Originally posted by Chii_Chii:
I am 26 this year. Having spent the last 3 yrs with my bf, with like no plans to get married becoz he say we are not finanicially stable enuf yet. Though I really wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, many circumstances DO NOT allow me to do so.
Another Problem is tat he is married. Though he says he no longer sees his wife anymore. I dunno if i should trust tat and keep on living my life like a invisible 3rd party.
I dun wan to waste my time waiting like an idiot. Doing everything practically like what a wife would do for him, but STILL, I'm jus his GF.
My parents are urging me to get married... but.. I dunno what to tell my parents about his status. Theres no signs tat he's going to settle his divorce anytime yet.
He told me to wait... for the maturity of his matrimonial house and his ROM date to turn 5... It already turned 6 this yr...How long do I have to wait?
I feel so sad... Gave up a good job offer becoz he dun like it, jus for him.
I think I am so silly....
Any advices regarding what I should do about it?
Please help... Sighs…
We can never anticipate how our love will begin or turn out because back in our childhood days, we often fantasize how romantic or splendid our relationship will be in the future, loving the seemingly perfect mate in bliss and happiness.
I used to wonder why some people have this penchant of falling for married man/woman. Of course, apart from being karmic in nature, sometimes, it's just the quality of unavailability that attracts itself on higher level. It's subconscious in nature and appears to defy logics – after all, how can someone being unavailable be an attractive factor?
CloUdiSm states 'We attract the quality we exude' - when our unconsciousness are apt towards people who are unavailable or apt towards the notion of a 'suffering love' - such scenarios are likely to happen and we see ourselves getting entangled in them, bleeding from the tentacles of deception.
Firstly, you must understand that each of us uniquely have our own separate needs. Being in love doesn't necessarily means that our needs are similar, in fact, it's often the opposite - having complementary needs. You probably love being in love with him, but that doesn't mean the same for him. Coming from a complicated marriage, it's highly possible that you might just be an element of escapism for him - forging a sub-rosa relationship by serving as a avenue of emotional comfort whenever he has unresolved marital conflicts with his wife.
His intention of having this relationship might not be as linear - where you can safety upgrade yourself to a marriage from a relationship. His hesitation betrayed strongly of this as chances are, he might not even be thinking of leaving his wife completely.
Loving him is one thing, being suitable is another - many people often claimed about how much they loved their ex, but seriously does that constitute to suitability? And eventually, how have their relationship turn out to be?
P.S: I am not advocating you to break up, but I want you to know that the circumstances you are driven into have already been predicted since day one. When you accepted a clandestine relationship with a married man, you must be prepared to face all the adversities thrown into your path. This is termed as RHC in CloUdiSm (Relationship of Higher Complication).
Is love enough to sustain all these challenges? Or rather, is this love something close to what you have picture it to be after three years?
Please do not be bounded to think that after three years, this man is someone you must marry. In fact, if someone is simply not suitable, dragging and lengthening your relationship might amount to nothing at the end of the road.
You simply can't make an unsuitable man… suitable.
Cheers
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Aunt Agony II 300607 (Continued from AA 29 & 300507)
Originally posted by jackdaniels:
Just some thoughts from the back of my head. I don't think Mr G wants a relationship though that is what he claims. Maybe he wants one but he doesn't really need one with me. Things seemed to transpire in reverse order. Most of us claim a r/s before or shortly after physical intimacy, for Mr G it happens after 2 years. Maybe he orchestrated this mistrust. Maybe I did.
The logical part of me believes he's spewing whatever he thinks can ensure contact when he comes back. It comes across as very cheesy. He has been spewing for a long time now. Apart from sex I cannot think of better reason why a person like him will bother. I also don't understand why he has to be this desperate / shrewd. That's why I'm curious for male perspective. Is it really desperation? Do people really stoop to that?
I have no idea why he needs to be this desperate because I find him attractive and he gives me nightmares. What I don't understand is why he chose to leave without bidding goodbye, then contacts me again and apologises voluntarily. I wasn't riled up to begin with, I didn't probe. I didn't instigate anything. Close friend of mine says I am not being appreciative that he bothered feeling bad over going away. I would like to be nice and responsive but something tells me he is just being a phoney. When I respond sometimes he becomes distant and says things like please take good care of yourself and cheers. Sort of like he is regretting the conversation big time and just trying to be rid of me.
Asking him all these questions is not going to cut because he will just be quiet. I don't think he needs these questions now anyway. When he does try explaining, the atmosphere gets so unbearably heavy I feel bad over it and have no choice but to cut him in and make a joke to lighten things up again. But when I try a joke to lighten things up, he turns frigid and looks very offended. When I get the feeling he is offended there's pretty much nothing I can do except to shut up. When he's offended he says nothing does nothing. It is very unapproachable and very scary to me.
Apart from that, I like him for his company and miss him when he's not around. But when he isn't around I'd rather not talk on the phone or on the net because he's very boring and awkward.
I want to tell him honestly it's better that we not talk and just meet up and go about the usual routine when he comes back, clear the air so he doesn't have to try so I don't have to be mislead. But if he really ignores me I'll feel terrible and unhappy. At the same time I don't want to be hurtful. He remembers harmless comments sometimes, shows no reaction and then brings it up 3 months later. What I say can come back to haunt me.
Can't seem to find a one stop kick buttock solution to my frustration and insanity so I would like someone clever to just tell me what it is so I can do right by it.
I just want to know if I am being excessively cynical or if I should go with what my gut says.
Which route will allow you the liberty to be freed from this karmic, emotionally-captive and unfulfilling relationship? In fact, you have probably guessed it, nothing much will come out of it, but somehow, you are pinning for a drastic miracle to occur so that everything will somehow lead into a long awaited happy conclusion.
That's pretty much delusional. Probably it might not be as literal as a 'happy' ending, but surely you somewhat desire a long awaited conclusion to distinctively mark the boundaries of your relationship with him. Currently, your relationship with him has neither definite shape nor volume - a primary three kid will tell you that belong to the state of gas.
In fact, you are probably waiting for an answer that will always be denied. You will never know what's going on in his mind - he is shifty, alternating his mood and taking on the quality of being unpredictable - the all familiar AOS (Art of Seduction) techniques applied to another womenfolk.
Let me reframe your context - you have a choice now. But from the flow of your thoughts, apparently, the crux of your choice paradoxically implied that this decision is very much depended on his choice.
Therefore, it actually leaves you with no choice but to carry on and maintain status quo.
Square one.
In fact, you might even fear to know the truth - should there be an abstruse truth of some kind. What if he only thought of this as free sex? A fuck buddy? Would that shatter your confusion outrageously or even ruin the perception of how you have always thought of your relationship with him?
Could it be such that you are the one imploring more from this, when the unofficial deal is merely just that?
Perhaps the one that adamantly refuse to move along might be you.
Perhaps he understood this critical point - your need for his companionship supercede even the need for love. In crude sense, he could barter sex for his companionship and would succeed every time he subtly threatened you emotionally with abandonment.
[quote]...But if he really ignores me I'll feel terrible and unhappy. At the same time I don't want to be hurtful[/quote]
This is the very reason why you have failed to move along these years. You have failed to resolve the internal conflicts within your inner space, that the most important component - which is SELF, is terribly afflicted with twisted definition of love, creating a scenario of you hovering back and forth between square one.
