Aunt Agony II 160707

Originally posted by huy:
It been a long time since i fall in love with someone.. ever since my past relationshiip which ended 2 years ago and it takes me quite a while to overcome it, i tell myself nv nv to fall in love with someone again... until when i met him...

he is a colleage in my company.. i jus join this company a few months back.. initially when i first knew him, i don really have that kind of feelings towards him.. to me, he is jus an average looking man and defintely not the type that i was looking for.. but as the days goes by, i realised that he is really diff from other guys. though he isn;t gd looking, but he carry himself well. he is very confident and he is intelligent, mature... not only that, whenever anyone encounter any problems at work, he is all there to help the person..

recently, i hang around with him a lot during office hours.. we can spend hours chatting, giggling.. it really enjoyable toking with him and thru all this chatting, i learn a lot from him also.. slowly, i began to realised that i kind of fall in love with him.. i don noe when it started but it seems that i have been tiking bout him everyday.. my heart jus beat very fast whenever i am with him.. initially i tok that was jus an infauation and i even slapped myself hard forcing myself not to like him but it not going to help.. my feelings towards him jus go deeper and deeper..

he is someone that i shouldn;t have fall in love with... regardless of background, qualifications, lifestyle, he is far way better than me. i am jus a nobody seriously.. he don have a gf now and he don noe that i like him also.. i jus kip all my feelings inside and pretend nothing happen. cos i knew that our friendship will defintely break if i confess to him..

seriously i felt so ashamed and guilty that i actually like him.. how can i fal in love with someone that i shouldn;t have... i felt like i am a toad falling in love with a swan.. i felt so cheapo of myself.. i tried to avoid him but then it hard.. cos i don wan to lose him as a fre also..

i really donnoe what to do.. now my whole mind is with him now.. i felt really tired.. it really terrible to kip my feelings inside..



Without trying, you kept tell yourself it's a road to failure and loving someone you shouldn't have - obviously failure is your only option.

Success and happiness doesn't come easy - in fact, most of the time, you probably have to die fighting or surmount arduous challenges before you could transform any dreams into reality.

From the way I see this, the only complication probably derive from that fact that it's an office relationship. Other than that, your other extraneous worries are basically self inflicted and mundane. All these 'he/she-is-too-good' for me perception is basically a product of inferior self esteem, largely illusionary.

What's good? What's bad?

It's all relative my dear.

Why are you even considering all these factors when in fact in the first place, you can't even find the courage to love him proper? And that being the MOST important factor?

Of course, you won't know if he has feelings for you, but surely, it's a possibility that something could happen. Why eliminate yourself completely even without a struggle? You have already moved on from your previous relationship, so what's holding you back?

You mean you are only 'entitled' partners with low qualification? Problematic family situation? Penurious background?

Without those, you can't date man?

Since you are equally troubled by avoiding and suppression of your emotions, why not try to face them? At least from there, you might actually find an answer to resolve your plight. After all, once you have been pricked by Cupid's arrow, there's little you can do, other than to give in to your heart's yearning.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 160707

Originally posted by radioactivelk:
Really hope tat i could get into a accident tat would make me forget everythk.
so heartbroken althou i told every1 i am ok..

hu hav the same feeling?


If you ever lose your memory in love, you will begin to learn how to love from day one again.

And chances are, with the same mindset, personality and attitude - you will fail the same way as you failed this time round because you have threw away what you gained previously, only to deny your graduation in love.

You reject lessons - you learn reiterated lessons.

Everybody will suffer various degrees of 'cuts' in love - nobody is spared from individual cosmic lessons. However, it's only through our injuries, we uncover more about ourselves and grow from falling. A bad outcome in love doesn't mean that we are losers in that aspect, but rather, we should all hope and work to win in the future... that's all that matters.

P.S: A war is won not by perfect score of wins, but by the battles that actual count. As long as we win the war, it doesn't matter how many small scale battles we have lost.

Cheers

Narcissistic - Corp Mtkg

Narcissistic

Aunt Agony 140707

Originally posted by bearie000:
Been dating this guy for a few months.however,when i turned down his request for intimacy, he didnt want to talk to me anymore.I thought he sincerely liked me all these months but now he is ignoring me.......

why? even if he is in for intimacy in a r/s ..doesnt have any feelings for me?
i mean even if you dont love a person, you still have fond memories of the person and want to keep in touch..

why is he so heartless?cut off with me after i refused to be intimate with him. :( doesnt have feelings for people ?or is it im too duo qin....and devoted..when he just took me for a ride.

this is not once..but twice...the guy i dated previously is also like that

i must be a unlovable person..thats why i cant make people develop feelings for me

i mean if u see a person for few times, after that, you will also miss the person even if you dont love the person...but he doesnt seem to miss me or care a damn abt me!

i cant believe a human being can be so callous....for me, even if i have a normal friend from the opposite sex, i still keep in touch,afterall,he has bee my friends for so long and i still care and think of him from time to time...



This is an exchange of needs - he wants intimacy and you want companionship.

You deny one aspect of this trade, the deal cannot run.

Be glad that you have seen his colours even before he transpire; why bother to have the affection of someone whom never meant to be true to you and himself in the first place?

I hope you have the sense to find someone who is both genuine inside and out, not some clown donning jester's mask. Why bother to have the latter's love and affection, where your suffering will likely to intensify when you learn of his facade later on in a relationship?

Our love life is governed by the sort of mindset we implement in our life: People with twisted mindset about love always have screwed relationship - that equation hardly changes. We attract the quality we exude, therefore attracting the wrong kind of mate is often a quality found in ourselves upon close examination.

Such gloomy automatic thoughts have no absolute benefit to your love life; in fact, if you began to believe in your own propaganda, you will always meet man like these. Unconsciously, your poor outlook in love might just be the cause of your so called 'destiny/fate' in love.

Many people failed miserably in love because they failed to understand that self love must come before love. These people attempt to supersede the love they received from others to mollify their emotional deformity and hatred for themselves. They somewhat reckon that the source of happiness can only be bestowed from the others' approval, love and recognition.

But as much as we love to be loved, if the core belief of our love is aberrated, whatever love that was granted to us merely acts as a screen to avoid facing our psychological and emotional imbalance, resulted from the lack of self love.

And the moment when our love fleets, the mayhem triggers instantaneously - we slipped into hysterical mode when we realised that we have to face our ghastly unloving side once again, which has always been blotted out momentarily by the superficial nature of our relationship.

One can only hope to win in love if they have the wisdom to win themselves.

Cheers

Boat Quay

The vision that came from four hours of idling at Boat Quay.

Levitating Apples

Levitating Apples! =D

Aunt Agony III 100707

Originally posted by what am I to do?:
I'm in my mid-20's. I used to treat relationships lightly when i was younger. I know I was not responsible then but I could only blame it on my youth. But why now? Why when I am ready to settle down, I could not seems to find someone to share my life with? No matter how I try, I could not get into a relationship though I am very serious about it. Is it really fate playing a fool on me or what? I ask for nothing except a simple life with a family of my own.

Because of this I am very frustrated with life. Even more so when I see so many people enjoying life with their loved ones. Places to go during the weekends. Holidays and countries to visit. Why or what have I done that I cannot be like them? Why can't I simply meet someone?

Why are girls just entertaining me just because I am friendly to them? Everyone says I'm a great guy but I'm still alone? I'm responsible, trustworthy. I don't smoke nor visit pubs nor club. Why did the one I finally choose to love only treat me as a good friend? What's wrong with girls these days? Or are they simply too young to be serious?

God!Why is it so hard? Feeling fucking frustrated yet there's nothing I can do. Please don't give advices like concentrate on career, or know more friends because all that is taken care of. I want to know why fate is so hard up on me? What the hell have I done to deserve this? I'm losing myself if this goes on.

I sent her a long email yet not even a reply. Always giving me hurting comments. ARGH!!!!!!!!! How I wish I can become a robot. Really no motivation to move on anymore.


Think not you can direct the course of love, for if love finds you worthy, direct your course.

Surely love is not merely a push button where you can demand its existence when you tell Love you are ready for it and abuse it when you are not?

Certain opportunities in the past are lost forever, while certain opportunities presently are never meant to be opportunities in the first place. How can we coerce Love to embrace us willingly when the fit is mismatched?

What do you think is the root of your frustration? Being rejected? Or simply because the 'tables are now turned' against you?

Why must you dismiss the option of enlarging your social circle simply because you are rejected by someone? Why must you deny yourself of learning and possibly of a 'better-fit' by knowing more people?

