decide on anything. It could be a product of your emotional needs not tendered while slogging overseas - seriously, you will never know. My suggestion is to be truthful with yourself, your circumstances and take it one at the time; making dubious replies will make you appear evasive.
Please allow time to give you some directions.

Cheers

Aunt Agony III 260807

Originally posted by F.raon.I.R:
sososo sucky.Coz i happened to see my crush in other guy's arm posing for pic.damn.It was a birthday pic,this guy created this confession situation with help of some frens like u saw in tv.i'm feeling damn down now.Ever since i saw that picture,my mind has been pre occupied with that picture that i rather never ever see.hai.what should i do.I am very tempted to ask her about what's their relationship like though i wanna act blur,asking her if she's still single.
i don't know what i am to her.I wonder if my actions are obvious to her,my feelings for her.Confused.
need some time for this sorrows man.. :x :cry: :cry:



Why even bother in the first place?

If you so affected over your 'competitors' (when you should be focusing in yourself by selling both your tangible and intangible qualities to her), then you will forever be insecure because guys will still be flocking to her even if she is attached with you.

It's always never about competitors - it's always about yourself and your inferior complex.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 260807 (Continued from Aunt Agony 110207)

Originally posted by sggirl07:
My bf and i have broke up for half a year. This was my story (Refer to AA 110207)

For those who are lazy to read, to summarise, he was married and seperated, and asked me to wait for him for completion of his separation, which would be due by end march.

During this period of time, we barely met. manytimes, he agreed to meet, but last min had to cancel. and manytimes i asked to meet, he turned down saying he was busy

i waited for him, but when the deadline was approaching, he continued to be evasive. still so reluctant to answer my qns on things, and when i asked when can we meet, he said maybe april. i was so mad and i felt that he was stringing me along. Confronted him , but he was still evasive.

so we broke up in end march.

Recently he called me, claimed that he has divorced, asked me to patch up. So i asked for time to think. we communicate via email, msn and phone. he asked to meet. i turned him down. as i think it is not a gd idea to let emotion overtake gd judgement, and you really wont know how things will turn out after meeting up. he agreed. i think it is fair to only set a deadline, so i told him i will let him know the answer by october. he agreed too.

all this while, i have been considering. And all this while, he has asked to meet occasionally, i turned him down.

this morning, he insist that he wants to meet me this weekend, and want things to 'move', cos he is lonely and he is refraining himself from getting involved in other relationship while waiting for me.

i feel that this is absurd. this is too much. so if he wants, he can ignore me totally and dont meet me at all even though we were together (ie a couple). and now he is lonely, i must meet him despite i need the time to have a clear mind to think? :evil:

Is he disregarding my feelings? Does he really think i am a inferior being to him? Does he even respect me at all?



It seemed that your karmic bonds with him have yet to be severed because if it truly does, whatever he does, say or want wouldn't even compromise your original stand of wanting out initially.

If happiness is paramount to any relationship we are in; it seemed that you have wasted your emotions for more than half a year and yet decided to any significant decision to get him out of your life and move on.

You have chosen to end the relationship, but not your spiritual bonds with him. Your suffering derives largely from your karmic bonds with this man - not merely just the relationship.

Perhaps you are right about you being delusional; at this current stage, you are still questioning if he's disregarding your feelings? If you are the sort of person who needs absolute definite answer to any particular question, you will probably get none from him. He has been using this strategy to bind you emotionally (probably his ex-wife as well) and it's still rather effective till date because you are still affected and failed to be nonchalant.

If being evasive on his part can grant him the opportunity to stop you from walking out of him altogether - however remote - he would probably reckon that what are his chances if he's all open and honest, you wouldn't? It's akin to a salesman telling you everything bad about the product - would you buy something that gives you no incentive to purchase it?

This man reeks of a deceptive aura; albeit having a broken marriage isn't criminal, but surely, his failure in marriage suggested much about his inner condition that contributed at least 50% of the crumbling relationship with his ex-wife.

The theory is simple; if he's open, honest and all that positive qualities to assist his relationship to a better flow and outcome, a divorce isn't likely to take place because it would have saved his marriage instead. It is precisely because of his twisted emotional condition that manifested itself negatively that causes such upheaval and chaotic state in aspects of his love relationship.

Also people, before you start condemning man/woman coming out of failed marriage, I prayed that you have an open mind to understand that marriage isn't always the final judgement of love in our relationship - that component is always determined by our individual cosmic lessons. Some people do not have that fortune to love happily-ever-after after marriage because for some, it's where their lessons in love truly begin.

Our failure in love provides us the opportunity to understand love as unique individuals because essentially, how our emotions developed is based on our life experiences: how I grow and developed emotionally is vastly different from how each and every one of you does. But the bottom-line is that if we fail in seeking whatever enlightenment needed to achieve a break through from our doleful state in love, our cosmic lessons will reiterate itself until we perish trying.

It's no crime in loving a man/woman having out from a failed marriage - your choice only matters if you are loving an evolved individual or the same figure that 'manslaughtered' his/her relationship previously.

Which do you reckoned that your man belongs to?

Cheers

Aunt Agony 260807

Originally posted by sunray999:
Hello, I have a gal that I like, however, I still havent thought of a way to tell her that I like her without being so direct.

We are good friends at the moment.

Anyone has advise? Can share pls?

A hint is a hint.

A strong hint is still a hint.

How indirect could you keep hinting your affection?

Only through blatant action/verbal declaration would you be able to bring what you need across.
If not, your liking is but hidden.

Because a hint is eventually still a hint - words stuck at where the throat is and fettered hands clenched, when it should have been open.

P.S: Quoting MCsquare once again: Ren Ai Zhe You Li, Ai Ren Zhe You Yong

Cheers

Original Fake/Kaws X Takara

This has to be one of the most precious birthday gift till date.

There are things that money can't always buy.

P.S: But for all other things, there's MasterCard. LOL!

Cheers

Aunt Agony 240807

Originally posted by Scion79:
Dear all,

I'm new in the forum, let me share my story. Apologies as its gonna be a long one, I shall make it as short and painless as I can, pls bear with me. First, I shall detail the current background and a short introduction to the female leads of my story. I am attached to B. S is my ex-gf and we broke off almost 3 years ago. she has been single since then.

B - she is 4 years my senior and has a pretty and classy look. She looks very much younger for her age of 32. Career wise, I would say she's the ambitious and career woman type. Used to be in the phama-aesthetics industry and currently, she's into hospitality brand management (Client includes Starwood, Ascot, Macau Sands, San Regies etc). She is blessed to have a rather well to do family and that explains her spoilt, attention seeking and demanding nature. Family background wise, can consider that we are compatible.