And your vulnerability is heavily being exploited my dear.
***
Why do you reckon that you must always respond or even be subjected to his 'haunting'? You mean someone can always 'haunt' you without your permission to allow them?
Your freewill, namely being your choice, decides your fate in your personal crisis. This freewill I often talks about, is independent of this knavish fellow or any other influences you are subjected to.
You are coerced to fear, hindering your process to make ANY decision because you can't seemed to leave the shoreline in search of an island that truly belongs to you.
Love is not something fleeting and ambiguous - you can actually feel it shrouding every pores of your life and not leaving you alone in despair, wondering when is the next time he's going to play ninja and vanish without a trace.
The weird thing about people in love is that they do the same thing and make the same decision over and over and over again... simultaneously expect different result.
Perhaps moving on for certain might instead be a different approach, dispelling, once and for all, this phantasmal nightmare you have been coping for years. From there, you might want to work on your SELF component.
Remember: you have the prerogative to be with a man who truly loves and appreciate you for who you are. A man... not a ninja.
Cheers
Just some thoughts from the back of my head. I don't think Mr G wants a relationship though that is what he claims. Maybe he wants one but he doesn't really need one with me. Things seemed to transpire in reverse order. Most of us claim a r/s before or shortly after physical intimacy, for Mr G it happens after 2 years. Maybe he orchestrated this mistrust. Maybe I did.
The logical part of me believes he's spewing whatever he thinks can ensure contact when he comes back. It comes across as very cheesy. He has been spewing for a long time now. Apart from sex I cannot think of better reason why a person like him will bother. I also don't understand why he has to be this desperate / shrewd. That's why I'm curious for male perspective. Is it really desperation? Do people really stoop to that?
I have no idea why he needs to be this desperate because I find him attractive and he gives me nightmares. What I don't understand is why he chose to leave without bidding goodbye, then contacts me again and apologises voluntarily. I wasn't riled up to begin with, I didn't probe. I didn't instigate anything. Close friend of mine says I am not being appreciative that he bothered feeling bad over going away. I would like to be nice and responsive but something tells me he is just being a phoney. When I respond sometimes he becomes distant and says things like please take good care of yourself and cheers. Sort of like he is regretting the conversation big time and just trying to be rid of me.
Asking him all these questions is not going to cut because he will just be quiet. I don't think he needs these questions now anyway. When he does try explaining, the atmosphere gets so unbearably heavy I feel bad over it and have no choice but to cut him in and make a joke to lighten things up again. But when I try a joke to lighten things up, he turns frigid and looks very offended. When I get the feeling he is offended there's pretty much nothing I can do except to shut up. When he's offended he says nothing does nothing. It is very unapproachable and very scary to me.
Apart from that, I like him for his company and miss him when he's not around. But when he isn't around I'd rather not talk on the phone or on the net because he's very boring and awkward.
I want to tell him honestly it's better that we not talk and just meet up and go about the usual routine when he comes back, clear the air so he doesn't have to try so I don't have to be mislead. But if he really ignores me I'll feel terrible and unhappy. At the same time I don't want to be hurtful. He remembers harmless comments sometimes, shows no reaction and then brings it up 3 months later. What I say can come back to haunt me.
Can't seem to find a one stop kick buttock solution to my frustration and insanity so I would like someone clever to just tell me what it is so I can do right by it.
I just want to know if I am being excessively cynical or if I should go with what my gut says.
Which route will allow you the liberty to be freed from this karmic, emotionally-captive and unfulfilling relationship? In fact, you have probably guessed it, nothing much will come out of it, but somehow, you are pinning for a drastic miracle to occur so that everything will somehow lead into a long awaited happy conclusion.
That's pretty much delusional. Probably it might not be as literal as a 'happy' ending, but surely you somewhat desire a long awaited conclusion to distinctively mark the boundaries of your relationship with him. Currently, your relationship with him has neither definite shape nor volume - a primary three kid will tell you that belong to the state of gas.
In fact, you are probably waiting for an answer that will always be denied. You will never know what's going on in his mind - he is shifty, alternating his mood and taking on the quality of being unpredictable - the all familiar AOS (Art of Seduction) techniques applied to another womenfolk.
Let me reframe your context - you have a choice now. But from the flow of your thoughts, apparently, the crux of your choice paradoxically implied that this decision is very much depended on his choice.
Therefore, it actually leaves you with no choice but to carry on and maintain status quo.
Square one.
In fact, you might even fear to know the truth - should there be an abstruse truth of some kind. What if he only thought of this as free sex? A fuck buddy? Would that shatter your confusion outrageously or even ruin the perception of how you have always thought of your relationship with him?
Could it be such that you are the one imploring more from this, when the unofficial deal is merely just that?
Perhaps the one that adamantly refuse to move along might be you.
Perhaps he understood this critical point - your need for his companionship supercede even the need for love. In crude sense, he could barter sex for his companionship and would succeed every time he subtly threatened you emotionally with abandonment.
[quote]...But if he really ignores me I'll feel terrible and unhappy. At the same time I don't want to be hurtful[/quote]
This is the very reason why you have failed to move along these years. You have failed to resolve the internal conflicts within your inner space, that the most important component - which is SELF, is terribly afflicted with twisted definition of love, creating a scenario of you hovering back and forth between square one.
And your vulnerability is heavily being exploited my dear.
***
Why do you reckon that you must always respond or even be subjected to his 'haunting'? You mean someone can always 'haunt' you without your permission to allow them?
Your freewill, namely being your choice, decides your fate in your personal crisis. This freewill I often talks about, is independent of this knavish fellow or any other influences you are subjected to.
You are coerced to fear, hindering your process to make ANY decision because you can't seemed to leave the shoreline in search of an island that truly belongs to you.
Love is not something fleeting and ambiguous - you can actually feel it shrouding every pores of your life and not leaving you alone in despair, wondering when is the next time he's going to play ninja and vanish without a trace.
The weird thing about people in love is that they do the same thing and make the same decision over and over and over again... simultaneously expect different result.
Perhaps moving on for certain might instead be a different approach, dispelling, once and for all, this phantasmal nightmare you have been coping for years. From there, you might want to work on your SELF component.
Remember: you have the prerogative to be with a man who truly loves and appreciate you for who you are. A man... not a ninja.
Cheers
'Princess' Flower
'Princess' Flowers for Shirley! That was exactly what it was called. Hahahahahahahahahahaha!
Cheers
Aunt Agony 300607
Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:
Look at the people around you and look at the threads/posts in this forum...
What are the common misconceptions of love?
Love is a feeling like hunger is a feeling and just as when you are hungry, you have to handle that hungry feeling well... know what food to eat to stay healthy, avoid poisonous food and so on... you too must know how to handle your feelings of love well or you will be in trouble
Misconception of love is largely due to an individual's life journey. A person growing up in a disruptive domestic environment is likely to learn about love much more differently from another coming from a loving family. And of course, when you factor in karmic reasoning - our growth and cosmic lessons will differ vastly, giving rise to different attitude and perception of what love is to them.
The notion of 'misconception' is not literal; in fact, it's more likely to be a 'pseudo-reality' having to live in their own experience and suffering from the consequence of what have been presented to them. They will classify it as their version of truth in love, accepting and feeding these grime maliciously into their mindset and in turn, behaving like what their thoughts believe in.