Perhaps if you learn patience and humility, it might be easier on your soul, simultaneously, evolved yourself.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 100707

Originally posted by The_Legend_Killer:

I will be meeting my ex again. But I don't know how to face her? How?

It was the greatest relationship I had.

And i guess the timing wasn't right. We started young. If she could allow me to grow and be more patient towards this relationship, and not to give up. This relationship will last. But then, she just choose to throw in the towel.



It's probably only the greatest relationship to you... exclusively.

I hate to shatter this idealism, but as you are here ranting about your stagnation and even reminiscing about the golden age of your love life, seriously on the other side of Singapore, your ex would be out there making merry, loving the man she chose and moving on in life gratefully without your presence.

It's really interesting to note when people can related so much feelings about their ex-love, when in fact, these people don't really give a damn anymore. It's like acting and directing your own epic movie, where you are the only audience in the theatre, laughing and weeping at your own script.

Nobody can instigate you to move on if that isn't part of your own free will to do so.

P.S: Time is always never right to do right - but you can always decide your own route in life and how you want to steer it.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 100707

Originally posted by bkbatboy:
I'm ''together' with a gal who is 6 yrs older than me...we always have dates together from going to east coast to have dinner to juz having a nice chat at her void deck.before i knew her I already know she's the clubbin type and she told me that she had flings.she also told me that she would sometime hug n kiss her flings.i dun mind her having flings cos she say to her flings are juz close guy frens but sometime it stings when the thought of her hugging her flings come to mind. she told me she likes me n stuff and we are together in all sense except in name cos she have some private stuff she have to settle(which i shall not mention here due to privacy) before getting together with me.

Though i dun think she got alot time to meet her flings =x cos i meet her most of the time haha!

Hmmm..so am i stupid or?she's not tat pretty anyway.I also not handsome anyway..tell me your views..pls no flaming =)



I don't think it's about jealousy, much more than feeling terribly insecure. In fact, her behaviour is likely to escalate your insecurity if you ever consider this as a serious relationship.

Before you are even official, she already explained the 'clauses/fine prints' of what's like being in a relationship with her. Often, people say that sort of things to 'indemnify' themselves of future charges (This is the theory of indemnity in CloUdiSm).

My take is that if you cannot or see yourself sustaining such emotional pressure, probably with increasing intensity, it might not be advisable to see this beyond mere flings; especially if you are the sort of typical guy, with conventional thoughts and abhorred mind games.

Currently, you are just hoping that you might change her to suit to your will.

But this is only a remote possibility.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 080707

Originally posted by baby_oreo:
i'm in a class of only 4 girls.
so most of them are guys.
i realise guys like to talk the 1 or 2 more good looking girls in class. cause in this class girls are sort of rare.
and i'm the only fat and ugly one. :(
i can sense this "difference in treatment".
some of the guys talk more to the girl more in class, msn, sms, or leave more greeting msgs in friendster de..
den everytime that girl wil sort of tell me what she and the guys talked about, what card game they play and such. sort of feel left out lah.
i mean, i'm not trying to know more guys, i'm just thinking classmates make friends still need to see looks de meh? sad.
sometimes i dont really want to talk to the guys in class cause i will feel they act act reply to my questions but in the heart say that "you ugly freak, dont talk to me."
and somemore i am a super dont know how to socialise de ppl. i wont know what topic we can talk about, so that makes me a boring person i think.

anyone got same experience de?
LOL. very sad thing indeed lah.


You are pretty much sealed to your fate, thinking that if you are fat and ugly, you will live a destiny meant for those who are fat and ugly.

Nothing in life is permanent - the only absolute thing in life is changes itself.

If you have resigned to fate, you will forever position in that brand until you do something drastic to alter it.

As simple as that.

There are two kinds of people in this world - one with innate talent and the other that works hard for it.

And beauty is a learnable skill.

I said that it's a skill because you can work to become pretty yourself. You can acquire beauty through intensive hard work.

The problem is how much desire you have in wanting to change? How much effort are you willing to put? How much sacrifice are you willing to go through?

There are two reasons why woman fail to achieve this goal. One is that they are lazy; the other is that they lack the essential knowledge to effectively transform themselves.

So which do you belong to?

From there, you will know what to do with yourself.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 070707

Originally posted by d0ug:
thanks for reading or clicking on this thread in advance =))

this story is about me and this girl..

that night, i asked her if she could call me and talk on the phone for the first time. she replied, 'must i call?'. i was rather disappointed. and said, 'it's your wish'. moments later, i received her call. and my life started to change.

i was having a meaningless life 'flirting' with girls before we started talking on the phone. i thought my life couldn't be any better, with almost every night on the phone, with different girls. then it was her, who changed me unknowingly.

below is the story..

i found this girl, by the name, B. she was hurt when i first met her..she wasn't able to forget the guy she liked for 4 years..though they were never together..and after listening to bits and pieces of her story, i decided to be there for her, until she is happy again. minor changes start to happen, without noticing, she became the girl i talk to almost every night, and replaced all my other acquaintances.

things got closer between us, she couldn't sleep without my smses at 2am each day, she felt something missing without my call every night, and was able to give up her time talking to other friends of her's. i didn't tell her this before, but i was touched, and fell in love with her.

few months later, after our poly life started, during the first week, we sms each other like crazy everyday. i remember just 1 bus trip to my school, we could msg up till 20times each. yes i had in mind the cost of the bill, but it was a happy moment for both of us. soon, we met each other up after school.

the magical week, i asked to meet her at xx shopping centre after school. she told me she was gonna pick up something from there for her sis, and i offered to accompany her. i didn't tell her this too, many times, that night, and the 2 following nights we met, i wanted to hold her hand. but i know i'm not allowed to. i asked her out again on the same week, friday. this time we went vivo, met up my brother and his gf. many people went between us when walking, how i wished i could hold her hand and walk together. she never knew..

i know i left her a good moment that night. and she asked me out the following week, offering to treat me dinner for my birthday. i was afraid at first, cause no girls asked me out before. i had no idea how to react, and gave her a feeling that i don't wanna go, but it's not true, i just don't know how to face her. she asked me if i was free on monday, and said she wanted to treat me dinner. i was wondering if i should go, and she told me something, that i will never forget in my life. 'if you're not free on monday, we shall go on tuesday. if you're still not free, i'll wait for you to be free.". something like this..the words are rephrase cause i couldn't remember word by word. so, we met. nothing much did happen that night at vivo. but soon after, i met her on the same week and we went vivo again. but this time, we spent most of the time at the balcony facing sentosa. i decided to make this the day, and tried hinting her on the bus to vivo, and at the balcony. if only she can remember, i put my hand on her lap, hinting her to hold mine. she didn't compromise, i thought that she didn't feel the same as i did. i remember this period, i lied down on the ground, and started looking at the stars. i was rather tired and thinking if i should really hold her hand today. and at that very moment, her hand came over to me and pulled me up. and i knew, i must hold it now.

but something bad happened straight after. we were holding each other's hands tightly even when we are sitting on the bus. i felt that she didn't wanna let me go, so was i. but i told her something, that i wasn't ready. i was such a failure since primary school days. never succeeded before each time i chased a girl. i wasn't ready cause all these years, i've never been accepted. was really relieved that she wasn't angry.

and that's how we got together.

at the start, we met around 3 times per week, having a good time each outing. and we went ahead to kissing few days after we got together. our love was strong then..

but problems started. i wasn't able to take her blog having more of other boys than me. nearly every post has another guy's name. but i know she didn't love him..he was just a friend. but i was just jealous.
and this became one of the biggest problem.. i regretted for nagging about this problem time and time again which made her feel sick and tired of it..the outcome is always argument between us.

now that i think of it, i should have given her more time..the fact that she said she will change her blog and stuff for me when we are stable..

soon, our 1 month anniversary came. i was so so sooooooo excited over the weekends. was asking my friends what their bf do for them during their anniversary. some tell me to buy her flowers. but ... i was having financial difficulties at that time.. and i lied to her, saying that i didn't have the time. felt really really sorry..i'm such a useless boy. can't even buy FEW STALKS of roses for her during our first anniversary..she even paid for our movie..

more problems came in between us after that.. mainly cause i still didn't stop my nonsense.. and made her sick and tired of the arguments..i don't blame her for that..but i'm really really hurt that even after i changed, she didn't give me the love i've always wanted..she didn't stop showing disinterest with me..she didn't show me love at all..but she used to love me more than i did..

that day in school, i heard, we can leave at 10am but there is a course for us at 4 to 5.30pm..i was fighting inside my mind..whether i should send her home after school..and i made up my mind to after that. gave her a call..and asked that question..i didn't know that she will actually scream at me and insisted on going home herself..she didn't used to show me this kind of treatments..i believe its my nonsense that changed her..

recently, i left her alone to think through, what i have done for her and what she gave me in return.. but turns out that she had been thinking whether we should still be together..i feel like a moron digging my own grave..

she took quite a long time to make up her mind to end our relationship..

guys..my question is, how can i get another chance from her? i need advices if possible..i feel that shes a girl who needs alot of time..need advices .. i don't wish to lose her..