S - she is 1 year my junior. Look wise, she too has a pretty face although her height is comparatively compromised and her frame is waif like. (though personally I think she's very attractive) Career wise, she too can be considered ambitious though she has slowed down considerably lately. She’s an account manager in the advertising industry and by a twist of coincidence; my organization is one of the major client to her Advertising agency (Part of WPP group, though I won't reveal which one to protect her identity). I am the main contact point fronting the partnership (from a client perspective that is) Though she's not servicing my account, we have ample opportunities to meet. Family background wise, I would say she had been thru a bad childhood which gives rise to her insecured nature. S is a very sincere person who place others in a higher priority than herself. She is simply sweet...

Following so far?? Let's flashback to 5 years ago (2002). I was a young and wayward punk who juz ORDed. Due to my mediocre results, I could not enter local Uni so off I went to Australia to further my studies. And I was so blessed I got to know S, who is really an angel to me. I used to have many flings in the past but S changed my perception in relationships. We did everything together. she cooked my meals and I did all the household chores for her. Mutually, we fell for each other unknowingly and progressively. Then something happened. One nite, when she professed her feelings for me in a very subtle manner, I didn't get the hint and unknowingly rejected her. How silly I was... After that, I returned to Sin for my holidays as S had to stay behind to complete a deferred module. During this 3 weeks, I realized that absence made my heart grew very much fonder. I missed S dearly and finally, I realized she meant so much to me. When I went back, she was already attached to my so-called friend. (Well curse myself cuz I was the dork who rejected her). I was totally shattered. Well to cut the story short, me and S did eventually become an item. Life was so sweet, except the fact that she was rather possessive and temperamental. Well nobody is perfect and I gladly changed from a free-spirited and untamed person to a submissive and gentle partner. I was determined she's the destined one for me... While she lay sleeping one night, I secretly measured her fingers for the ring size and bought her a diamond ring. I intended to surprise her and propose to her once I graduated from Uni. S graduated before me and returned to SIN ready to embark on her career. Well at this point, things turned for the worse. S had always been rather success driven and she decided to engage full gear into her career. Being her partner, I gave her no stress at all, always calling her from long distance only when her schedule allows. Under the eagerness to excel in her career, S gives herself huge expectations resulting in tremendous stress. Before long, we grew very distant. Finally, 1 week before my birthday, she ended our relationship via SMS, citing very superficial reasons. I wasn't even given a chance or explanation via telecon... I was crushed. Being a person full of pride, I accepted it without any contest or plead for a re-evaluation of the relationship.
I spent countless nights sleeping in my car (in the cold Aussie winter) cuz I couldn't forget all the happy times we had setting up our rented apartment together and stepping into this same apartment only brings back painful memories. For the 1st time, my tears shed freely for a woman...
Back of my mind, I attributed it to her insecurities and her unwillingness to have a partner who could not guide her well enough in her career. To put it bluntly, she must have thought that I was still a loafing student, good for nothing, who has no qualms in squandering my parent's wealth. (I admit to that...) From that day onwards, I redirected my sorrow to studies. I vowed to get good grades and be someone at least comparable to her. I know S is capable and her potential is great and boundless. Thus, I vowed never to lose out to her. All along however, I do not blame her. She was someone I loved dearly, eternally... Regardless, I know that she will always remain very special in my heart....Frankly if I were to choose again knowing the unpleasant outcome, I would have chosen to love her with all my heart as I did...

Eventually, I graduated with good grades. Career wise, I think I can be considered rather lucky. However in terms of relationships, I have totally lost confidence
in everything. I reverted to my flamboyant ways and had many flings, hurting many ladies in the process. My notion is that relationships are transitional and thus I have developed this self protecting mechanism. To me, my career matters most. Relationships are intangible and thus I can't attribute a projected NPV of the
relationship nor can I determine its ROI. I developed a casual attitude. I know I'm very selfish, but to all my flings, I made it upfront that I wasn't the commited sort and well, it takes 2 hands to clap.

Eventually in Jan 2006, I met B. She was very stuck up and aloof initially and that sorta prompted me further to woo her. We could talk about anything under the sun from Hedge funds to entartainment.. We just couldn't run out of topics to discuss and I find that unlike most of my flings (who can be considered bimbotic, sry no pun intended), B possess good looks as well as brains. Largely, she is considered to be a successful career woman, many would think she's arrogant too.. B surpass S in terms of career (due to her age maybe), and to that, I vowed to win her over as I once told myself I will get the affections of a woman who is intellectually stronger than S and more established in her career as well. B seemed the perfect persona for my choice. Also, I felt that with her age and experience, B would be a great guidance to me in terms of career development, imparting me vast knowledge on the industries she's exposed to.

Courtship wasn't easy as B had 2 other suitors after her at that time, both were accomplished professionals far surpassing me in terms of career establishment (much older than me too of course). After a hard span of 3 mths, me and B were together but problems started to surface. 1st, B has high expectations in terms of quality of life(read: monetary problems). Of course due to her age, her salary is higher than mine. She demands tiffany diamond rings (I didn't even intend to marry her!!) and thinks that my monthly salary is not sufficient to support her. (fyi my salary is hovering around 4.3K per month.. I think it should be comfortable if we spend wisely but B thinks otherwise). Secondly, we have huge disparities. She adores a very different pastime as compared to me. For me, I love clubbing,
painting the town red, as well as modding my car (like most guys I reckon). B does oil painting and fencing among others. Maybe like they said, opposites attract. Thirdly, we have opposing takes towards what is acceptable relationship between guys and ladies. I have many close lady friends but to me they are
purely friends, B knows about my flirting past and she wants me to shun my lady friends. We had major disagreements and end up quarreling most of the time when we meet (which is rare as both of us are workaholics). Whatever passion we had at first died. To me, it was more like going through the motion. By this time, I have already inherited whatever knowledge she has to impart to me and there is no long any intangible leveraging power being together with her.

Finally during December last year, we decided to take a 3 week break in Japan to re-evaluate our relationships without the stress from work. By then, I no longer had any feelings towards her. I became so cold that she sensed it and during our outbound SIN-FUK flight, I confessed to her on-board that my feelings had died. Guess it wasn't a great way to fly for B... Naturally, our 3 weeks in Japan was a disaster. Upon return, B was diagnosed to be suffering from dysmenorrhea, which is a rare case of painful menstrual cramps caused by the thickening of internal endometriosis walls and excessive bleeding. The only long-term solution was either childbirth (which I’m definitely not prepared to undergo with her... not even marriage lest to mention childbirth!!) or hysterectomy. The preventive measure however was to remain relaxed and stress free. With that, B's perception towards life changed. She became very much less demanding and became subtle and submissive. From the discovery of her condition in March till now, she has totally changed towards me, being more supportive and understanding now. However my heart is already dead. Being with her is very much like a responsibility more than anything else. Because of B's constant and unpredicted stomach cramps, our social life is much affected. We cannot go out partying, shopping, etc like we used to cuz B would suddenly break out in cold sweat and have to go home immediately to rest. To me, it has given rise to a very boring and mundane relationship. Nevertheless I find it hard to leave B out of pity more than anything else. It's becoming increasingly unbearable.