Love is never about destiny - it's about empowerment, realization, choice and learning.
Many times, it's not so much of how much someone suffered in love - it's about how you come out of it and surmounts those challenges. Not everyone needs higher learning in love; you just need to know enough to make your relationship fulfilling.
Cheers
Look at the people around you and look at the threads/posts in this forum...
What are the common misconceptions of love?
Love is a feeling like hunger is a feeling and just as when you are hungry, you have to handle that hungry feeling well... know what food to eat to stay healthy, avoid poisonous food and so on... you too must know how to handle your feelings of love well or you will be in trouble
Misconception of love is largely due to an individual's life journey. A person growing up in a disruptive domestic environment is likely to learn about love much more differently from another coming from a loving family. And of course, when you factor in karmic reasoning - our growth and cosmic lessons will differ vastly, giving rise to different attitude and perception of what love is to them.
The notion of 'misconception' is not literal; in fact, it's more likely to be a 'pseudo-reality' having to live in their own experience and suffering from the consequence of what have been presented to them. They will classify it as their version of truth in love, accepting and feeding these grime maliciously into their mindset and in turn, behaving like what their thoughts believe in.
Love is never about destiny - it's about empowerment, realization, choice and learning.
Many times, it's not so much of how much someone suffered in love - it's about how you come out of it and surmounts those challenges. Not everyone needs higher learning in love; you just need to know enough to make your relationship fulfilling.
Cheers
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Aunt Agony 230607
Originally posted by twelfth night:
hi guys, just wondering how u guys cope with jealousy..
Everytime i see her talking to this or that guy, asking how to do this or that, jealousy just takes over me. It feels weird, but im not particularly angry or something, just frustrated at myself for being so weak(and protective?) and unable to control my emotions :cry:
btw, we are not together, still in the process of courtship.. i know u guys will say since she is not my gf, what even gives me the right to be so concern of her, but im just so confused.
Well, technically speaking you don't really have that position to feel jealous, as even you have probably stated the reason why.
And jealousy belongs to some rudimentary emotions - same level as anger - just that it's even harder to eradicate, but it's almost as destructive as anger in impact when overwhelmed.
Anyway, I doubt you have reached to such a stage. I mean everyone would be saying that jealousy is normal, but normal is not good enough a reason for it to manifest into effect. Akin to that of anger is normal, but that rationale is never good enough for me throw a punch at someone just because it's normal to feel angry.
I think the great thing about Love is that it alone will allow anyone to experience an entire gamut of emotions and humans should always learn to deal with them. But when it comes to different emotions, our ability to handle them varies according to our personality and psychological archetype.
Don't fret just yet. Learn to understand what's going in and out of your emotions and learn to study them. Then gradually engineer it in such a way that it could make your life a whole lot easier and implement it as part of your core value and mindset.
P.S: The key to evolve our emotional flaws is to work from within. Superficial solutions are usually short term and do not address the root of problem.
Cheers
hi guys, just wondering how u guys cope with jealousy..
Everytime i see her talking to this or that guy, asking how to do this or that, jealousy just takes over me. It feels weird, but im not particularly angry or something, just frustrated at myself for being so weak(and protective?) and unable to control my emotions :cry:
btw, we are not together, still in the process of courtship.. i know u guys will say since she is not my gf, what even gives me the right to be so concern of her, but im just so confused.
Well, technically speaking you don't really have that position to feel jealous, as even you have probably stated the reason why.
And jealousy belongs to some rudimentary emotions - same level as anger - just that it's even harder to eradicate, but it's almost as destructive as anger in impact when overwhelmed.
Anyway, I doubt you have reached to such a stage. I mean everyone would be saying that jealousy is normal, but normal is not good enough a reason for it to manifest into effect. Akin to that of anger is normal, but that rationale is never good enough for me throw a punch at someone just because it's normal to feel angry.
I think the great thing about Love is that it alone will allow anyone to experience an entire gamut of emotions and humans should always learn to deal with them. But when it comes to different emotions, our ability to handle them varies according to our personality and psychological archetype.
Don't fret just yet. Learn to understand what's going in and out of your emotions and learn to study them. Then gradually engineer it in such a way that it could make your life a whole lot easier and implement it as part of your core value and mindset.
P.S: The key to evolve our emotional flaws is to work from within. Superficial solutions are usually short term and do not address the root of problem.
Cheers
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Aunt Agony 210607
Originally posted by snorlex:
recently i fall for a girl but i also have a girlfriend which is at oversea studying right now. we have been together bout 5 years. at first i tot the feeling for that girl is just temporary, after awhile it will fade. but never know that the feeling is getting stronger & stronger upon time. i consider & reconsider which side should i drop. both seem like really really important to me & i cant let go either 1 of them. i also dunno why i have such a strong feeling for that girl, she not pretty & nothing special. but when ever i see her just got the feeling like want to protect her something like that. is just feel great when being with her. for my girlfriend, she is just like my everything. i love her more than anything else. now me n the girl like calling each other dear but she not my girlfriend or anything. i got asked her if we can be togther b4 but she dun want coz i have a gf. one of the day i was like really drunk & she send me home then she kissed me on the lips wat does that mean? i really confuse now.. dunno wat to do. lost my direction.
It's easy to cheat on our partners - much more effortless if she is out of country.
What will you do if you know that you could cheat on her and still 'get away' with it? Because from the way your situation has flowed into, that could turn out to be a possibility eventually.
You are indeed playing with fire when you addressed her flagrantly as 'dear'. Flippant words may be cheap, but reiterated message over a period of time strengthens a belief gradually. Now that your worst nightmare has escalates beyond your control, look closer - probably this 'nightmare' might be a real wish after all.
I do understand your astronomical void and emotional restlessness when your Significant Other is not around physically to tender those sensitive needs. But from certain angles, this is exactly what differentiates a great relationship from 'the others'.
An LDR (long distance relationship) is relative difficult. In fact, it is a fallacious promise for any relationship to succeed in LDR, challenging even for the best of love. Sure, some might just barely kept their breath above water, but looking at statistics, your kind of plight is THE most common reason why LDR fails.
Do note that I am not advocating civil and moral lessons on the necessity to be loyal at all cost because it's a matter of choice. You have your own needs and such subconscious absence might prove to be a little too much for you to bear.
Retrograde and remain alone for the time being. You probably need that sort of environment to introspect and decide what you want. It's better to face your feelings right now, then to play passive and wait until everything implodes into some love tragedy.
You mentioned that you lost your direction? Who knows? In the process, you might have lost your heart too.
Cheers
recently i fall for a girl but i also have a girlfriend which is at oversea studying right now. we have been together bout 5 years. at first i tot the feeling for that girl is just temporary, after awhile it will fade. but never know that the feeling is getting stronger & stronger upon time. i consider & reconsider which side should i drop. both seem like really really important to me & i cant let go either 1 of them. i also dunno why i have such a strong feeling for that girl, she not pretty & nothing special. but when ever i see her just got the feeling like want to protect her something like that. is just feel great when being with her. for my girlfriend, she is just like my everything. i love her more than anything else. now me n the girl like calling each other dear but she not my girlfriend or anything. i got asked her if we can be togther b4 but she dun want coz i have a gf. one of the day i was like really drunk & she send me home then she kissed me on the lips wat does that mean? i really confuse now.. dunno wat to do. lost my direction.