All your negativity contributed subconsciously to your self fulfilling prophesies - your failure in this relationship is a mirror image of your basis definition of love. I shall quote you the phrases that have attached maliciously as part of your core belief:

[quote] '...i was afraid at first, cause no girls asked me out before. i had no idea how to react, and gave her a feeling that i don't wanna go, but it's not true, i just don't know how to face her.

...but i told her something, that i wasn't ready. i was such a failure since primary school days. never succeeded before each time i chased a girl. i wasn't ready cause all these years, i've never been accepted.' [/quote]

The source of your possessiveness was created from your perpetual effort of trashing yourself down in negative light. If you reckon that you are unlovable, no matter how glorious your relationship has the potential to be, it will appear bleak; like peering through a pair of sunglass, even if the landscape could steal your breath away with its majestic stunning colours and lush details.

From the way I look at this, your psychological and emotional structure appears more problematic than your relationship itself. If you are unable to exhibit love for yourself and raise that self esteem, your next relationship would just be the next prey to be devoured by this insecurity once again.

Paradoxically, though you understand that 'you are digging your own grave', you still persisted with your nonsense - signified a terribly lack of wisdom.

I hope you understand that the downfall of this relationship is largely because you are not emotionally and spiritually evolved - strong hint of an alpha male dominance. Resolve that inner afflictions caused by your developing years and enlighten those blemishes from within.

[quote] ..but i'm really really hurt that even after i changed, she didn't give me the love i've always wanted..she didn't stop showing disinterest with me..she didn't show me love at all..but she used to love me more than i did.. [/quote]

I will repeat again: this is a self fulfilling prophesy. You reckoned that you will always fail in relationship and so congrats: you achieved exactly what your mind has envisioned. Never mind how great the relationship was and never mind about she giving more previously - because you thought that you are unlovable and doesn't deserve genuine love, therefore you coerced subconsciously her to comply likewise.

Individually, your condition is far from what Love needs of you personally before you are ready for a relationship. It's not about love - it's about you. If you can't even handle yourself, I doubt you are in any position to extend this very love to someone else.

Cheers

ST Death

Seriously, something must have gone real wrong somewhere; whenever I flipped through the paper, scanning for my competitive ATL ads, I will see news of people dead... and they happen to be people I know.

Firstly it was Ishi - who suicided.

Next it was Cheng Khoon who succumbed to cancer.

Sigh.

I was actually quite shocked when I saw Cheng Khoon face on ST. I mean, it seemed like yesterday when me, Andrea, Daniel and YL were trying to sell everybody the goodies Iris kept to raise funds for charity.

I recalled Cheng Khoon trying to bargain with me over some mundane wire thingy for $1. And the times where we had so much food and I left it at Sport Desk for whoever that wants to eat.

And I even cracked a joke about his name, claiming that it bears close resemblence to 乾坤大挪移。

Haha... those were indeed the good old days: Sigh... you two will be in my prayers.

Aunt Agony 050707

Originally posted by Guardx:
Looking at a relationship with a history of 3 years. I am earning less than her and wish I could earn more. Tried very hard but still no chance. She always do what she wants without thinking about both of us. Go chionging without telling and does not care about my feelings. Request for her to change her ways but she refuse saying that she will follow her friends. Always listerning and giving in to her makes me no better than a dog. Sadly I am not that handsome enough to change to another gal so quickly. Sianz..



Your situation transpired one single truth - that no relationship is able to sustain itself based on one person's effort, regardless of how much perseverance or tolerance one has stored in his/her guts.

Your post revealed a man, growing emotionally tired of indulging in a one player game. However, though you probably felt trapped, simultaneously, you felt that wasn't any other perceived alternatives without having to compromise on your current status quo.

Your writing reeked of envy to people who seemed to score better in the looks department. It seemed to me that you might subconsciously hoped to find someone else to alleviate your misery, so that you could safety leap ship and resume your journey in love. But in comparison to loneliness - you rather choose to remain with a known evil than an unknown future of single hood.

So much insecurity that it really makes me wonders if you are in a relationship for love or mere companionship.

You are what you think you are - if you think you are humdrum and average, then it will manifest into reality for you.

Love thrives best when led with moderation - it's not about how good you are or how much money you splurge on her. In fact to me, your 'goodness' is seemed to be due to your belief that you have to work twice as hard to compensate your lack of looks.

It may not be intrinsically part of your personality to do so.

Love might be the driving force behind it. But who knows? It might actually be fear.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 050707 (Yunhaier X jojobeach)

Originally posted by fourfourtwo8:
im in my late thirties, consider well to do. not too high profile. currently extremely bored, single again
im being pursued aggresively by a 21 year old girl who is very beautiful but all the while i consider as my little sister but the feeling she give me is she wants more than that.
my worries is compatibility and i dont want to go through another relationship to break up and im not a player.

two questions ,
we might go to an overseas trip together for shopping , if we do we might most probably end up as bf / gf. should i?

she might stay over at my place for a few weeks for matter of convenience because of an assignment near my place, should i?


im not that handsome or that ugly , just normal but slightly better than normal. is it normal for 21 year old very beautiful girl to behave this way?its weird to be pursued when you have been doing the pursuing all the while.
Im flattered by the attention but at the same time suspicious...

how ler?


Originally posted by jojobeach:
Fourfourtwo8,

I've dated men this kind of age gap before.

She may be genuinely interested in you.
Given your life experience and financial stability.
You would bring some interesting offerings to the table.

The relationship may be a very refreshing one for the both of you.

However, there are certain issues you might want to consider before you take the leap.

She is at a very different life stage as you.
At this age, she is starting to see what life has to offer.
I also doubt she will be ready to "settle down" and start a family with you anytime soon.

Are you willing to wait ?
At your age, you would probably want to start a family in a few years time?
Wouldn't want to be a old daddy with a newborn, right ?
Are you willing to let her explore what life has to offer and not interfere?

She still has a lot to learn......

You are a mature man, you will need to have a lot of patience and be a very understanding partner..... sometimes her childishness may trigger an irritation similar to dealing with someone of lesser intelligence. Are you ready to deal with that ?

Also, she will have the upper hand in terms of time....
She can afford to throw away perhaps 3-4 years more should she decide this is not what she wants.
Are you willing to gamble another 3-4 years into this relationship ?
Your stakes are high.....

If you are sure of it..and you are not in a rush to start a family.
Then by all means, go for it.


When you switched the roles over, you find yourself thinking and feeling in the shoes of a typical woman, wondering if the pursuer is dead serious or merely in for a moment of passion.

This is a woman's dilemma.

It's heartening to understand that you are moving on with your life - you should. But take good sense and care not to allow yourself the condition to substitute love subconsciously, just because you have yet to recover emotionally. IMHO, you may not have gotten over your previous relationship yet. Healing will resume automatically when the mind and soul returns back to clarify with wisdom, so do allow that time frame to manifest into effect.

Next is regarding individual needs - completely share the sentiment with Jojo; the chronological age gap conjures vast differences in expectation and needs. A man in late thirties certainly brandishes his love definition and needs differently from a young lady of early twenties. This is the generational phenomenon in Love astrology. Some women are naturally attracted to older man - this is due to certain qualities that draw them towards such mates (Saturn in 7th house - not considering aspects). It's not always the case of a women going all out to cheat a man of his money (In that sense, its likely Neptune influenced, affliction in 2nd/8th house)

But a positive aspect about this is that in love, it doesn't necessarily mean that we must have similarity to make it workable. In fact, the complementary aspect of personalities in a couple is far more crucial... though ironically giving rise to the most difficult of challenge people will ever face.

Of course there are reasonable reasons and possibilities why are not accepting her - which have been kindly contributed in posts by forumers before me. But in summary, the rationale of you hesitating is largely because, considering your current emotional state and age, you are averse to risk taking.