Recently, I celebrated S's birthday. B is blissfully unaware of course. S got drunk and when I was sending her home, she mumbled something like I'm sorry
and I love you. Well of course I took it with a pinch of salt. Hypothetically, I have got over S. I do admit I still love her in a way but having gained back my freedom and nonchalant outlook towards life, I can never envisage leading a happy life as S's submissive partner again. In some cases, its really better to remain closest friends than being together. Lately, S also mentioned she's afraid she might be left on the shelf, etc etc.. We have been meeting up more often lately. Though the possibility is small, I'm afraid I might fall for S again unknowingly. This would be disaster as I know we won't have a fairytale ending, regardless.. Views please???

As for my relationship with B, I really dun know how I should communicate to her and call off the whole thing. I know i'm selfish but isn't it better to end it early
in a relationship where no love is involved rather than prolonging the pain. Right from the start of my relationship with B, I had made a disclaimer that i'm not the committed sort and I have little confidence in long lasting relationships. B knows and accepted that. Well I would say our relationship had been sweet too but its actually more of a physical one than an emotional one. Now, any views or suggestions how I should end the relationship with B with least pain possible to her?

Thanks for the patience in reading my post thus far, greatly appreciated. Cheers and have a great day ahead.


No worries about your long post; in fact, you have pen down an extremely detailed situation about your own woe.

***

There are a couple of subconscious issues that have been affecting and implicating your love life, whether or not you recognise those afflictions. Perhaps afflictions might be too harsh of an adjective to use, but you get the gist of what I am driving at later as my post unfolds itself.

Inherently, you are like bee, actively visiting from flowers to flowers. And a bee does what a bee does; until the bee forgets being a bee.

Perhaps in all other superficial relationship you have been before, you probably only learnt about what's love and passion until the day you realise the sinking feeling of its absence. It could be a change of environment that actually bonded you and S together; but when you eliminate this variable, many things will likely to change accordingly.

In fact, her presence revealed many dimensions of your vulnerability as a whole, despite being a player, in which by rationale, you should be able to take it easy, making this no exception.

However, no matter how reinforced our exo-skeleton is, our emotions and ego are as tender as raw meat itself. Our emotions are easily wounded and to make matter worst, it's not always readily responsive to self rejuvenation and recovery.

It seemed to me that you have this penchant of falling for capable women that fly high in areas of their career, which is the main factor you have attributed to the fall of your previous love. Your decimated love has wickedly flailed your sensitive ego as you reckoned that this utter failure is largely because of your lack of achievements and status in society (Sun probably gets affected in face of tension of aspects in MC/significator/s of 10th house).

Your vow to evolve is not a statement of love; rather, it is a statement coming from a bruised ego.

Because the bee returns to being a bee.

The amusing question is why return being a bee when your evolution could actually led you to become something else more spiritually matured and stable? Like a mortal and not an insect?

You have incarcerated your love profile to this enclosed definition - the wholesale segmentation between flings or 'S' solitarily, in which you have classified her as your benchmark of what love and passion truly means. This formula in your heart is such that for as long as nobody presents itself in a finished product that resembles this secret concoction that caused you to shed your first tear in love, it belongs to the former category.

Sometimes even when we stopped bleeding, it doesn't necessarily means we are healed. Emotional injuries not resolved will often rot from within - gradually, you probably have realised that your defensive mechanism is a huge hindrance to your advancement in aspects of love. Your facade may have shielded you by gaining relative happiness at the cruel expenses of other ladies, but your void within will consume you inside out subconsciously because five years later, you are still sauntering in circles.

Though you are pretty honest with yourself - being in a physical-apt relationship, it can hardly speak of any substantial love affection. So is it any surprise when you mentioned that your passion has died? Probably your automatic trigger has labelled her under the same category as your other flings, perhaps just that you slog a little harder this time round in your pursuit, thus you are giving more consideration to this relationship, compared to the usual relationships you so quickly grow restless with.

Yes, her illness might have touched your humane side, but love cannot survive on sympathy. You will only grow to escalate more emotional frustration as you are unwilling to be in the relationship.

No elements can substitute the power of love; all other retention strategies will fail with the test of time. Therefore, your hesitation is merely delaying the inevitable with regards to B.

You have unseen blemishes clogged deep right in your soul since the day S promulgate breaking up. Whether or not you will fall for her again, the question lies not with love, but with the man: would you allow yourself to be vulnerable once again? You know like opening yourself to have someone get inside you and possibly messing you up once again?

You can't fall in love unless you allow yourself the condition to do so.

It applies not only to 'S' - it's the same for 'A-Z'.

Cheers

Chronicles of Yunhaier (Birth Place)

Yunhaier was born from there.

Cheers

Aunt Agony III 190807

Originally posted by huishan:
hi i long time never come in liao...hehe...by the way now i got two of my personal question about BG relationship want want to ask some of the boys and girls at there...by the way recently now got one guy like me...but i dont like him...but he keep on asking me to be his steady lei...haiz so stress...when we meet out...then he want hold my hand and kiss me...but i keep on pushing him away as i dun have that kind of feeling to him...i reject him is because now i already got someone in my mind...and he also know that i like him...but i dont think he will like me...because think he still haven forget his ex gf...so now i only want to be friends with him first...but now i also dont know how...so does anyone can tell mi what to do?


To the man that you don't like: Perhaps you are subconsciously giving him the signal, despite claiming no love for this man pestering you.

If a man takes no hint from your lack of affection, it's always better to exert actual proof of a rejection, instead of 'saying-one-thing-and-doing-another'. Simply put, why are you even meeting this guy if he's so relentless in his pursuit?

Our action speaks louder than words; each time you accepted his date, it signifies a gleams of hope. You can say a million times that you don't like him, but your actions will convey a message ten times stronger.

To the man that you like: be around him at the right moment. However, since you probably can't determine when would that be, just have your presence felt within 'vision'. With time, he will probably get over it - all you need to a good gamble to avoid being a substitute for his ex-gf.