It's easy to cheat on our partners - much more effortless if she is out of country.
What will you do if you know that you could cheat on her and still 'get away' with it? Because from the way your situation has flowed into, that could turn out to be a possibility eventually.
You are indeed playing with fire when you addressed her flagrantly as 'dear'. Flippant words may be cheap, but reiterated message over a period of time strengthens a belief gradually. Now that your worst nightmare has escalates beyond your control, look closer - probably this 'nightmare' might be a real wish after all.
I do understand your astronomical void and emotional restlessness when your Significant Other is not around physically to tender those sensitive needs. But from certain angles, this is exactly what differentiates a great relationship from 'the others'.
An LDR (long distance relationship) is relative difficult. In fact, it is a fallacious promise for any relationship to succeed in LDR, challenging even for the best of love. Sure, some might just barely kept their breath above water, but looking at statistics, your kind of plight is THE most common reason why LDR fails.
Do note that I am not advocating civil and moral lessons on the necessity to be loyal at all cost because it's a matter of choice. You have your own needs and such subconscious absence might prove to be a little too much for you to bear.
Retrograde and remain alone for the time being. You probably need that sort of environment to introspect and decide what you want. It's better to face your feelings right now, then to play passive and wait until everything implodes into some love tragedy.
You mentioned that you lost your direction? Who knows? In the process, you might have lost your heart too.
Cheers
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Aunt Agony II 170607
Originally posted by Tian Long Jiu Bu:
I recently stead with a ger who like me since we was sec 2. Tat was like 3-4 yrs ago. We like each other last time. I try to hold her hand but she once like reject.
Then this yr, after we went to a classmate house for CNY, we realise we still have feeling for each others. So we started le. Until now, is abt 3 mth le. We keep thinking abt our future le. I put in alot effort in this relationship. But @ first, her mum disapprove of us. Cos the main reason is cos she is from JC and i am from ITE. But now, she is okay le. But can still see tat she is still a little sad ba. She say our education gap to big.
But she say if i continue into poly, then it will be alright. Which i am willing to do.
My gf is vv close toward her guy friend and everytime i noe, i wil get jealous. But i try to control le. Now a guy who once like her kep calling her and she nvr ans. But he just nvr stop de lo.. She told me everytime when he call her. Wad can i do?
Sometimes i felt tat she is happier when she is with her friend. But she say no. She was jus acting to be happy infront of them. She is the type who duno how to think abt others feeling. Jus do wad she feel like doing.
Got any advice on wad i can and should do?
Precisely - what can you do if your competitor tries to launch a 'marketing campaign' to promote themselves? Obviously you are insecure; not just because he is a competitor, but also, his positioning is probably perceived as 'better brand' than yours.
Seriously, don't fret over things that are beyond your control, namely external factors. Gather your resources and focus on what you could manipulate - which is yourself.
If you kept segmenting yourself as the bottom tier system of our screwed education system - ITE as It's The End - you will probably live in that brand for the rest of your life. Then when you get jealous due to insecurity, you are likely to tighten your grip on your love and over the time, this will hurt your relationship.
You might think that you are not good enough, but actually it's because you do not understand yourself well enough to play your cards strategically.
The ball is in your court - only you can make her see if she has made a right choice by sticking with you. And as long as it becomes a reality... as long as you gradually improve your 'brand' and become more 'marketable' - your positioning will improve.
Cheers
I recently stead with a ger who like me since we was sec 2. Tat was like 3-4 yrs ago. We like each other last time. I try to hold her hand but she once like reject.
Then this yr, after we went to a classmate house for CNY, we realise we still have feeling for each others. So we started le. Until now, is abt 3 mth le. We keep thinking abt our future le. I put in alot effort in this relationship. But @ first, her mum disapprove of us. Cos the main reason is cos she is from JC and i am from ITE. But now, she is okay le. But can still see tat she is still a little sad ba. She say our education gap to big.
But she say if i continue into poly, then it will be alright. Which i am willing to do.
My gf is vv close toward her guy friend and everytime i noe, i wil get jealous. But i try to control le. Now a guy who once like her kep calling her and she nvr ans. But he just nvr stop de lo.. She told me everytime when he call her. Wad can i do?
Sometimes i felt tat she is happier when she is with her friend. But she say no. She was jus acting to be happy infront of them. She is the type who duno how to think abt others feeling. Jus do wad she feel like doing.
Got any advice on wad i can and should do?
Precisely - what can you do if your competitor tries to launch a 'marketing campaign' to promote themselves? Obviously you are insecure; not just because he is a competitor, but also, his positioning is probably perceived as 'better brand' than yours.
Seriously, don't fret over things that are beyond your control, namely external factors. Gather your resources and focus on what you could manipulate - which is yourself.
If you kept segmenting yourself as the bottom tier system of our screwed education system - ITE as It's The End - you will probably live in that brand for the rest of your life. Then when you get jealous due to insecurity, you are likely to tighten your grip on your love and over the time, this will hurt your relationship.
You might think that you are not good enough, but actually it's because you do not understand yourself well enough to play your cards strategically.
The ball is in your court - only you can make her see if she has made a right choice by sticking with you. And as long as it becomes a reality... as long as you gradually improve your 'brand' and become more 'marketable' - your positioning will improve.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 170607
Originally posted by oakley1976:
I (currently 32 yrs of age) have known this particular girl for almost 5 years. She (currently 29 yrs of age) is a very nice, thoughtful, pretty and caring. Through this 5 years we enjoyed each others company. Spend alot of our time together. Sometimes I sleep over at her place, whenever time is in favour. Come 3 and a half years of our relationship, I popped the question, asking for her hand in marriage. She mentioned that she is not prepared and not ready to commit, not because she comes from a broken family or had bad experience before. Relative and friends of ours are in favour. Finally abt a year ago, she decided to go ahead with the wedding plans.
We talked alot and decided to live together with my family and have the ROM in the first week of June 07. She and I were looking forward to the big day.
All arrangements has been made; JP, venue of ROM, invited guest, catering, ROM gown, flowers... everything... even collected the cert from ROM.
Then 3 days just before the ROM, she decided to call it off... She says she is not ready. She mentioned that she feels obliged to get married rather than wanting to get married.
She says that it is not my fault. She mentioned have been good to her and it is more than she asked for. She knows that I have been wanting to start a family with her but she is not ready and she also mentioned that she might not even want to get married...
The wedding day is over.
I met her 2 times to talk about the current state of our relationship. She mentioned that she needed time to think... needed 6 months or even longer... or even never to come to a solution. She added that during this period she wants me to seek for better pasture... and does not promise that we could be an item again.
I do not know how to discribe our current state of our relationship. She does still address me as baby, shows concern for me, sents me SMS/ MMS like we used to...
I may sound childish in this... I was allowed to hold her hand and stroke it not allowed to interlock our hands together...
I actually am at a lost of what to do of our relationship...
Her only explaination was that she is afraid to get married... with no deeper reason why...
Her 2 ex-bf had treated her badly. Not spending enough time with her, asking her for money.
During this past 5 years... I have always been assuring her and been faithful to her. As time went by my world revolves around her. Spending much of our time together when we are free.
Now that we are taking this time off. I feel like a part of myself missing.