And she blatantly represents a high risk investment... an instrument you find it choking to swallow outrageously.

I cannot determine if you should go for it because from my angle, it's really a matter of choice. Rather, I would ask if you would like to take the plunge and try to reap something meaningful out of this. And yes, it doesn't mean that you must marry her eventually if things can't work out as you shouldn't let time fetter you in any ways.

I think a critical lesson to master in love is that no matter how many relationships you have been into, every newborn relationship starts from square one. You can't expect your next relationship to 'fill-in-the-blanks' from where the previous one has falter; therefore it isn't wise to plan/decide upon a marriage partner way before even you foster strong bonds from your BGR. Simply just because you are getting older and needs to settle down quickly is a bad excuse for haste.

And haste is one of the top failing factors in love.

An interesting question to note would be: does your aversion to risk comes from the fact that she is a high risk investment, or does it comes from your fear of failure?

P.S: If the both of you are going overseas together or even having her to stay over your place for a few weeks - the sex conundrum will surely appear in this equation. I don't know how sexually disciplined you are, but trust me, you probably won't want to put yourself a situation where you are not confident at all - especially when it comes to sex.

Sure, it can be all good wild fun - but once you begin in that 'brand positioning', it would be very arduous to 'reposition'. And a stable, proper relationship might not materialise very well from then onwards because of how you move your chess piece.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 040707

Originally posted by troubled_in_love:
I know what I am going to receive from a lot of replies here. Insult and jokes and cheeky replies. It is okie. I still post my story and still wanna see the feedbacks from the rest of the people who treat it seriously.

To cut the long story short, I am in love with another girl. That is not unusual. It is supposed to be a good thing. However the problem is I have a wife.

Yup I am a bastard and I deserve to be castrated.

Let me ask back a question in return. When you marry, who will you choose ? A person you like a lot, but do not like u as much. Or a person who like you a lot but you do not like tat much ? This is because in the past, I always thought tat it is not possible to find a person who you like and like you in return. I always thought that is a Moulin rouge fantasy and that is why I choose to find a person who like me a lot. I think a lot of people will choose this because it is supposed to be fortunate to have someone who like you and dote on you while it is tiring to love someone who do not love u that much in return.

However Moulin rouge fantasy is the right way to go. One should find someone he loves a lot and in return, love you. Even though it seems impossible… even though there are no perfect things in the world…It is the right thing to do. If u choose the above question to be someone who like you a lot but you do not like in return, you will face a severe dilemma like me. Later on in life you find someone who you like a lot and like you in return. But it is already too late.

Typical story is like this. I used to like a girl a lot. I crazily chased her. I failed. Totally miserable with no confidence in myself anymore. Met another girl. Seems to like me. Go out for a few dates. Acceptable and become girlfriend. Eventually become wife. However we face problems such as me lacking passion and energy in planning anything in the future with her or do anything for her. There is just no… enthusiasm… I never really crazily like my wife but I can live with her for many years. There are no real problems except having little enthusiasm for anything related to her and it is straining her. Then I met another girl and I started to like her. I go back to the time when I crazily like a girl again. We have similar character, similar hobbies and we like each other. Whenever I think of the future with her, it is something I always wanted in life. When I think of my future with my wife, all I see is….. a normal life…..

So what should I do ? Divorce and try to seek a new life with the new found love ? We only live once and being in a unfeeling relationship is not helping any of the parties. Stay with my wife and become a moral and responsible man ? Furthermore all love dies down one day and I just never see the potential problems I have with the new love.

What should one choose ?


Quintessentially, your mindset is the source of your torment and dire circumstances. Your rationale of what's love is to you appears to be myopic in judgement and narcissistic in thoughts - revolving solely on how you adorn your deluded definition of love in such screwed pattern.

Chances are, your wife is merely a woman that happens, unfortunately, to be around at the wrong time, with you accepting her while arming with a 'No-fish-pawn-also-good' perception of things.

All along, there has always been an innate dissatisfaction with your relationship as you perpetually long for a woman whom you could be crazy over, thinking that this is true love for you.

I am going to share with you something:

'...Many people look so disillusioned when I announce that the soul mate search is a myth, like I'm taking their favourite fairy tale away. I'm not, believe me. Giving up the idea that there is a soul mate for us somewhere and it's our job to find them can be downright liberating. Few things bring tears to my eyes more quickly than clients who stay in abusive relationships because they have confused the constant emotional intensity with their concept of what having a soul mate must be like. Even clients with perfectly nice marriages sadly tell me that their greatest failure was in never having found their soul mate. The term soul mate gets mistaken for everything from infatuation to lust to an excuse for stalking, obsession, and domestic violence...'

I feel for your wife, not because her husband is getting emotionally entangled with another girl, but because all these years, she has failed in trying to induce your heart to love her naturally.

You love the security that accompanied with her presence, but you never did give her or yourself a chance to love genuinely. And there's too much fantasy-indulgence that you have fed your befuddled soul with, giving rise to all sort of illusionary expectation you desire in your relationship.

Your loyalty is wavering - citing that she is nothing but normal and normal isn't what you are looking for.

Have you both communicated about this matter? Seriously, it isn't too huge of a hole to mend if both parties are willing to work things through. Of course, if that's not part of your decision to smooth out the edges in your relationship, then it will degenerate rapidly.

Before you keep looking out of your relationship for answers and hastily decide that that's true love for you, why not you try to understand and love the woman you are with? It's kinda sad getting married to a woman you hardly even knew or love. Sure, you might have dated for years, but to me, the relationship is hardly anywhere concrete.

Have you even given your marriage a good try? Or do you simply disregard it completely?

The answer would decide your route to take.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 030707

Originally posted by maskedangel:
Guys, im new here. A fren recommended me to post my woes as i needed advise on my future steps.

Here's my story.

I meet my gal when we were in secondary school. She was one of my close frens at 1st, and slowly, my feeling for her grew.

I pluck enough courage to ask her be my gf, bute rejected it. I persue her for 6 months, and finally we got together.

Like all relationships, there's bound to be highs and lows in it.
I'm someone hu cant manage my anger well. So wad happen was, everytime we quarrel, i would threathen to break up. It wasnt intentional, as my mind was not in a stable state to tink properly. Jealousy and miscomunication from both party also played a big part in it. However, through it all, we lasted 11 months together.

3 months ago, she went to some camp which i didnt wan her to go. I was furious at her the point of time for no particular reason. After the camp, we had a big quarrel, and she wanted a time- out. I couldn't accept it, and i flared up again. I knew i shouldn't flare, but it juz happen.
The time-out turned out to be a break. She broke up with me during the time out. Her new found friends occupies all her time.
She refuses to reply to my messages, nor on msn neither.

It has since been 3 months, and she seems to be enjoying life while im suffering here. i cant forget the feelings and love i had for her, unlike how she has, or claimed to have .

Can any1 tell me whats the possible scenarios or steps i should take? i realli love her. Help me with some wise words of advise pls


I can't teach you how to win in love unless you first guide yourself to win over your personality.

Ill temper and lost of emotional control is a bad excuse for such behaviour. If you are going to persist in such immaturity, this will probably afflict your future relationships until you have the wisdom to evolve yourself.

Your suffering is very much due to the fact that she is able to get on with life much better without your presence - a self absorbed quality of love. Like a scoring a blatant victory over a screwed relationship; if she has found happiness outside you, perhaps you, being the source of her great misery, might just want to take some time off to introspect and decide how you want to improve your inner qualities.

If you claim love, but she is very much better off without the framework of this relationship - perhaps, letting go might demonstrate more strength than clinging on.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 010707

Originally posted by kkkk0914:
acutuali me and my gf is gona 5 mths le..first month + to 2 is very sweet..like msgs came here and sent with mushy words..after tat it lessen..its normail i tink..bt till now its like we msg less thn 10 per day?

and that she nv include like 'dear', 'honey' etc..when i msg ilu or imu..she oso nv reply..i ask her y she simply jux say 'duno lahs'..it like oni per anni tatz whn she will say it..and everytime is i msg her first, if not maybe till 6pm + she oso woun msg me..and when she msg me its like 'i go out now', 'i reach home le' bt her reach home is after bath or even aft watch tv..lol..

yday..i msg her cos we nv met and when i like sent the 4th msg in abt 30+ 40 mins, she replied say its irritating..and at 10pm+ i msg or 4 msg, thn she replied 'u very boring izzit?' ..thn she even blocked me in msn and i confronted her in msn..she replied im sorry, i go slp le at around 2am+..

why it turned out to be like tat?? wat shld i do?? im really tired of doing so much..im sad, angry..how? :(


It's natural for young love to revel in their love passion and shower each other with lovely messages and such. But as you progress further into your relationship - to sustain a relationship requires more than just that lovey SMS.