You probably can't coerce someone to like you, but at the very least, you can take calculated risk to avoid becoming a target for a potential rebound.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 190807

Originally posted by Othello_Red:
I'm really just wondering if that's possible. Cuz I dunno if that's what's happening to me.

Basically I've been with my gf for almost 2yrs now. At the start of the r/s I threw everything in, but got hurt v badly by her. We used to quarrel almost everyday and it didn't help that I'm studying overseas. I tried to keep giving in, but it seemed then that the more I give in, the more she takes. And whenever we quarrel, she'd always want a break up and I'd have to fight very hard to win her back. After awhile, I guess I just gave up subconciously.

Problem is that, now she realised her mistakes and is trying hard to treat me better. But I just don't love her as much anymore. Worse, I feel the love slipping away. She's a nice girl, but I just can't bring myself to throw everything into the r/s again. Basically, now, I dun care as much, but she's really doing all she can to keep the r/s up and really doesn't want a break up. I'm really afraid that I might just have run out of love for her.

Guess I just wanna hear ur views on this.



Have you gamble and lost heavily before?

When that happens, chances are, your mind wouldn't think of winning, but rather, you would be trying to 'break even' from your losses by betting more or stretching yourself to the maximum 'credit limit' you can handle.

Of course, more often than not, our luck is already bad enough to begin with (which is why we are losing) and as we gamble further, we lose even more... until we are left with no choice but to cease.

But there are times when we see ourselves recuperating from our debts... strangely

***

You might reckon that you have run out of love for someone, but in reality, you have reached your break-even point. So much so that right now, your inner self is asking if you should continue your gamble because you can now opt to exit safely, since clarify has returned to you.

It's very much an innate fear; asking you to accept her whole heartedly once again with more 'investments'. This is a blatant reminder of the pain you went through previously. Most people are fine with not winning or scoring victories, for as long as they can avoid disappointments and failures.

Once you have cleared your spiritual debts (via a karmic relationship); through our higher consciousness, there's often little meaning to remain anymore and we feel the need to 'graduate' from our circumstances. Graduation doesn't necessary means departure - it could also mean shedding the old skin of your relationship by breathing a new life and renew the entire structure of your love.

Your always have the freewill to decide the outcome of your relationship. Currently, imho, to break up is as viable as to give her one last chance.

It's your call my friend.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 190807

Originally posted by blu_sky:
Thinking about changin my job.

have been going for interviews. Some job interviews are really tough, they drilled and drilled. asked really irrelevant qns and and stupid really tries to piss you off. but such cos are bigs cos, T related cos. so strange and stupid, ask wat my hobbies are. like if i enjoy drinking and getting drunk everynite, i will tell them! :lol:

went to a interview today. really great one. it was like an exchange, conversation between the interviewer and me. and i feel really great after that. i feel that i am getting the respect i deserve for my maturity and accomplishment

Would you choose a job that is:

a) well-established co, confirmed good prospects, really expanding, but make you feel like the are drillin you all the time; or

b) smaller co, but profit making and expanding too, make you feel like a human again?\

oh damn, i hate travelling for work. why all these jobs require travelling despite i am in such 'back offcie'?


Actually we often find ourselves trapped in such quagmire all the time.

We are stuck because we always try to quantify happiness and fulfilment based on numeric remuneration and eventually realised that it doesn't balance - which is why we are stuck.

Your choice will reveal, at this current stage in life, what you really seek.

A woman vying for top positions in the highly stressed corporate world will usually find themselves drained out faster than man - not because women are the ‘inferior sex', but rather because in competing, women have to turn on their 'masculine mode' and work with that dimension of energy level for a vast period - through managing, commanding or simply being aggressive in her line of work just to be goal oriented. Over a considerable amount of time, the spiritual flow within the woman will be disruptive as the 'feminine aspect' of herself becomes inane.

Do what you need to make you feel human and natural.

The ironic truth about life is that when we are young, we worked so hard for money, just to use those money to buy back our youth. Perhaps in that sense, we should always opt for the happier choice.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 190807

Originally posted by blu_sky:
Thinking about changin my job.

have been going for interviews. Some job interviews are really tough, they drilled and drilled. asked really irrelevant qns and and stupid really tries to piss you off. but such cos are bigs cos, T related cos. so strange and stupid, ask wat my hobbies are. like if i enjoy drinking and getting drunk everynite, i will tell them! :lol:

went to a interview today. really great one. it was like an exchange, conversation between the interviewer and me. and i feel really great after that. i feel that i am getting the respect i deserve for my maturity and accomplishment

Would you choose a job that is:

a) well-established co, confirmed good prospects, really expanding, but make you feel like the are drillin you all the time; or

b) smaller co, but profit making and expanding too, make you feel like a human again?\

oh damn, i hate travelling for work. why all these jobs require travelling despite i am in such 'back offcie'?


Actually we often find ourselves trapped in such quagmire all the time.

We are stuck because we always try to quantify happiness and fulfilment based on numeric remuneration and eventually realised that it doesn't balance - which is why we are stuck.

Your choice will reveal, at this current stage in life, what you really seek.

A woman vying for top positions in the highly stressed corporate world will usually find themselves drained out faster than man - not because women are the ‘inferior sex', but rather because in competing, women have to turn on their 'masculine mode' and work with that dimension of energy level for a vast period - through managing, commanding or simply being aggressive in her line of work just to be goal oriented. Over a considerable amount of time, the spiritual flow within the woman will be disruptive as the 'feminine aspect' of herself becomes inane.

Do what you need to make you feel human and natural.

The ironic truth about life is that when we are young, we worked so hard for money, just to use those money to buy back our youth. Perhaps in that sense, we should always opt for the happier choice.

Cheers

Erika Toda X Supreme

Erika Toda X Supreme!

DESTINY... EAT THIS SHIT! =D

Bape Jeans Aug 2007

Finally some power bape shit la. I think autumn/winter has better taste than the really cmi S/S season.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 090807

Originally posted by reyes:
just wana share my personal sorrows.

my work require me to do regional to support customers and looking for business opportunity.
everytime i received requirement to do overseas, i felt worried and scare that i had to broke the news to her and get nags, complain from her. imagine i had to do it 2-3times mth.

i had good relationship with my daughter. somehow i feel she is not doing enough as a mother. my daughter enjoy my companion more than with her. it is not that she is a disciplianiam but she simply bochap and chap the wrong things. whenever i am in singapore i will play with my daughter and bring her to outing, watch elmo show, barnie show, cartoons and chat with her about anything.
i handle all bills at home. i need to remember when to pay utilities bills, conservation charges, pay her credit card bills ( she pay me when she received her pay which is normally after due date). but most of myfriends is handle by their wife.

she doesnt save, spent every cents of her pay. i try to save around 20-30k a year for my old age and also plan for my children education fees.

my mom bought breakfast every weekend for her. she never bother to wake up to buy any breakfast for me or my mom.

she brought her dog but seldom walk it. now the dog become another of my good pals, which is the only one that bother to wait for me to come home after late work in office.

she only cook less than 10 times for the family in 5 yrs. And seldom offer to pay for dinning out although her pay is quite OK.

that is my version of the story i try to ask myself think on her side.
i told myself, no matter what for the sake of children i will hold this family together.
do any bros have any similar less than happy marriage.
please share if you can.