She told me that she knows that I have been good to her and she could not find anyone else that treats her so well. If she is to go through this ROM it will be more of a obligation rather than love. And there is no other guys in her life currently. She asked me to look for other pastures during this cooling off period... I was dishearten. If I meant so much to her why would she asked me to look for other pastures...
I also have another interpretion of her asking me to look for other pastures... I worried that it might be as she does not want to hurt me so badly now... hopefully it does not hurt that much in 6 months.
I feel for your situation, although I must say that you never did fully understand her psyche, despite leading the relationship for five years.
She began her love life like an immaculate sheet of drawing paper. After two intensive relationships, the artwork left by 'previous artists' is nothing but an entire page of gruesome black paint. Then you appeared in her life, determined to change the outlook of it and started painting different shades of red, blue, green and yellow.
But eventually you realised that the colours you introduced wasn't vibrant, but instead darkened under the initial ebony layering. No matter how you tried painting, it never produced the result you desired.
This is how you have led your relationship of 5 years: merely being a good boyfriend is like desperately trying to splash colours over black; the result will surely differ compared to a white background. Her unfathomable reaction to null the marriage is because you are unable to remove the black coating and thus allowing it to crystallize maliciously from within.
Because of that, your years of goodwill and love ricocheted off her heart, completely shielded, like an adamant plate-mail, capable of warding any love you dedicate to her.
But imho, that still could only be half the story.
She seemed to display a classic example of someone brandishing an unloving core belief being in a loving relationship. Her paranoia towards marriage is seen as an affliction in love, often manifest in people with unstable domestic environment or negative influence from divorce-induced parental marriage. They are psychologically conditioned to a fact that they are unloving and even if they are given something good for once, their mind are unable to accept that sort of possibility, thus subconsciously, they will script some kind of histrionic plot, acting as a self fulfilling prophesy to prove their point - shown from the fact that she is blatantly 'advising' you to find other woman.
***
You may not have to lose this relationship - you probably need to play your cards strategically.
A six month time off is a high risk affair in which I will not advocate. Even Venus square Moon in synastry only suggest short periodic time off; a lengthy version is more often than not a red herring and by the end of the 'agreement', she would probably upgrade this to a permanent contract and sayonara.
After all, I am betting on the fact that she is reconsidering the marital proposal, but not entirely the relationship. If you could sell the concept of 'getting-together-yet-simultaneously-having-all-the-freedom-and-time-to-think' and null the time off, I reckon it's more advantageous in that manoeuvre. Just take great care to avoid the marital pressure issue.
If you can't do it alone, get her best friend to your assistance (or anybody you know that could exert influence on her).
Once there, reach into her soul and try to remove the black taint. Much deep communication and understanding is needed. Believe me, it will be arduous, but if you can avoid triggering the land mines and succeed, things might just turn out well in the future.
Let love talk the walk and walk the talk.
Cheers
I (currently 32 yrs of age) have known this particular girl for almost 5 years. She (currently 29 yrs of age) is a very nice, thoughtful, pretty and caring. Through this 5 years we enjoyed each others company. Spend alot of our time together. Sometimes I sleep over at her place, whenever time is in favour. Come 3 and a half years of our relationship, I popped the question, asking for her hand in marriage. She mentioned that she is not prepared and not ready to commit, not because she comes from a broken family or had bad experience before. Relative and friends of ours are in favour. Finally abt a year ago, she decided to go ahead with the wedding plans.
We talked alot and decided to live together with my family and have the ROM in the first week of June 07. She and I were looking forward to the big day.
All arrangements has been made; JP, venue of ROM, invited guest, catering, ROM gown, flowers... everything... even collected the cert from ROM.
Then 3 days just before the ROM, she decided to call it off... She says she is not ready. She mentioned that she feels obliged to get married rather than wanting to get married.
She says that it is not my fault. She mentioned have been good to her and it is more than she asked for. She knows that I have been wanting to start a family with her but she is not ready and she also mentioned that she might not even want to get married...
The wedding day is over.
I met her 2 times to talk about the current state of our relationship. She mentioned that she needed time to think... needed 6 months or even longer... or even never to come to a solution. She added that during this period she wants me to seek for better pasture... and does not promise that we could be an item again.
I do not know how to discribe our current state of our relationship. She does still address me as baby, shows concern for me, sents me SMS/ MMS like we used to...
I may sound childish in this... I was allowed to hold her hand and stroke it not allowed to interlock our hands together...
I actually am at a lost of what to do of our relationship...
Her only explaination was that she is afraid to get married... with no deeper reason why...
Her 2 ex-bf had treated her badly. Not spending enough time with her, asking her for money.
During this past 5 years... I have always been assuring her and been faithful to her. As time went by my world revolves around her. Spending much of our time together when we are free.
Now that we are taking this time off. I feel like a part of myself missing.
She told me that she knows that I have been good to her and she could not find anyone else that treats her so well. If she is to go through this ROM it will be more of a obligation rather than love. And there is no other guys in her life currently. She asked me to look for other pastures during this cooling off period... I was dishearten. If I meant so much to her why would she asked me to look for other pastures...
I also have another interpretion of her asking me to look for other pastures... I worried that it might be as she does not want to hurt me so badly now... hopefully it does not hurt that much in 6 months.
I feel for your situation, although I must say that you never did fully understand her psyche, despite leading the relationship for five years.
She began her love life like an immaculate sheet of drawing paper. After two intensive relationships, the artwork left by 'previous artists' is nothing but an entire page of gruesome black paint. Then you appeared in her life, determined to change the outlook of it and started painting different shades of red, blue, green and yellow.
But eventually you realised that the colours you introduced wasn't vibrant, but instead darkened under the initial ebony layering. No matter how you tried painting, it never produced the result you desired.
This is how you have led your relationship of 5 years: merely being a good boyfriend is like desperately trying to splash colours over black; the result will surely differ compared to a white background. Her unfathomable reaction to null the marriage is because you are unable to remove the black coating and thus allowing it to crystallize maliciously from within.
Because of that, your years of goodwill and love ricocheted off her heart, completely shielded, like an adamant plate-mail, capable of warding any love you dedicate to her.
But imho, that still could only be half the story.
She seemed to display a classic example of someone brandishing an unloving core belief being in a loving relationship. Her paranoia towards marriage is seen as an affliction in love, often manifest in people with unstable domestic environment or negative influence from divorce-induced parental marriage. They are psychologically conditioned to a fact that they are unloving and even if they are given something good for once, their mind are unable to accept that sort of possibility, thus subconsciously, they will script some kind of histrionic plot, acting as a self fulfilling prophesy to prove their point - shown from the fact that she is blatantly 'advising' you to find other woman.
***
You may not have to lose this relationship - you probably need to play your cards strategically.
A six month time off is a high risk affair in which I will not advocate. Even Venus square Moon in synastry only suggest short periodic time off; a lengthy version is more often than not a red herring and by the end of the 'agreement', she would probably upgrade this to a permanent contract and sayonara.
After all, I am betting on the fact that she is reconsidering the marital proposal, but not entirely the relationship. If you could sell the concept of 'getting-together-yet-simultaneously-having-all-the-freedom-and-time-to-think' and null the time off, I reckon it's more advantageous in that manoeuvre. Just take great care to avoid the marital pressure issue.
If you can't do it alone, get her best friend to your assistance (or anybody you know that could exert influence on her).