Don't get me wrong - it's always good to be loving and send something thoughtful or affectionate, but that shouldn't be the source of your problem.

Often, it's how the person developed emotionally.

Not everyone is apt to be affectionate.

You will be surprised knowing how some people demonstrate their affection in love. It's not because they don't love their partners - but rather, their environment and personal development had grown in such a way that they are unable to respond to love spontaneously and heartily.

Next time when you witness a large group of friends laugh together, watch carefully: you will realise that although the term 'laughter' is experienced by all - everybody will react differently to this experience, in terms of how they display their mirth.

Some will burst out in madness; some will tear; some will only giggle; some will remain cold; some will roll on the floor; some will only smile; some will cover their mouth when they laugh; some will appear like seizure; some will be clutching their chest... so on and so forth.

It's not about 'turning to be like these' as your title has suggested - it's probably part her to behave in such a manner in her most natural state and form. During honeymoon stage and the chase, most of us would attempt to conceal our flaws and negative aspects of our personality. It's only when we have led our relationship and given enough time, our blemish becomes clear.

Relationship is not a journey of perfect bliss. You have probably board the wrong train if you are expecting one.

It's how you uncover about each other's true personality, deal with them and grow from there. That takes years of effort to compromise, shape and evolve one another and especially to craft your relationship. Now that you know more about her and your relationship, start structuring basis communication - relating individual needs and definition of love. Try to blend indifference into something workable and learn to fine tune regularly to keep it in shape.

If you even perturbing over such minor roadblocks, I can only say: please anticipate more of such challenges, with greater intensity, thrown into your path.

Cheers

OF Chomper Tee release

Alvin said it will drop next tue.

=DDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Cheers

Aunt Agony III 300607

Originally posted by Chii_Chii:
I am 26 this year. Having spent the last 3 yrs with my bf, with like no plans to get married becoz he say we are not finanicially stable enuf yet. Though I really wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, many circumstances DO NOT allow me to do so.

Another Problem is tat he is married. Though he says he no longer sees his wife anymore. I dunno if i should trust tat and keep on living my life like a invisible 3rd party.

I dun wan to waste my time waiting like an idiot. Doing everything practically like what a wife would do for him, but STILL, I'm jus his GF.

My parents are urging me to get married... but.. I dunno what to tell my parents about his status. Theres no signs tat he's going to settle his divorce anytime yet.

He told me to wait... for the maturity of his matrimonial house and his ROM date to turn 5... It already turned 6 this yr...How long do I have to wait?

I feel so sad... Gave up a good job offer becoz he dun like it, jus for him.
I think I am so silly....

Any advices regarding what I should do about it?
Please help... Sighs…


We can never anticipate how our love will begin or turn out because back in our childhood days, we often fantasize how romantic or splendid our relationship will be in the future, loving the seemingly perfect mate in bliss and happiness.

I used to wonder why some people have this penchant of falling for married man/woman. Of course, apart from being karmic in nature, sometimes, it's just the quality of unavailability that attracts itself on higher level. It's subconscious in nature and appears to defy logics – after all, how can someone being unavailable be an attractive factor?

CloUdiSm states 'We attract the quality we exude' - when our unconsciousness are apt towards people who are unavailable or apt towards the notion of a 'suffering love' - such scenarios are likely to happen and we see ourselves getting entangled in them, bleeding from the tentacles of deception.

Firstly, you must understand that each of us uniquely have our own separate needs. Being in love doesn't necessarily means that our needs are similar, in fact, it's often the opposite - having complementary needs. You probably love being in love with him, but that doesn't mean the same for him. Coming from a complicated marriage, it's highly possible that you might just be an element of escapism for him - forging a sub-rosa relationship by serving as a avenue of emotional comfort whenever he has unresolved marital conflicts with his wife.

His intention of having this relationship might not be as linear - where you can safety upgrade yourself to a marriage from a relationship. His hesitation betrayed strongly of this as chances are, he might not even be thinking of leaving his wife completely.

Loving him is one thing, being suitable is another - many people often claimed about how much they loved their ex, but seriously does that constitute to suitability? And eventually, how have their relationship turn out to be?

P.S: I am not advocating you to break up, but I want you to know that the circumstances you are driven into have already been predicted since day one. When you accepted a clandestine relationship with a married man, you must be prepared to face all the adversities thrown into your path. This is termed as RHC in CloUdiSm (Relationship of Higher Complication).

Is love enough to sustain all these challenges? Or rather, is this love something close to what you have picture it to be after three years?

Please do not be bounded to think that after three years, this man is someone you must marry. In fact, if someone is simply not suitable, dragging and lengthening your relationship might amount to nothing at the end of the road.

You simply can't make an unsuitable man… suitable.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 300607 (Continued from AA 29 & 300507)

Originally posted by jackdaniels:

Just some thoughts from the back of my head. I don't think Mr G wants a relationship though that is what he claims. Maybe he wants one but he doesn't really need one with me. Things seemed to transpire in reverse order. Most of us claim a r/s before or shortly after physical intimacy, for Mr G it happens after 2 years. Maybe he orchestrated this mistrust. Maybe I did.


The logical part of me believes he's spewing whatever he thinks can ensure contact when he comes back. It comes across as very cheesy. He has been spewing for a long time now. Apart from sex I cannot think of better reason why a person like him will bother. I also don't understand why he has to be this desperate / shrewd. That's why I'm curious for male perspective. Is it really desperation? Do people really stoop to that?


I have no idea why he needs to be this desperate because I find him attractive and he gives me nightmares. What I don't understand is why he chose to leave without bidding goodbye, then contacts me again and apologises voluntarily. I wasn't riled up to begin with, I didn't probe. I didn't instigate anything. Close friend of mine says I am not being appreciative that he bothered feeling bad over going away. I would like to be nice and responsive but something tells me he is just being a phoney. When I respond sometimes he becomes distant and says things like please take good care of yourself and cheers. Sort of like he is regretting the conversation big time and just trying to be rid of me.


Asking him all these questions is not going to cut because he will just be quiet. I don't think he needs these questions now anyway. When he does try explaining, the atmosphere gets so unbearably heavy I feel bad over it and have no choice but to cut him in and make a joke to lighten things up again. But when I try a joke to lighten things up, he turns frigid and looks very offended. When I get the feeling he is offended there's pretty much nothing I can do except to shut up. When he's offended he says nothing does nothing. It is very unapproachable and very scary to me.


Apart from that, I like him for his company and miss him when he's not around. But when he isn't around I'd rather not talk on the phone or on the net because he's very boring and awkward.


I want to tell him honestly it's better that we not talk and just meet up and go about the usual routine when he comes back, clear the air so he doesn't have to try so I don't have to be mislead. But if he really ignores me I'll feel terrible and unhappy. At the same time I don't want to be hurtful. He remembers harmless comments sometimes, shows no reaction and then brings it up 3 months later. What I say can come back to haunt me.


Can't seem to find a one stop kick buttock solution to my frustration and insanity so I would like someone clever to just tell me what it is so I can do right by it.


I just want to know if I am being excessively cynical or if I should go with what my gut says.



Which route will allow you the liberty to be freed from this karmic, emotionally-captive and unfulfilling relationship? In fact, you have probably guessed it, nothing much will come out of it, but somehow, you are pinning for a drastic miracle to occur so that everything will somehow lead into a long awaited happy conclusion.

That's pretty much delusional. Probably it might not be as literal as a 'happy' ending, but surely you somewhat desire a long awaited conclusion to distinctively mark the boundaries of your relationship with him. Currently, your relationship with him has neither definite shape nor volume - a primary three kid will tell you that belong to the state of gas.

In fact, you are probably waiting for an answer that will always be denied. You will never know what's going on in his mind - he is shifty, alternating his mood and taking on the quality of being unpredictable - the all familiar AOS (Art of Seduction) techniques applied to another womenfolk.

Let me reframe your context - you have a choice now. But from the flow of your thoughts, apparently, the crux of your choice paradoxically implied that this decision is very much depended on his choice.