It appears to me that this difference in expectation hasn't been communicated to her like how it should have been between husband and wife. You married her for 5 years, but now you begin to lament about how dissatisfied you are with her attitude towards everything else outside you. Perhaps you might already felt this coming many years back, but you probably opt for the easier option to avoid open talks.

Now such behaviour has been rooted - tearing them out of place will promise much strife.

This is interesting because you covered a wide spectrum of issues, even some that might appear to be mundane, but certainly, these are clashes of definition of what you reckon she should or should not 'do' as three separate roles - a wife, mother and daughter-in-law. You reckon that your marriage is not as happy as you would like it to be, but if you don't work on your marriage through proper channels and instead taking the easier option to avoid, I don't see how changes can take place by configuring your relationship on auto-pilot.

You might fear that bringing those issues openly for discussion might escalate implications, but surely if you don't - you will escalate your frustration instead and will burst when you hit boiling point.

Nobody is perfect, but hope lies in crafting a seeming-perfect marriage and like dough, love is not constant - it has to be remade and remoulded all the time.

You got to work on your communication for many years to come.

Take baby steps in achieving the big picture. Albeit that might not result in your ideal goal, but you have to look forward and strive to improve your relationship.

You don't have to resign to a 'less-than-happy-marriage' - you certainly have a choice.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 090807

Originally posted by pinkroses:
Hi. I am a girl studying in a junior college. Recently, i feel very stressed up and i tend to get agitated easily. It started with this. Me and my three other friends went to the same junior college and we go to school together sometimes in the morning if they are not late, we will meet each other. We seldom talk nowadays and i realise i have nothing to talk to them. I start to think that i am a boring person.

One of them is in the same class as me. Recently, she stopped talking to me in school. I felt hurt, didn't know what was wrong even i asked her many times. Then, one of this friend told me her emotions backfired. I could not understand what was that and i just cried in school. Then, she told me she needs space but she continues to talk to others, just not me.

Nowadays, i only talk to friends whom i started to know in jc. We have a common interest in gaming but all we talk about is that, and it gets boring and we will be quiet once it stops.

Promos are coming but i just cannot focus with the numberous problems on my mind. They tell me to leave her alone but i just can't do it. I have many failed friendships in secondary school. One ended because i was too possessive. I tried to overcome it but i just couldn't. And my friend who does not talk to me in school keeps telling me she like this other friend in our clique whom i think she is getting very close to. I feel jealous and hurt and hatred somehow seem to build up. I don't know what to do. Everyone's giving different comments and i just get upset easily.

Please enlighten me on what i should do.


In this lifetime, if we can name 5 true friends, I think that's already very good.

Some people can't even name one.

Our journey in life is to seek out those true friends.

Most of the people we encounter do not belong to this category; they are more likely to be transitory in nature, appearing like glorious sunrise and vanished as quickly like sunset.

Your source of suffering isn't due to the natural shift of cycle in human relationship, but lies in your perception of possession. Your need to cling and hold onto status quo generated much unhappiness from within because you are unable to embrace the fact that nothing in life is absolute and the only constant thing in life is changes itself.

It's only human to feel depress when our friendship with someone, whom we deemed important, degenerates. But on the other hand, it probably means that they might not be the people who will walk through your life as true friends at the end of the road.

You can't coerce someone to be your true friend if this person simply isn't.

Why force a wrong key into the keyhole? The key will just crack inside as you turn it.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 040807 (Continued from AA 040807)

Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:

We are ard 30 yrs old. Been married over a year liao. No serious conflicts before marriage. Both of us love each other, and wanted to start a family together. Simple lifestyle, no grand luxury stuff. I capricorn, she a gemini/cancer hybrid. She had been hurt by a previous r/s b4.


In that sense, divorce will likely to happen if your marriage persists in this way of management. There's only so much a person can endure before all hell break loose eventually. What you are doing now is merely to concede to her instability, but you are not anywhere near resolving it.

Looking at your plight, I doubt she is even emotionally-mature enough for marriage in the first place, as this readiness can only be certified by having evolved/transformed personalities, influenced solely by the power of love. Period. Anything else will usually result in massive quake of various degrees, when put together under one roof because marriage is the ultimate test in love.

One reality of marriage is that albeit most people will claim that love is the reason for their union, however, upon close examination, their love is hardly pristine. This 'love' they claimed to share, is often grossly mispresentated by emotional afflictions, circumstances or simply pressure from our biological clock.

I don't know if you ever realise this: but the sort of 'hurt' that she has gone through do not necessarily means full blame on her ex-boyfriend/s. In fact, it's probably her definition of love that she has brandished, akin to swinging a two-bladed axe, injuring herself as she slash at her ex-love when her inherent possessive nature dominates her emotions like a deranged warrior.

This is a vicious cycle, as her man will escape in face of such suffocation. When that happens, she will apt to exercise greater control because she will attribute her failure in love due to external factors, not because of her unevolved self.

I find it hard to believe that marriage without trust begins with love - I can tell you from my experience, it so much closer to that of fungi living on tree than the tree itself - fuelled primarily by the fear of isolation and loneliness.

Although I wouldn't recommend, but as a start, it might be beneficial if you can speak to her best/good friend/s and get them to talk to her. A marriage counsellor will still be a better option imho because I doubt you know how help yourself to avoid this impending doom and if somebody can open her soul and attempt to repair them, it might save your marriage from certain death.

If you want to see changes, the changes must happen from within - giving in is merely a short term measure that do not solve long term implications.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 040807

Originally posted by Frustrated_guy:
Any married guy can help? My wife always threaten divorce whenever we quarrel. Both of us are bad-tempered, and a small tiff can escalate into a big fight. But I love her and separation is never on my mind. It is not the same case with her. She admitted that she didn't mean it as she only said it in the moment of anger to purposely irritate me! But now, the idea of divorce is slowly getting into my head.