Once there, reach into her soul and try to remove the black taint. Much deep communication and understanding is needed. Believe me, it will be arduous, but if you can avoid triggering the land mines and succeed, things might just turn out well in the future.
Let love talk the walk and walk the talk.
Cheers
Friday, June 15, 2007
GL Douglas
Good luck Douglas.
You are going to be the lowest life form in SAF in a few hours time. Enjoy your final civilian moments.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Aunt Agony 140607
Originally posted by thelesis:
I truly don't understand my girlfriend... how can she break up with me who've been faithful to her for 4years. We known each other for 7years and yet now, she just said "this is my attitude that causes the problem" I was like "huh, dun tell me you dun have weakness mah" a relationship should just give and take. Appreciate his/her weakness... "although i like to check on her what she is doing but what i do is to prove that I do care for her... what did i do wrong to deserve this?
I think most of the guys are more faithful on relationship than girls..
It's funny how relationship always seemed to have the ability to fly on auto-pilot, only to crash in midair.
Amid the outcry, an investigation is conducted - more often than not, it was only then realised that the crash-factors surfaced long ago.
Neither alarm raised nor warning given. All were quiet and assuming.
And when the signs are certain, it's all too late.
You have to understand that everything happens for a reason - surely a relationship would also cease to exist if there are 'conditions' suffice for 'death' to occur. Though we can't reverse time to undo our errors, but at the 'point of death', you can perform an 'autopsy' on your relationship in order to determine the underlying cause/s.
Seriously, when relationships only have the length of relationship to boast, sometimes, that may be the only thing positive about the relationships. Like a scavenging ghoul, yes it does 'appear alive', but inside, it's pretty much inane and unwholesome, fueled by the crackling of some unholy energy that does not belong to the natural essence of life.
If love was life itself, then human is the perfect embodiment of what a good relationship would be. To remove the love in the relationship is akin to removing life from a human - nothing but a walking dead.
You are too accustomed in your comfort zone. Sure, you have to compromise in any relationships, but when that becomes a convenient excuse not to strive for self evolution towards enlightenment and the better of oneself, it's truly only an excuse. A lazy one in fact.
You mentioned that it's because you care that's why you conducted checks on her?
Or is it because you are insecure that's why checks are needed? Or should I say you probably only initiate things that subconsciously seek to appease or benefit your emotional state?
You ended your statement by claiming that guys are technically more faithful than woman. Actually, you are implying that what you did is right and needs no amendments, surreptitiously shifting blames to women as a whole.
Perhaps when you decide to practice humility and humbly learn what Love wants of you, you will one day understand why your woman left. Remember, everything happens for a reason - this is of no exception.
Cheers
I truly don't understand my girlfriend... how can she break up with me who've been faithful to her for 4years. We known each other for 7years and yet now, she just said "this is my attitude that causes the problem" I was like "huh, dun tell me you dun have weakness mah" a relationship should just give and take. Appreciate his/her weakness... "although i like to check on her what she is doing but what i do is to prove that I do care for her... what did i do wrong to deserve this?
I think most of the guys are more faithful on relationship than girls..
It's funny how relationship always seemed to have the ability to fly on auto-pilot, only to crash in midair.
Amid the outcry, an investigation is conducted - more often than not, it was only then realised that the crash-factors surfaced long ago.
Neither alarm raised nor warning given. All were quiet and assuming.
And when the signs are certain, it's all too late.
You have to understand that everything happens for a reason - surely a relationship would also cease to exist if there are 'conditions' suffice for 'death' to occur. Though we can't reverse time to undo our errors, but at the 'point of death', you can perform an 'autopsy' on your relationship in order to determine the underlying cause/s.
Seriously, when relationships only have the length of relationship to boast, sometimes, that may be the only thing positive about the relationships. Like a scavenging ghoul, yes it does 'appear alive', but inside, it's pretty much inane and unwholesome, fueled by the crackling of some unholy energy that does not belong to the natural essence of life.
If love was life itself, then human is the perfect embodiment of what a good relationship would be. To remove the love in the relationship is akin to removing life from a human - nothing but a walking dead.
You are too accustomed in your comfort zone. Sure, you have to compromise in any relationships, but when that becomes a convenient excuse not to strive for self evolution towards enlightenment and the better of oneself, it's truly only an excuse. A lazy one in fact.
You mentioned that it's because you care that's why you conducted checks on her?
Or is it because you are insecure that's why checks are needed? Or should I say you probably only initiate things that subconsciously seek to appease or benefit your emotional state?
You ended your statement by claiming that guys are technically more faithful than woman. Actually, you are implying that what you did is right and needs no amendments, surreptitiously shifting blames to women as a whole.
Perhaps when you decide to practice humility and humbly learn what Love wants of you, you will one day understand why your woman left. Remember, everything happens for a reason - this is of no exception.
Cheers
Dilemma
This thing has been plaguing me for years.
Should I pursue a degree in Social Work?
/me think hard.
Should I pursue a degree in Social Work?
/me think hard.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
OF Tarot Stickers
Original Fake Tarot Stickers!
Thanks to the guy at Ambush! ^_^ (I think his name is Alvin).
Woohoooo~~
Cheers
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Aunt Agony 100607
Originally posted by MooKu:
Just to those with parents whose marriages have failed - either separated, divorced or merely maintaining the marriage for peace's sake or reasons other than love...
How've your relationships been so far? In general, I mean. Friendships, romantic relationships... As rocky? Or relatively smooth-sailing (like general folk)?
I just wanna hear... that's all. If it's not convenient to reply, then just keep it to yourself - it's perfectly alright.
Don't let a chaotic domestic environment tie you down. Seriously.
It's insane trying to enlighten people, who have been vastly tainted repeatedly over a long stretch of time, learning twisted version of love from negative sources - the very source that they reckoned as 'reality'.
These 'realities' knitted and form part of their core beliefs - which will mimic the underlying elements of the negative sources which they first model after, resulting a bottomless pit cycle.
To lift from this curse, one has to dug deep into their soul and learn to understand their own psyche. Though we can't change our external environment, but surely we could do something about ourselves. And as we amend ourselves, we subtly affect and influence our external environment and our destiny changes.
Don't get bedraggled by the negative stories of failed marriage and relationship. Instead, speak to couples with successful relationship and uncover their secret.
Cheers
Just to those with parents whose marriages have failed - either separated, divorced or merely maintaining the marriage for peace's sake or reasons other than love...
How've your relationships been so far? In general, I mean. Friendships, romantic relationships... As rocky? Or relatively smooth-sailing (like general folk)?
I just wanna hear... that's all. If it's not convenient to reply, then just keep it to yourself - it's perfectly alright.
Don't let a chaotic domestic environment tie you down. Seriously.
It's insane trying to enlighten people, who have been vastly tainted repeatedly over a long stretch of time, learning twisted version of love from negative sources - the very source that they reckoned as 'reality'.
These 'realities' knitted and form part of their core beliefs - which will mimic the underlying elements of the negative sources which they first model after, resulting a bottomless pit cycle.
To lift from this curse, one has to dug deep into their soul and learn to understand their own psyche. Though we can't change our external environment, but surely we could do something about ourselves. And as we amend ourselves, we subtly affect and influence our external environment and our destiny changes.
Don't get bedraggled by the negative stories of failed marriage and relationship. Instead, speak to couples with successful relationship and uncover their secret.