Therefore, it actually leaves you with no choice but to carry on and maintain status quo.

Square one.

In fact, you might even fear to know the truth - should there be an abstruse truth of some kind. What if he only thought of this as free sex? A fuck buddy? Would that shatter your confusion outrageously or even ruin the perception of how you have always thought of your relationship with him?

Could it be such that you are the one imploring more from this, when the unofficial deal is merely just that?

Perhaps the one that adamantly refuse to move along might be you.

Perhaps he understood this critical point - your need for his companionship supercede even the need for love. In crude sense, he could barter sex for his companionship and would succeed every time he subtly threatened you emotionally with abandonment.

[quote]...But if he really ignores me I'll feel terrible and unhappy. At the same time I don't want to be hurtful[/quote]

This is the very reason why you have failed to move along these years. You have failed to resolve the internal conflicts within your inner space, that the most important component - which is SELF, is terribly afflicted with twisted definition of love, creating a scenario of you hovering back and forth between square one.

And your vulnerability is heavily being exploited my dear.

***

Why do you reckon that you must always respond or even be subjected to his 'haunting'? You mean someone can always 'haunt' you without your permission to allow them?

Your freewill, namely being your choice, decides your fate in your personal crisis. This freewill I often talks about, is independent of this knavish fellow or any other influences you are subjected to.

You are coerced to fear, hindering your process to make ANY decision because you can't seemed to leave the shoreline in search of an island that truly belongs to you.

Love is not something fleeting and ambiguous - you can actually feel it shrouding every pores of your life and not leaving you alone in despair, wondering when is the next time he's going to play ninja and vanish without a trace.

The weird thing about people in love is that they do the same thing and make the same decision over and over and over again... simultaneously expect different result.

Perhaps moving on for certain might instead be a different approach, dispelling, once and for all, this phantasmal nightmare you have been coping for years. From there, you might want to work on your SELF component.

Remember: you have the prerogative to be with a man who truly loves and appreciate you for who you are. A man... not a ninja.

Cheers

'Princess' Flower

'Princess' Flowers for Shirley! That was exactly what it was called. Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Cheers

Aunt Agony 300607

Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:
Look at the people around you and look at the threads/posts in this forum...

What are the common misconceptions of love?

Love is a feeling like hunger is a feeling and just as when you are hungry, you have to handle that hungry feeling well... know what food to eat to stay healthy, avoid poisonous food and so on... you too must know how to handle your feelings of love well or you will be in trouble


Misconception of love is largely due to an individual's life journey. A person growing up in a disruptive domestic environment is likely to learn about love much more differently from another coming from a loving family. And of course, when you factor in karmic reasoning - our growth and cosmic lessons will differ vastly, giving rise to different attitude and perception of what love is to them.

The notion of 'misconception' is not literal; in fact, it's more likely to be a 'pseudo-reality' having to live in their own experience and suffering from the consequence of what have been presented to them. They will classify it as their version of truth in love, accepting and feeding these grime maliciously into their mindset and in turn, behaving like what their thoughts believe in.

Love is never about destiny - it's about empowerment, realization, choice and learning.

Many times, it's not so much of how much someone suffered in love - it's about how you come out of it and surmounts those challenges. Not everyone needs higher learning in love; you just need to know enough to make your relationship fulfilling.

Cheers

Bape Car

Saw this car when going out for lunch.

I WANT A CHOMPER CAR! =D

Aunt Agony 230607

Originally posted by twelfth night:
hi guys, just wondering how u guys cope with jealousy..
Everytime i see her talking to this or that guy, asking how to do this or that, jealousy just takes over me. It feels weird, but im not particularly angry or something, just frustrated at myself for being so weak(and protective?) and unable to control my emotions :cry:
btw, we are not together, still in the process of courtship.. i know u guys will say since she is not my gf, what even gives me the right to be so concern of her, but im just so confused.


Well, technically speaking you don't really have that position to feel jealous, as even you have probably stated the reason why.

And jealousy belongs to some rudimentary emotions - same level as anger - just that it's even harder to eradicate, but it's almost as destructive as anger in impact when overwhelmed.

Anyway, I doubt you have reached to such a stage. I mean everyone would be saying that jealousy is normal, but normal is not good enough a reason for it to manifest into effect. Akin to that of anger is normal, but that rationale is never good enough for me throw a punch at someone just because it's normal to feel angry.

I think the great thing about Love is that it alone will allow anyone to experience an entire gamut of emotions and humans should always learn to deal with them. But when it comes to different emotions, our ability to handle them varies according to our personality and psychological archetype.

Don't fret just yet. Learn to understand what's going in and out of your emotions and learn to study them. Then gradually engineer it in such a way that it could make your life a whole lot easier and implement it as part of your core value and mindset.

P.S: The key to evolve our emotional flaws is to work from within. Superficial solutions are usually short term and do not address the root of problem.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 210607

Originally posted by snorlex:
recently i fall for a girl but i also have a girlfriend which is at oversea studying right now. we have been together bout 5 years. at first i tot the feeling for that girl is just temporary, after awhile it will fade. but never know that the feeling is getting stronger & stronger upon time. i consider & reconsider which side should i drop. both seem like really really important to me & i cant let go either 1 of them. i also dunno why i have such a strong feeling for that girl, she not pretty & nothing special. but when ever i see her just got the feeling like want to protect her something like that. is just feel great when being with her. for my girlfriend, she is just like my everything. i love her more than anything else. now me n the girl like calling each other dear but she not my girlfriend or anything. i got asked her if we can be togther b4 but she dun want coz i have a gf. one of the day i was like really drunk & she send me home then she kissed me on the lips wat does that mean? i really confuse now.. dunno wat to do. lost my direction.


It's easy to cheat on our partners - much more effortless if she is out of country.

What will you do if you know that you could cheat on her and still 'get away' with it? Because from the way your situation has flowed into, that could turn out to be a possibility eventually.

You are indeed playing with fire when you addressed her flagrantly as 'dear'. Flippant words may be cheap, but reiterated message over a period of time strengthens a belief gradually. Now that your worst nightmare has escalates beyond your control, look closer - probably this 'nightmare' might be a real wish after all.

I do understand your astronomical void and emotional restlessness when your Significant Other is not around physically to tender those sensitive needs. But from certain angles, this is exactly what differentiates a great relationship from 'the others'.

An LDR (long distance relationship) is relative difficult. In fact, it is a fallacious promise for any relationship to succeed in LDR, challenging even for the best of love. Sure, some might just barely kept their breath above water, but looking at statistics, your kind of plight is THE most common reason why LDR fails.

Do note that I am not advocating civil and moral lessons on the necessity to be loyal at all cost because it's a matter of choice. You have your own needs and such subconscious absence might prove to be a little too much for you to bear.

Retrograde and remain alone for the time being. You probably need that sort of environment to introspect and decide what you want. It's better to face your feelings right now, then to play passive and wait until everything implodes into some love tragedy.

You mentioned that you lost your direction? Who knows? In the process, you might have lost your heart too.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 170607

Originally posted by Tian Long Jiu Bu:
I recently stead with a ger who like me since we was sec 2. Tat was like 3-4 yrs ago. We like each other last time. I try to hold her hand but she once like reject.
Then this yr, after we went to a classmate house for CNY, we realise we still have feeling for each others. So we started le. Until now, is abt 3 mth le. We keep thinking abt our future le. I put in alot effort in this relationship. But @ first, her mum disapprove of us. Cos the main reason is cos she is from JC and i am from ITE. But now, she is okay le. But can still see tat she is still a little sad ba. She say our education gap to big.
But she say if i continue into poly, then it will be alright. Which i am willing to do.

My gf is vv close toward her guy friend and everytime i noe, i wil get jealous. But i try to control le. Now a guy who once like her kep calling her and she nvr ans. But he just nvr stop de lo.. She told me everytime when he call her. Wad can i do?

Sometimes i felt tat she is happier when she is with her friend. But she say no. She was jus acting to be happy infront of them. She is the type who duno how to think abt others feeling. Jus do wad she feel like doing.

Got any advice on wad i can and should do?


Precisely - what can you do if your competitor tries to launch a 'marketing campaign' to promote themselves? Obviously you are insecure; not just because he is a competitor, but also, his positioning is probably perceived as 'better brand' than yours.

Seriously, don't fret over things that are beyond your control, namely external factors. Gather your resources and focus on what you could manipulate - which is yourself.