In terms of temper, both of us have different momentum. She can explode, even into streaks of violence, but is quick to forgive and forget. I am calm, argue rationally, but difficult to forget fights. Perhaps it's me, but I've noticed that I have not gone on a full week without her finding fault and starting an argument with me.

Latest saga now is: -
I complain mildly that she controls over me too strictly, and asks too many questions.
She denies it.
I quote a few examples and she flares up.
She said if I have reported everything, then she wouldn't need to ask.
I told her if she were more supportive, then I would have shared everything with her.
She threaten divorce after exploding...again.
Feeling I may be too frank, I apologise.
She never calm down.

Now we are still not talking. I can see she's angry 'cause she slam the door and threw stuff violently around.

How? Help? :(


No matter how many 'phrases' you might have skipped to get yourself married, eventually, to maintain a happy-and-somewhat-fulfilling relationship, it still boils down to the very basis and this is something you can't escape if you wish to saunter this marriage till death do you guys apart.

Apart from having short-circuit tempers that savagely gash open wounds in your relationship time and again - in fact, I reckoned that there are quite a number of unresolved 'negative issues' brought into the airspace of your marriage and now you two are suffering the consequence of such causes because it's so blatant that when you put two unevolved soul as marriage partners, the intensity is insane.

The tongue is critical and quick to wound, yet not equipped with the wisdom or maturity to communicate wisely. Trust is greatly amiss, demonstrating the need for command and control as her innate alarm triggers and in response, it overwhelmed her emotions with hallucinatory thoughts and insecurity. Threatening divorce is the first sign of a crumbling marriage - this is the same methodology employed by people who threaten breaking up, suicide or any drastic measure to 'overpower' another party to submission. Over the time, you will gain immunity to such 'threats' and the relationship will probably collapse when you decide you had enough of such nonsense.

It is such a painful way to lead any form of relationship.

Your marriage is clearly in a dire state. I suggest since you two can't handle it among yourselves, it might be beneficial to have engages a mediator/marriage counsellor - that's if she is still willing to work things out with you.

I would like to understand some background:

How old are the both of you? How long have you been dating before marriage? How long have you been married? Were the conflicts this bad before marriage? In your opinion, what's the reason for getting married? What sort of lifestyle you two are leading? What are both your astrological signs? Any crisis took place in BGR previously?

Cheers

Aunt Agony 310707

Originally posted by casshern:
the girl studies in a Uni with double degree scholarship.
the guy is a humble civil servant with only A levels.

it was a very happy relationship, closing in to 5 years.

one day,
she says that both parties come from very different worlds.
she says there's no future for them.
she says they no longer share anything in common.
she says she's losing the passion.
she says she's tired of trying.
she says she feel the heartache whenever she think about their future.


You might think that the chasm in education is the de facto reason contributing to the degeneration of this relationship - eventually you might just realized that any reasons would take on similar conclusion, for as long as the person desire to leave.

Any reason will do.

Your 'happy relationship' is probably one-sided - it might be sparking joy for you to just being around with someone you love, but certainly, it isn't very much the same for her.

It isn't enough and that insufficiency topples the balance.

She might be contented previously, but with desire comes disappointment. I recalled talking to someone who felt afraid of her 'new self' - albeit she began to enjoy financial independence and powers; she realized that her expectation of her mate also grew proportionately.

She felt she is no longer the same as before, being conformed and shaped by societal norms. Perhaps the rudimentary womanly instinct of 'survival' triggers - as the need to 'select' the best possible mate to 'ensure the best possible condition to breed the next generation'.

In introspection, when we try to uncover the common factor/s attributed to the construction of our relationship; when all is crystal-clear in naked eyes of wisdom, we might just realize that time could just be that one solo component, breathing life into an otherwise impossible relationship just because all other elements are conducive enough to elicit a relationship.

What I am trying to say here is that all relationships are created by gift of time, circumstances and situation (whether or not it is karmic). And with the change in time, circumstances and situation - when all components in this equation changes, things might not be the same anymore, even though both of you still looked the same, leading the same relationship.

True love is when your core doesn’t waver, despite all that beguiling distraction that invoke outwardly from all changes in life.

Your woman swayed and got affected by this notion, as this effect plants seed of doubts in your relationship, questioning its original identity and reason of existence. Perhaps that might just be the source of fatigue she is trying to endure - the ubiquitous expectation of what should be a 'perfect/standard relationship'.

Why question it only now? Or is it because what doesn't seem to matter in the past matters right now?

Is it really education? (Or the other side of the story we haven't heard)

Or has Love weakened? (Or the other side of the story we haven't heard)

Sit together and talk it out - you might still be able to do something if this frustration stem from your apathy and passiveness in love and life. But if she has decided that the fire has burned itself out, with the final chance to 'amend anything' forfeited, then you probably need divine intervention.

P.S: All is equal in eyes of love. However, when this paradigm shifts drastically, one usually only obtain companionship, not soul mates. So what if it's five years? The length of relationship often speaks nothing of the love that's truly within.

You might not have to reconsider this relationship - but surely, you must preview your definition of love and see if it's parallel to hers.

Love is about looking at one common direction... not just at each other.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 290707

Originally posted by jojobeach:


Actually, my mom is worried if I lose my virginity , no man would want me.
But, they told my brother to go ahead and screw as many girls as he can.

Do you really believe virginity is sacred meh ?
I still see so many men divorce their wife who were virgins.
So virgin or not , it doesn't mean anything after all what ?




It's a concept.

Even if you must divorce, it must be a 'first-hand'.

Somewhat like buying shoes/heels for ladies. I know of people who refuse to purchase display version just because many people have 'tried' it. Of course even if they are going to abandon it for the next S/S season, it still must be a 'first hand'.

Why?

Because they are the ones having it - the concept of possession.

Cheers



Originally posted by jojobeach:

So men who practice this sacred virgin concept, sees women as mere objects.


No man will readily say that they see woman as mere objects - but when intense feelings are aroused around such notion, their disappointment and misery derive from their subconscious belief of possession, not as in literal meaning, but as in this is their woman and she belongs to him. This itself is the concept of possession for their woman must come 'untainted' and will view her as 'lesser' when she arrive in ' less-than-satisfied' condition.

Why would anyone, when bathed in true essence of love, judge their partner based on the concept of sacred virgin when they should be focusing on the woman herself and what she really is? Of course, when people greatly mind over something so insignificant, his love is reduce to that level of 'possession' - probably no difference between him and ladies shopping for heels.

Perhaps in that sense, it might just be possession - not love.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 280707

Originally posted by Normal^Guy:
okok..the story starts like this..there's these two girl, we name it A and B..we have been in the same class for almost 2 years le..and A and B are very very good friends almost like real sis bah..