Cheers
Saturday, June 09, 2007
Kaws Dissected Companion Figurines
To celebrate Original Fake’s recent 1st year anniversary, KAWS had a very limited run of 20 bronze dissected Companions created. 10 were released to the public and 10 created as artist proofs. Under the watchful eye of master craftsmen in Japan, these 22lbs/10kg statues feature a sharp black shine. The statue itself includes a special KAWS hand-painted coffin box. (Taken from hypebeast).
Aunt Agony III 090607
Originally posted by rainee:
Personally I feel very strongly towards this...I usually dont go after someone once I know they are attached. Doesnt matter whether they are married or are in a relationship, I just don't have the heart to be the third party. So it doesn't matter how attractive the guy is, once I know he is taken, I am steering my way clear of him and will just see him as a close friend at most.
What about you? What is the limit you set? :mrgreen: Just curious to know hehe :P
Three key points that decide the outcome of a person's relationship:
i) Emotional development (which includes early childhood to relationship experience)
ii) Natal chart showing influence and tendency of innate growth and vulnerability.
iii) Karmic/cosmic lessons
It was said that if all the accounting records in the world is accurate (which is impossible), all records will tally... both debit and credit.
Spiritually, we all have our own cosmic account of debit and credit. How the payment is done is through circumstantial triggering, resulting in action and reaction, choice and option, then consequence and effect.
And if every human plays on the role of the 'I would not go after someone who is attached' - in spiritual accounting, it makes no utter sense because who is going to 'provide the circumstance for payment'?
It doesn't matter who believes in what - what critically matters is 'what role are you playing?' – Are you a provider of lesson/s or are you a receiver of lessons?
Let me illustrate an example:
A third party guy (let's called him A) 'invades' a relationship and succeed. The victim, which is the guy who got dumped (let's called him C), realised that the failure of his relationship is due to neglect. C learns the lesson and move on.
Effectively, A provides a lesson to C and C receives a lesson from A - account balanced.
In reality, a whole lot more things are happening simultaneously. The above example contains only but a rudimentary gist of what I want to say, but does not represent a full picture/explanation as a whole. CloUdiSm has a defined complex model to this, but I won't bore everyone with all my shit because it is so theoretical.
Bottom line is that all is fair in love and war. A successful invasion does not mean that the attack was superior, it could jolly well means that the defence is already feeble.
Cheers
Personally I feel very strongly towards this...I usually dont go after someone once I know they are attached. Doesnt matter whether they are married or are in a relationship, I just don't have the heart to be the third party. So it doesn't matter how attractive the guy is, once I know he is taken, I am steering my way clear of him and will just see him as a close friend at most.
What about you? What is the limit you set? :mrgreen: Just curious to know hehe :P
Three key points that decide the outcome of a person's relationship:
i) Emotional development (which includes early childhood to relationship experience)
ii) Natal chart showing influence and tendency of innate growth and vulnerability.
iii) Karmic/cosmic lessons
It was said that if all the accounting records in the world is accurate (which is impossible), all records will tally... both debit and credit.
Spiritually, we all have our own cosmic account of debit and credit. How the payment is done is through circumstantial triggering, resulting in action and reaction, choice and option, then consequence and effect.
And if every human plays on the role of the 'I would not go after someone who is attached' - in spiritual accounting, it makes no utter sense because who is going to 'provide the circumstance for payment'?
It doesn't matter who believes in what - what critically matters is 'what role are you playing?' – Are you a provider of lesson/s or are you a receiver of lessons?
Let me illustrate an example:
A third party guy (let's called him A) 'invades' a relationship and succeed. The victim, which is the guy who got dumped (let's called him C), realised that the failure of his relationship is due to neglect. C learns the lesson and move on.
Effectively, A provides a lesson to C and C receives a lesson from A - account balanced.
In reality, a whole lot more things are happening simultaneously. The above example contains only but a rudimentary gist of what I want to say, but does not represent a full picture/explanation as a whole. CloUdiSm has a defined complex model to this, but I won't bore everyone with all my shit because it is so theoretical.
Bottom line is that all is fair in love and war. A successful invasion does not mean that the attack was superior, it could jolly well means that the defence is already feeble.
Cheers
Aunt Agony II 090607
Originally posted by Uncertain:
I am a 21 years old with no successful BGR before but with 3 unsuccessful confessions.... : I am feeling rather dejected by this. I know there are others out there who suffer much worse fate than me (after reading through the AA forum) but i am starting to feel lethargic about relationship. I admit i get attracted to pretty girls easily but because of my look and past experience, I always try to refrain myself from liking them. To prevent them from being kind to me which always give me false hope, i will act like a jerk to them but not to the extent that i am so resentful (still can be normal friend that kind). The 3 confessions i made to the girls is because they are just being nice to me, then i thought they like me (but i also like them too la). Now i am going to UNI soon, i am wondering i should go for the orientation cos i hear from my senior that you will get to know a lot of people there, especially chio bu. I am scared of falling in love again, i rather to be single than to be hurted again. Now that i am no longer feeling much for girl (dun say i gay, i hate them to the core, i rather be a virgin till i die than to be a gay), i am reverting back to my true self now (no longer acting like a jerk) as i dun like to wear a mask if i can afford to. Despite saying all this, i am yielding that one day i can get a really good girlfriend so that i won't leave this earth with any regret. Sian..... Sry but i just wanna grumble....
If it dawns to you by now, you actually have a modus operendi when it comes to the dating game and it has transformed itself into a vicious cycle which you have failed to identify, resulting in several bungles and botched-attempts of similar fashion over and over again.
The greatest factor why you always fail in love is largely due to your mindset - without a doubt, all failures fed themselves with this mindset - the concept of fear, which beget the outcome of insecurity and exude a 'push-factor aura' to woman around you.
The very facade that you brandished turns woman away and ironically, the reason why you initially garbed that notion is due to the fear of rejection. Paradoxically, you actually produce a 'solution' that inevitably contributes to your destruction and failures. Ego-crushed, you retreated and reiterated this ideology, then even when waves of failures trampled whatever esteem you have beyond fragments, you regress further and still persisted.
Though you may have switched your targets; it all ended up in the same backwash.
It's never a sin to fall in love, but surely, if you do hope for any chance of a genuine relationship, you got to be genuine yourself and be natural. Secondly, rejection is not a consequence of your run-of-the-mill appearance - much have to do with your personality. IMHO, you mentioned that you can't handle rejection; I reckon you can't handle affection as well. Generally, people are nice and if they are just being friendly and you find yourself hastily falling in love with whoever that treats you nicely, you are just going to spoil the broth even if there's only one cook.
Hold your horses and hang on for just a moment. Relationship with woman is not just BGR - learn to develop it first before you level up.
Cheers
I am a 21 years old with no successful BGR before but with 3 unsuccessful confessions.... : I am feeling rather dejected by this. I know there are others out there who suffer much worse fate than me (after reading through the AA forum) but i am starting to feel lethargic about relationship. I admit i get attracted to pretty girls easily but because of my look and past experience, I always try to refrain myself from liking them. To prevent them from being kind to me which always give me false hope, i will act like a jerk to them but not to the extent that i am so resentful (still can be normal friend that kind). The 3 confessions i made to the girls is because they are just being nice to me, then i thought they like me (but i also like them too la). Now i am going to UNI soon, i am wondering i should go for the orientation cos i hear from my senior that you will get to know a lot of people there, especially chio bu. I am scared of falling in love again, i rather to be single than to be hurted again. Now that i am no longer feeling much for girl (dun say i gay, i hate them to the core, i rather be a virgin till i die than to be a gay), i am reverting back to my true self now (no longer acting like a jerk) as i dun like to wear a mask if i can afford to. Despite saying all this, i am yielding that one day i can get a really good girlfriend so that i won't leave this earth with any regret. Sian..... Sry but i just wanna grumble....