If you kept segmenting yourself as the bottom tier system of our screwed education system - ITE as It's The End - you will probably live in that brand for the rest of your life. Then when you get jealous due to insecurity, you are likely to tighten your grip on your love and over the time, this will hurt your relationship.

You might think that you are not good enough, but actually it's because you do not understand yourself well enough to play your cards strategically.

The ball is in your court - only you can make her see if she has made a right choice by sticking with you. And as long as it becomes a reality... as long as you gradually improve your 'brand' and become more 'marketable' - your positioning will improve.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 170607

Originally posted by oakley1976:
I (currently 32 yrs of age) have known this particular girl for almost 5 years. She (currently 29 yrs of age) is a very nice, thoughtful, pretty and caring. Through this 5 years we enjoyed each others company. Spend alot of our time together. Sometimes I sleep over at her place, whenever time is in favour. Come 3 and a half years of our relationship, I popped the question, asking for her hand in marriage. She mentioned that she is not prepared and not ready to commit, not because she comes from a broken family or had bad experience before. Relative and friends of ours are in favour. Finally abt a year ago, she decided to go ahead with the wedding plans.

We talked alot and decided to live together with my family and have the ROM in the first week of June 07. She and I were looking forward to the big day.

All arrangements has been made; JP, venue of ROM, invited guest, catering, ROM gown, flowers... everything... even collected the cert from ROM.

Then 3 days just before the ROM, she decided to call it off... She says she is not ready. She mentioned that she feels obliged to get married rather than wanting to get married.

She says that it is not my fault. She mentioned have been good to her and it is more than she asked for. She knows that I have been wanting to start a family with her but she is not ready and she also mentioned that she might not even want to get married...

The wedding day is over.

I met her 2 times to talk about the current state of our relationship. She mentioned that she needed time to think... needed 6 months or even longer... or even never to come to a solution. She added that during this period she wants me to seek for better pasture... and does not promise that we could be an item again.

I do not know how to discribe our current state of our relationship. She does still address me as baby, shows concern for me, sents me SMS/ MMS like we used to...

I may sound childish in this... I was allowed to hold her hand and stroke it not allowed to interlock our hands together...

I actually am at a lost of what to do of our relationship...

Her only explaination was that she is afraid to get married... with no deeper reason why...

Her 2 ex-bf had treated her badly. Not spending enough time with her, asking her for money.

During this past 5 years... I have always been assuring her and been faithful to her. As time went by my world revolves around her. Spending much of our time together when we are free.

Now that we are taking this time off. I feel like a part of myself missing.

She told me that she knows that I have been good to her and she could not find anyone else that treats her so well. If she is to go through this ROM it will be more of a obligation rather than love. And there is no other guys in her life currently. She asked me to look for other pastures during this cooling off period... I was dishearten. If I meant so much to her why would she asked me to look for other pastures...

I also have another interpretion of her asking me to look for other pastures... I worried that it might be as she does not want to hurt me so badly now... hopefully it does not hurt that much in 6 months.


I feel for your situation, although I must say that you never did fully understand her psyche, despite leading the relationship for five years.

She began her love life like an immaculate sheet of drawing paper. After two intensive relationships, the artwork left by 'previous artists' is nothing but an entire page of gruesome black paint. Then you appeared in her life, determined to change the outlook of it and started painting different shades of red, blue, green and yellow.

But eventually you realised that the colours you introduced wasn't vibrant, but instead darkened under the initial ebony layering. No matter how you tried painting, it never produced the result you desired.

This is how you have led your relationship of 5 years: merely being a good boyfriend is like desperately trying to splash colours over black; the result will surely differ compared to a white background. Her unfathomable reaction to null the marriage is because you are unable to remove the black coating and thus allowing it to crystallize maliciously from within.

Because of that, your years of goodwill and love ricocheted off her heart, completely shielded, like an adamant plate-mail, capable of warding any love you dedicate to her.

But imho, that still could only be half the story.

She seemed to display a classic example of someone brandishing an unloving core belief being in a loving relationship. Her paranoia towards marriage is seen as an affliction in love, often manifest in people with unstable domestic environment or negative influence from divorce-induced parental marriage. They are psychologically conditioned to a fact that they are unloving and even if they are given something good for once, their mind are unable to accept that sort of possibility, thus subconsciously, they will script some kind of histrionic plot, acting as a self fulfilling prophesy to prove their point - shown from the fact that she is blatantly 'advising' you to find other woman.

***

You may not have to lose this relationship - you probably need to play your cards strategically.

A six month time off is a high risk affair in which I will not advocate. Even Venus square Moon in synastry only suggest short periodic time off; a lengthy version is more often than not a red herring and by the end of the 'agreement', she would probably upgrade this to a permanent contract and sayonara.

After all, I am betting on the fact that she is reconsidering the marital proposal, but not entirely the relationship. If you could sell the concept of 'getting-together-yet-simultaneously-having-all-the-freedom-and-time-to-think' and null the time off, I reckon it's more advantageous in that manoeuvre. Just take great care to avoid the marital pressure issue.

If you can't do it alone, get her best friend to your assistance (or anybody you know that could exert influence on her).

Once there, reach into her soul and try to remove the black taint. Much deep communication and understanding is needed. Believe me, it will be arduous, but if you can avoid triggering the land mines and succeed, things might just turn out well in the future.

Let love talk the walk and walk the talk.

Cheers

GL Douglas

Good luck Douglas.

You are going to be the lowest life form in SAF in a few hours time. Enjoy your final civilian moments.

Aunt Agony 140607

Originally posted by thelesis:
I truly don't understand my girlfriend... how can she break up with me who've been faithful to her for 4years. We known each other for 7years and yet now, she just said "this is my attitude that causes the problem" I was like "huh, dun tell me you dun have weakness mah" a relationship should just give and take. Appreciate his/her weakness... "although i like to check on her what she is doing but what i do is to prove that I do care for her... what did i do wrong to deserve this?

I think most of the guys are more faithful on relationship than girls..


It's funny how relationship always seemed to have the ability to fly on auto-pilot, only to crash in midair.

Amid the outcry, an investigation is conducted - more often than not, it was only then realised that the crash-factors surfaced long ago.

Neither alarm raised nor warning given. All were quiet and assuming.

And when the signs are certain, it's all too late.

You have to understand that everything happens for a reason - surely a relationship would also cease to exist if there are 'conditions' suffice for 'death' to occur. Though we can't reverse time to undo our errors, but at the 'point of death', you can perform an 'autopsy' on your relationship in order to determine the underlying cause/s.

Seriously, when relationships only have the length of relationship to boast, sometimes, that may be the only thing positive about the relationships. Like a scavenging ghoul, yes it does 'appear alive', but inside, it's pretty much inane and unwholesome, fueled by the crackling of some unholy energy that does not belong to the natural essence of life.

If love was life itself, then human is the perfect embodiment of what a good relationship would be. To remove the love in the relationship is akin to removing life from a human - nothing but a walking dead.

You are too accustomed in your comfort zone. Sure, you have to compromise in any relationships, but when that becomes a convenient excuse not to strive for self evolution towards enlightenment and the better of oneself, it's truly only an excuse. A lazy one in fact.

You mentioned that it's because you care that's why you conducted checks on her?

Or is it because you are insecure that's why checks are needed? Or should I say you probably only initiate things that subconsciously seek to appease or benefit your emotional state?

You ended your statement by claiming that guys are technically more faithful than woman. Actually, you are implying that what you did is right and needs no amendments, surreptitiously shifting blames to women as a whole.

Perhaps when you decide to practice humility and humbly learn what Love wants of you, you will one day understand why your woman left. Remember, everything happens for a reason - this is of no exception.

Cheers

Dilemma

This thing has been plaguing me for years.

Should I pursue a degree in Social Work?

/me think hard.

OF Tarot Stickers

Original Fake Tarot Stickers!

Thanks to the guy at Ambush! ^_^ (I think his name is Alvin).

Woohoooo~~

Cheers

Aunt Agony 100607

Originally posted by MooKu:
Just to those with parents whose marriages have failed - either separated, divorced or merely maintaining the marriage for peace's sake or reasons other than love...

How've your relationships been so far? In general, I mean. Friendships, romantic relationships... As rocky? Or relatively smooth-sailing (like general folk)?

I just wanna hear... that's all. If it's not convenient to reply, then just keep it to yourself - it's perfectly alright.


Don't let a chaotic domestic environment tie you down. Seriously.

It's insane trying to enlighten people, who have been vastly tainted repeatedly over a long stretch of time, learning twisted version of love from negative sources - the very source that they reckoned as 'reality'.