So during the 1st yr, i admitted tt i do have feelings for A, by the way the 3 of us is really very very good friends..and i guess tt almost my whole course are toking abt Mi and A..SO it's like whenever u see an orange u will tot of where is apple..It's like we are a pair in others ppl eyes le..But the fact is We are nv together before..

So after tt ard 1 year plus le, i was been sent to overseas for some assig..and i also try to make full use of this chance to try to forget A..and the feeling for A is really fading away after tt overseas assig..

So after a period of time..B comes into the pic..one day she admitted tt she have feelings for mi..and frankly speaking i do have feelings for her too..and things starts to goes well..and everything goes well..

But she has rejected mi once and i ask her the reason behide it, and she told mi is bcoz she do not know how to face most of the friends bcoz of the rumours "abt mi and A"..but after which i still can't forget abt B..and we meet out to tok abt this topic and i declare my feelings to her and we are offically together now..

But i dun really know how to break the news to our friends..coz it might be too unacceptable for them..So should mi and B con't our r/s ?? Coz to mi if we con't to be together, i am really afraid tt A and B will turn out not to be as good as last time bcoz of mi..and i really dun wan this to happen..Or in short, B might lost a good friend(A) bcoz of mi..and now i am stuck in this suitation..Help..

Further more is tt A and B will further their study together for another 3 years more..But i really really want to con't this jus-started-r/s with her..How?????Wat should i do?? thx for the time for reading and sorry for my long story..


Sometimes I really wonder if all these deliberate stalling stemmed from being nonchalant or really calculated moves made by people. And also, I wonder why is there a need for such histrionic attempt to build a plot around a possibility?

FI has kinda sum up everything in her own words; why are you even worrying over a problem that has not yet materialise? It's good to keep that in view, but not to the extend of fretting over it as if you are truly facing that crisis now.

I think the most injustice you could ever do to your relationship is to lie low as if it's criminally abominable to engage in your chosen love - it goes to any relationship that cannot keep it's presence glorious. In fact, when you do something like these, you are effectively conveying to people that there's something terribly unglamorous or even fishy, and this aura might actually be the reason that A turns away from you two. Previously, you three were good friends and now that you and B becomes an item, you close up your world and 'keep secrets' among yourselves?

Now tell me, who's really pushing people away?

Do you seriously think that you could keep this from her forever by doing what you are doing now? That's utter naive.

Why bother so much about people's comment? I can tell you that most of the time, it's probably just part of a typical conversation. Probably you are the one adding more meat to this 'bone'.

Why live your love according to people's expectation?

If there's something you need to learn out from this: learn to be true to yourself. That will save you the misery of pretence.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 220707

Originally posted by haywir:
Hi.. Will appreciate forumers' comments.. I am 25 yrs, attach with my girlfriend for 2 yrs.. Recently, i got involve with a 20yrs lady.. She is a student.. Lets call her AA.. The lust and excitement got AA and me involve in a relationship.. We meet, hv sex, chat, etc.. She is very open-minded to our "relationship".. Both of us accepted the non-committment aspect of our "relationship".. However, I am the one who is terribly troubled now.. I have gradually become emotionally attach to her.. I do not feel good abt her mentioning her guy frds, the dates she had, etc.. Remember, it was me who does not want emotional attachment in the very beginning, and I am the one falling into it now.. AA is handling our relatinoship much better than me.. I know I will never have the heart to break off with my gf for AA.. Yet, this "feelings of the heart" with AA is making me haywire.. Guess it is indeed true with the advice of, "never get involve with having a mistress".. I thanks you in advance for any serious comments and advices...


The sad plight you have landed yourself into is probably because there's an aperture in your relationship. Perhaps you reckon your relationship is unfulfilling or that your relationship is too calm for its own good and subconsciously, you 'summon' waves to jazz up your love life.

You may think that sounded illogical, but people does that sort of things all the time.

It's because our experience in love is never stagnant. In fact, we face challenges every moment of our life.

You may think that this woman represents non-committed/somewhat free sexual relationship (AOS will likely attribute her as a Siren), but the truth is that her presence presents a cosmic test, which you failed utterly - judged by the strength of your love towards your girlfriend and the relationship. The flesh may be weak, but surely the flesh is the lowest level of all our higher senses. If the mind, heart and soul can be easily dominated by our animalistic instinct (Mars), which is the lowest level in our human consciousness 'chain of command', then the path you walk will surely lead to misery and sorrow.

To understand the driving force behind your decision to betray your girlfriend, you got to first understand whether was it a push or a pull factor. The former represents a fissure in the relationship, while employing an avoidance-defensive mechanism in respond to this crack and the latter represents flaccid self principles devoid of wisdom.

Eventually, you may just decide that your 'mistress' is the woman you are seeking all these while. But as you reach for her heart and find nothing but illusions, it may just dawn on you that you are just become a pawn of own karmic debts.

I pity your woman, not because you are a man who went astray, but rather, you betrayed her in both levels - physically and emotionally. A woman might be able to source some remote reason/s to salvage a relationship if a man loses one aspect among the two, but certainly not both - because it makes no meaning to retain a man who desire to flee and a man like you supply her no reason to stay.

Perhaps you might want to rethink your situation; albeit holding onto your girlfriend may be the best of both world for you, but such selfish grasp onto her may end up tearing your guilt wounds wider.

I can safety say that chances are, you won't be able to convert that Siren to settle for you exclusively. Your contract with her never had that clause and you are probably just like the many other guys she had sexual fling with. Therefore, what makes you think that just because she got into bed with you, it implies that you have power over her?

P.S: Man are often lost when the tables are turned against them, as they become the prey, completely subdued a woman with voracious sexual appetite.

Cheers

Lunch @ Waraku

Cancer's Birthday @ Waraku. Woohoo!

Aunt Agony III 210707 (Continued from AA II 210707)

Originally posted by galfriend:

Yes, he knows about my stress and frustration at work and of cos the long hours too. but i rarely 'whine' about them, ie i rarely repeat my stories or my problems. i told him cos i think there is a need to communicate, to let him understand me as a whole, but i try not to let it affect our relationship, by not whining about them.

it came as a wonder, that he seems to be like so unaware of that, and kind of surprised him when i told him off that night. he keep repeatly asking me, 'is work your problem'. and i keep repeating yes. then he asked, 'is work your only problem', and i keep repeating yes.

or maybe is it me? that i rarely complain and whine, hence he underestimated the amount of stress i am facing? but i really do not believe in persistent complaining and whining, for it kills most relationship.

btw, he is a capricorn



This is what you get when you put two complete strangers together in something we call relationship, with love as the element to keep you two in unison: differences.