If it dawns to you by now, you actually have a modus operendi when it comes to the dating game and it has transformed itself into a vicious cycle which you have failed to identify, resulting in several bungles and botched-attempts of similar fashion over and over again.
The greatest factor why you always fail in love is largely due to your mindset - without a doubt, all failures fed themselves with this mindset - the concept of fear, which beget the outcome of insecurity and exude a 'push-factor aura' to woman around you.
The very facade that you brandished turns woman away and ironically, the reason why you initially garbed that notion is due to the fear of rejection. Paradoxically, you actually produce a 'solution' that inevitably contributes to your destruction and failures. Ego-crushed, you retreated and reiterated this ideology, then even when waves of failures trampled whatever esteem you have beyond fragments, you regress further and still persisted.
Though you may have switched your targets; it all ended up in the same backwash.
It's never a sin to fall in love, but surely, if you do hope for any chance of a genuine relationship, you got to be genuine yourself and be natural. Secondly, rejection is not a consequence of your run-of-the-mill appearance - much have to do with your personality. IMHO, you mentioned that you can't handle rejection; I reckon you can't handle affection as well. Generally, people are nice and if they are just being friendly and you find yourself hastily falling in love with whoever that treats you nicely, you are just going to spoil the broth even if there's only one cook.
Hold your horses and hang on for just a moment. Relationship with woman is not just BGR - learn to develop it first before you level up.
Cheers
Aunt Agony 090607
Originally posted by vice_edge:
hi im kinda of in a fix. between choosing between 2 girls..
first is A , i met her during the jc first 3 mnths and she was the same og as me. as soon i no her , i feel that i had a crush on her and felt tat she was the one. i confess to her before but didn't ( forgot the reason ). She treats her frens like gold and she frequently hangout with girls only i found out. And now we are both in the poly but diff. course , i sms her but she seldom reply .. but i do realli like her alot.
next is B, met her during my amths tuition last time . she is realli cheerful and is the kind of mummy's girl. i always like to chat with her on phone but the prob is her mum.. her mum does not allow her to go out with any of her frens except church fren cos the mum no all the church frens she has...
Both girls to me are realli nice ppl, but they r not chio realli when my frens saw their face but to me , i look on the inside not the outside.. so ya im in a fix... got studies to manage.. plus i not rich, lanky and got the small boy nerd look . im quite shy in front A but when it comes to my frens and B im quite open.. though i didn't successfully jio A but i stil miss her alot but im confused when i think of B..
i dun realli no alot of ppl cos im quite introvert since young only no how to stay at home and mug.. besides got some dumb scholarship to maintain.. but im a single child plus parents retiring soon n i like 16... soon need to sure get attached de. Can any1 provide me some advice appreciate ur help thx :cry:
None of the two girls have responded your affection.
So technically is not a choice between two - you have many other choices outside them; you only choose to limit yourself.
Not that you can't pick your liking among the two, but it seemed to me that you are more inclined to that of a 'market shopping' to see which deal can strike first or is better than the other.
Can we technically 'shop for love?' - it's for you to judge.
[quote]...n i like 16... soon need to sure get attached de[/quote]
Who says when you reached age of 16, you probably need to be attached? Of course I am not advocating you to have your first girlfriend at age of 35 if you can possibly avoid it, but why do you need to incarcerate yourself with your chronological age?
Therefore, it's pretty much the 'thing' that you want as you see it as an age-related need and not actual influence from Love itself.
Self evaluate - your confusion stem from not knowing yourself and your affection. As what Sun Tzu says 'He who has a thorough knowledge of himself and the enemy is bound to win in all battles.'
Cheers
hi im kinda of in a fix. between choosing between 2 girls..
first is A , i met her during the jc first 3 mnths and she was the same og as me. as soon i no her , i feel that i had a crush on her and felt tat she was the one. i confess to her before but didn't ( forgot the reason ). She treats her frens like gold and she frequently hangout with girls only i found out. And now we are both in the poly but diff. course , i sms her but she seldom reply .. but i do realli like her alot.
next is B, met her during my amths tuition last time . she is realli cheerful and is the kind of mummy's girl. i always like to chat with her on phone but the prob is her mum.. her mum does not allow her to go out with any of her frens except church fren cos the mum no all the church frens she has...
Both girls to me are realli nice ppl, but they r not chio realli when my frens saw their face but to me , i look on the inside not the outside.. so ya im in a fix... got studies to manage.. plus i not rich, lanky and got the small boy nerd look . im quite shy in front A but when it comes to my frens and B im quite open.. though i didn't successfully jio A but i stil miss her alot but im confused when i think of B..
i dun realli no alot of ppl cos im quite introvert since young only no how to stay at home and mug.. besides got some dumb scholarship to maintain.. but im a single child plus parents retiring soon n i like 16... soon need to sure get attached de. Can any1 provide me some advice appreciate ur help thx :cry:
None of the two girls have responded your affection.
So technically is not a choice between two - you have many other choices outside them; you only choose to limit yourself.
Not that you can't pick your liking among the two, but it seemed to me that you are more inclined to that of a 'market shopping' to see which deal can strike first or is better than the other.
Can we technically 'shop for love?' - it's for you to judge.
[quote]...n i like 16... soon need to sure get attached de[/quote]
Who says when you reached age of 16, you probably need to be attached? Of course I am not advocating you to have your first girlfriend at age of 35 if you can possibly avoid it, but why do you need to incarcerate yourself with your chronological age?
Therefore, it's pretty much the 'thing' that you want as you see it as an age-related need and not actual influence from Love itself.
Self evaluate - your confusion stem from not knowing yourself and your affection. As what Sun Tzu says 'He who has a thorough knowledge of himself and the enemy is bound to win in all battles.'
Cheers
Saturday, June 02, 2007
The Card, the Book and the Photo
Current infatuation? Card tricks! I just got a Tally-Ho deck; probably one of the premium decks around to use when applying sleight of hand. I love the design. Beats any traditional deck hands down.
P.S: Go to View and Encode to Unicode (UFT-8) to read mandarin characters.
Current book reading-in-progress? Sun Tzu Art of War and Management. Danny bestow it to me during my first day in Corporate Marketing. I thought there was strategies employed by the team enmeshing within the manual - turn out that it was a freebie. Haha... but I love the mandarin characters wrote by Sun Tzu. That's freaking 墨水.
Had breakfast at maxwell before work. So sad that Jerry is leaving. Though it has only been a couple of weeks, but well, he's geniunely a very nice chap. Just had to snap a quick photo with him, in my somewhat bedraggled-cum-desperate-liao look', just before I rush for my hub bus.
All the best to Jerry for his new job at One George St! ^_^
P.S: Go to View and Encode to Unicode (UFT-8) to read mandarin characters.
Cheers
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