These 'realities' knitted and form part of their core beliefs - which will mimic the underlying elements of the negative sources which they first model after, resulting a bottomless pit cycle.

To lift from this curse, one has to dug deep into their soul and learn to understand their own psyche. Though we can't change our external environment, but surely we could do something about ourselves. And as we amend ourselves, we subtly affect and influence our external environment and our destiny changes.

Don't get bedraggled by the negative stories of failed marriage and relationship. Instead, speak to couples with successful relationship and uncover their secret.

Cheers

Kaws Dissected Companion Figurines

To celebrate Original Fake’s recent 1st year anniversary, KAWS had a very limited run of 20 bronze dissected Companions created. 10 were released to the public and 10 created as artist proofs. Under the watchful eye of master craftsmen in Japan, these 22lbs/10kg statues feature a sharp black shine. The statue itself includes a special KAWS hand-painted coffin box. (Taken from hypebeast).

Aunt Agony III 090607

Originally posted by rainee:
Personally I feel very strongly towards this...I usually dont go after someone once I know they are attached. Doesnt matter whether they are married or are in a relationship, I just don't have the heart to be the third party. So it doesn't matter how attractive the guy is, once I know he is taken, I am steering my way clear of him and will just see him as a close friend at most.

What about you? What is the limit you set? :mrgreen: Just curious to know hehe :P



Three key points that decide the outcome of a person's relationship:

i) Emotional development (which includes early childhood to relationship experience)
ii) Natal chart showing influence and tendency of innate growth and vulnerability.
iii) Karmic/cosmic lessons

It was said that if all the accounting records in the world is accurate (which is impossible), all records will tally... both debit and credit.

Spiritually, we all have our own cosmic account of debit and credit. How the payment is done is through circumstantial triggering, resulting in action and reaction, choice and option, then consequence and effect.

And if every human plays on the role of the 'I would not go after someone who is attached' - in spiritual accounting, it makes no utter sense because who is going to 'provide the circumstance for payment'?

It doesn't matter who believes in what - what critically matters is 'what role are you playing?' – Are you a provider of lesson/s or are you a receiver of lessons?

Let me illustrate an example:

A third party guy (let's called him A) 'invades' a relationship and succeed. The victim, which is the guy who got dumped (let's called him C), realised that the failure of his relationship is due to neglect. C learns the lesson and move on.

Effectively, A provides a lesson to C and C receives a lesson from A - account balanced.

In reality, a whole lot more things are happening simultaneously. The above example contains only but a rudimentary gist of what I want to say, but does not represent a full picture/explanation as a whole. CloUdiSm has a defined complex model to this, but I won't bore everyone with all my shit because it is so theoretical.

Bottom line is that all is fair in love and war. A successful invasion does not mean that the attack was superior, it could jolly well means that the defence is already feeble.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 090607

Originally posted by Uncertain:
I am a 21 years old with no successful BGR before but with 3 unsuccessful confessions.... : I am feeling rather dejected by this. I know there are others out there who suffer much worse fate than me (after reading through the AA forum) but i am starting to feel lethargic about relationship. I admit i get attracted to pretty girls easily but because of my look and past experience, I always try to refrain myself from liking them. To prevent them from being kind to me which always give me false hope, i will act like a jerk to them but not to the extent that i am so resentful (still can be normal friend that kind). The 3 confessions i made to the girls is because they are just being nice to me, then i thought they like me (but i also like them too la). Now i am going to UNI soon, i am wondering i should go for the orientation cos i hear from my senior that you will get to know a lot of people there, especially chio bu. I am scared of falling in love again, i rather to be single than to be hurted again. Now that i am no longer feeling much for girl (dun say i gay, i hate them to the core, i rather be a virgin till i die than to be a gay), i am reverting back to my true self now (no longer acting like a jerk) as i dun like to wear a mask if i can afford to. Despite saying all this, i am yielding that one day i can get a really good girlfriend so that i won't leave this earth with any regret. Sian..... Sry but i just wanna grumble....


If it dawns to you by now, you actually have a modus operendi when it comes to the dating game and it has transformed itself into a vicious cycle which you have failed to identify, resulting in several bungles and botched-attempts of similar fashion over and over again.

The greatest factor why you always fail in love is largely due to your mindset - without a doubt, all failures fed themselves with this mindset - the concept of fear, which beget the outcome of insecurity and exude a 'push-factor aura' to woman around you.

The very facade that you brandished turns woman away and ironically, the reason why you initially garbed that notion is due to the fear of rejection. Paradoxically, you actually produce a 'solution' that inevitably contributes to your destruction and failures. Ego-crushed, you retreated and reiterated this ideology, then even when waves of failures trampled whatever esteem you have beyond fragments, you regress further and still persisted.

Though you may have switched your targets; it all ended up in the same backwash.

It's never a sin to fall in love, but surely, if you do hope for any chance of a genuine relationship, you got to be genuine yourself and be natural. Secondly, rejection is not a consequence of your run-of-the-mill appearance - much have to do with your personality. IMHO, you mentioned that you can't handle rejection; I reckon you can't handle affection as well. Generally, people are nice and if they are just being friendly and you find yourself hastily falling in love with whoever that treats you nicely, you are just going to spoil the broth even if there's only one cook.

Hold your horses and hang on for just a moment. Relationship with woman is not just BGR - learn to develop it first before you level up.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 090607

Originally posted by vice_edge:
hi im kinda of in a fix. between choosing between 2 girls..

first is A , i met her during the jc first 3 mnths and she was the same og as me. as soon i no her , i feel that i had a crush on her and felt tat she was the one. i confess to her before but didn't ( forgot the reason ). She treats her frens like gold and she frequently hangout with girls only i found out. And now we are both in the poly but diff. course , i sms her but she seldom reply .. but i do realli like her alot.

next is B, met her during my amths tuition last time . she is realli cheerful and is the kind of mummy's girl. i always like to chat with her on phone but the prob is her mum.. her mum does not allow her to go out with any of her frens except church fren cos the mum no all the church frens she has...

Both girls to me are realli nice ppl, but they r not chio realli when my frens saw their face but to me , i look on the inside not the outside.. so ya im in a fix... got studies to manage.. plus i not rich, lanky and got the small boy nerd look . im quite shy in front A but when it comes to my frens and B im quite open.. though i didn't successfully jio A but i stil miss her alot but im confused when i think of B..

i dun realli no alot of ppl cos im quite introvert since young only no how to stay at home and mug.. besides got some dumb scholarship to maintain.. but im a single child plus parents retiring soon n i like 16... soon need to sure get attached de. Can any1 provide me some advice appreciate ur help thx :cry:


None of the two girls have responded your affection.

So technically is not a choice between two - you have many other choices outside them; you only choose to limit yourself.

Not that you can't pick your liking among the two, but it seemed to me that you are more inclined to that of a 'market shopping' to see which deal can strike first or is better than the other.

Can we technically 'shop for love?' - it's for you to judge.

[quote]...n i like 16... soon need to sure get attached de[/quote]

Who says when you reached age of 16, you probably need to be attached? Of course I am not advocating you to have your first girlfriend at age of 35 if you can possibly avoid it, but why do you need to incarcerate yourself with your chronological age?

Therefore, it's pretty much the 'thing' that you want as you see it as an age-related need and not actual influence from Love itself.

Self evaluate - your confusion stem from not knowing yourself and your affection. As what Sun Tzu says 'He who has a thorough knowledge of himself and the enemy is bound to win in all battles.'

Cheers

The Card, the Book and the Photo

Current infatuation? Card tricks! I just got a Tally-Ho deck; probably one of the premium decks around to use when applying sleight of hand. I love the design. Beats any traditional deck hands down.

Current book reading-in-progress? Sun Tzu Art of War and Management. Danny bestow it to me during my first day in Corporate Marketing. I thought there was strategies employed by the team enmeshing within the manual - turn out that it was a freebie. Haha... but I love the mandarin characters wrote by Sun Tzu. That's freaking 墨水.

Had breakfast at maxwell before work. So sad that Jerry is leaving. Though it has only been a couple of weeks, but well, he's geniunely a very nice chap. Just had to snap a quick photo with him, in my somewhat bedraggled-cum-desperate-liao look', just before I rush for my hub bus.

All the best to Jerry for his new job at One George St! ^_^

P.S: Go to View and Encode to Unicode (UFT-8) to read mandarin characters.

Cheers