And in the end, it's about discovering more of yourself, as much as your other half.

You must understand that your belief is exclusive only to you, vice versa. To change a belief/personality/character might be just a little difficult, thus the easier option is always to compromise on something that is workable in your relationship to keep it functioning.

It's not so much about the work, the stress or everything else that got implicated into your relationship - it's about knowing that despite the individual differences, how is it that you are going to live harmoniously with him while understanding that you two are but separate being.

Find a good time and communicate to him about your thoughts (not problems) about this issue and allow him the chance to share with you his. Perception are bound to clash, but at least when you keep this open as a known problem, you pave a opening for possible solution/compromising when the occasion calls for it.

Sweeping it under the carpet will only bring about deeper frustration and proliferates internal resentment.

Cheers

Dinner @ Jack's Place

Almost ended up in their Marketing Dept. Haha...

Aunt Agony II 210707

Originally posted by galfriend:
my boyfriend always tell me about other people's problems, especially after a good night out.

manyatimes, we are out to chill out after a hard and stressful days from work. and towards the end of the night, and we are both happy, finally forgotten about all the worries and stress about work and many others, he tells me his worries about others, like his friends who quarrelled and etc.

tonight he tells me again. been having very stressful and political working environment for months. after a hard day of work, we went to chill out. had fun and was happy. on the way home, he tells me about his sister's problems. i was so sian. after hearing, i told him, how much can you worry? before anyone breakdown, you'll be the first to breakdown, or maybe me. cos he has his own problems to worries and others' problems. cos i have to worry about my own problems, his problems, now i m burdened by his worries of others problems. i wasnt happy. and he said, maybe i shouldnt tell you so much.

i m so vexed, cos i really wake up to all reality, all the stress of life and work, after much effort (ie one whole nite's effort to relax). what should i do?


Some people just highly subjected to 'environment feelings' - they are easily disturbed by the aura people exude from their feelings and it clings and lingers onto them easily (especially so if he's a Pisces - next comes Cancer and Scorpio).

This is a clash of emotional management, rudely brought forth into the private space of your relationship.

The theory of equilibrium will tell you that if you are subjected to negativity and if your influence do not seek to overcome the source of negativity, you 'lower' yourself to be on 'par' to this very source, in which I reckon that your man neither has the life force nor positive condition to take on such choking influences from people around him.

It's only natural for wanting a quiet space when you spend some quality time with your boyfriend. Your work is probably drudgery and toilsome - with all that deadlines, distraction, noise, unhappiness, anger, frustrations and all sort of unpleasant moods and situation shrouding you like some malicious spirit, attempting to break your spirit.

Does he knows about your frustrations at work? Or do you choose to avoid sharing as you prefer to keep your time together as musically sweet as possible?

From his POV he's likely to think along this line:

'I want to share with my girlfriend some issues in life, but she seemed to be irritated with the notion of me sharing with her. Yes, it's true, these are people's problem, but I am somewhat implicated because these are my love ones too. Sigh. Perhaps, next time, I should just keep everything to myself.'

And of course, you are only but a human - you can only take so much stress before you collapse emotionally.

These realities are realities of a love relationship in an urban city; stress comes in several form of dimensions and they will seek for the 'line of least resistance' - hoping to crash at the spot where your vulnerability lies and crumble your love through external means.

But does that mean that this is a sure fail? Not necessary.

Since you two are unable to control individual constrains in life, communicate and decide the best way you could compromise and work out something that you could keep the life of your relationship flowing. (If you two share the same religion together, both of you could seek for solace in your faith through prayers. Or speak with your religious leaders if possible).

You see, what happens is that both of you are facing challenges in life; it's just that each of you were hoping that your other half could provide you the avenue to alleviate this frustration from your state of life and the condition it brings. Therefore, how would it be possible for anyone of you to afford the emotional luxury to tender those sensitive needs when in your perception, both your visions have been blotted out by all these immerse problems, acting as a barrier to enjoy your relationship?

Sometimes when we are so overwhelmed by all these distractions in life - we tend to lose focus and forget that the basis laws to happiness in love is not about the tangibles - it's about being in our real self and communicating likewise in this form. The next time when he starts this again, cuts him off with a momentary kiss. Or put a finger to his lips and embrace him.

There are always no definite answers to problems and frustrations in life; but surely, there's strength in support.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 210707

Originally posted by babyreyes:
I havent posted anything in this thread for a long time... Anyway..i just need a space to talk to...

Ive a dear friend who has problems...but all i can do is just watch n keep my mouth shut...

Candy has a bf of 3 yrs .. theres many things tat candy doesnt approve about her bf.. many times promises were broken by him whoe once swore to correct his behaviours... However, as time goes by, candy bend herself a little to accepet who he is but still things wont really solved...

over this 3 yrs..they had numerous arguements over his same old habit... several times she burst out crying and stuff like tat.....of ccourse, back then (thats like roughly 1 yr back) i did suggest her to end her pain..but she didnt want..and the whole matter blew up even worse...Her bf knows i dont have a gd impression of him..and i guess he must have spoken ill of me as well...she had since stopped talking about their problems to me...

and all along i thought they were doing great n tat he was improving himself...little did i know tat his same old habit did not turn to the better but worse and candy suffered more...

tell me tell me... i seriously dont understand her actions... why stick with someone whom u feel tat isnt a suitable life partner? why continue holding on when u feel tat the ending is near???

I really reallly haiz..... u know as a friends..seeing her like tat really break my heart?

Ok i did try to talk to her.. but ever since tat incident where by the matter blew up..she doesnt speak much abt it until some time back when candy cant take it anymore about his bf..

i tried to find reasons for her actions... somehow felt she fear loneliness and nd someone.. tats my own view.. whenever i try to get more information on why she holding on and stuff like that..she diverts from the qtns and always change topics.. Perhaps she isnt comfortable talking to me about their problems again..or she knows wat im going to say..or she just dont wat to hear wat others want to say.. i dont know.. haiz.

i reallay dont know wat i can do…


That's her own life to steer and her own struggle to overcome - everything derive from the choice she has made. It seemed illogical to you because you do not live in her skin and you do not incur that sort of karmic debts like what she has with her man.

Physically we are all made differently - what's more when you compare our psychological, emotional and spiritual state?

As a friend, there's only so much you can do. Seriously, sometimes, it's not about the need to say something enlightening; it's just to play a prudent role of being a 'safety net' to catch when your friend falls off the cliff from sheer fatigue.

You can't substitute her in this game of love - she must grow from her own challenges.

Cheers