National Service

I have finally completed my national liability - truly ORD (and I was placed in MINDEF reserve)

I guess people who served their due understand this very much - the notion of freedom and liberty we used to enjoy freely was greatly suppressed during service. Self expression was abandoned in exchange for regimentation.

I had promised myself to write a lengthy essay about my experience when I leave the service and the occasion arises, suddenly, my thoughts are whirling - I didn't know where to begin.

Asked any NSmen out there about their feelings in NS and most likely, it is a congregated mass of mixed feelings that goes beyond simple words. They are likely to grin at the querent:

'Good luck... go in and you will know...'

Somehow, it seemed sadistic, but we all know it wouldn't be a bed of roses in there.

To be frank, I held high regards for our military force before I was enlisted, but this ideology has changed significantly after service... till the point of disillusionment. In the end, I realised, what I believed in once was but propaganda instill into the young minds before maturity and wisdom enter into those minds. It was like early insinuation until it became a blind faith. Back then, although I know nuts about Singapore military, but somehow, we are taught, by mass media, that it was the best in the region (in terms of equipment and military technology, I still believe it is).

I realised that the passe philosophical quote, overly used by SAF '...when boys becomes man' - actually doesn't completely transform the 'man' in Singaporean boys I encountered during service. From those newly enlisted to others going to ORD - it appeared more like '...survival of the fittest...' and people are seeing NS more like a passing phrase in their life than national duty to service the nation.

The heartware is precariously missing and you find people going through the motion or vanishing into the background when REAL issues, REAL stuff are needed for REAL man to tackle, handle and resolve - nothing comes before the thought of covering their ass first. Absolutely nothing. Everyday, everyone is only interested when the clock strikes 1730 hrs... all the way until they have amicably post out or discharge of service.

Leaving the rot for the people of integrity to cleanse them. And integrity doesn't exist in the service - even the core values are nothing but airy words told by commanders who doesn't even live in accordance to what they are preaching.

The 'boys' are still inevitably visible in the traits of those conscripted soldiers and worsen through regimentation. The 'top-to-down' or 'centralised' approach merely trained our boys to become more well behaved and not becoming 'man' as the quote suggested. My BMT sergeants always mentioned about 'thinking soldiers', which I have always thought it was oxymoron.

Thinking soldiers?

Only human thinks; soldiers are only taught to follow orders - somewhat a servile approach.

I spoke to many people, of all backgrounds and education level, throughout my enlightening journey and when I figured out how much they 'understands' about their country (and of course the Army), I was ghastly appalled by how nonchalant everyone's attitude towards it. This is inclusive of regulars, whom are supposed to 'buy' the military propaganda sold to them psychologically and live according to the insinuation.

In fact, most regulars are more interested in the money aspects of their career that it actually blinds their vision nothing wider than a dollar note. There aren't genuinely interested in serving the nation, the public and the people because this is how it was portrayed to me strongly. Like a pyramid model - the apex represents the commanders or leaders, while the bottom represents the work shouldered and done by the NSF.

Credits were stolen by higher management and blames are splattered across board when things goes awry. I even encountered certain junior commander misusing his newly discovered powers and several senior commander/s overly depending on NSF and exploiting them to perform their level of job.

I am completely at ease with warrant Al asking me to buy coffee on his behalf or even performing mundane tasks like photocopying, but obviously I wouldn't be expecting him to shove me the training program and asking me to handle it.

I can't even be bothered to pen down the identity of those riffraff being paid in multiples of my pay and requesting me to do their level or share of their work. Should ISD/MSD accidentally come across my blog and read this post, I could picture the look on their face as 'duh-we-knew-that-long-ago.'

This pseudo-world class organisation is nothing but a hush-hush organisation ran by incompetent leaders. The skeletons in those cupboards are well hidden and pry-protected by public eyes. So insidious that should we have an external, non-government audit, this can of worms will open up like how NKF did. The internal audit done are but facade and histrionic methods to ensure quality. Even the ISO are nothing but falsification and untrue to the actual picture.

And you expect me to entrust my life to a bunch of unproven commanders, who are probably only paper-smart and devoid of empathy for the common folks? I see this phenomenon crystal-clear DAILY when our RPs, after their fatigue duties, walking that stretch of road out of Sembawang Airbase and I see scores of commanders, in the comfort of their branded Mercedes or BMW cars, whizzing past the poor soldiers, without sparing a single thought of reliving them off that drudgery journey towards the gate, which ALL cars would essentially passed through as well.

So far, it is always the contractors (civilian) who have been helping the RPs unconditionally, mixed with few rare occasions of military personnel (usually WOSA). And when you have a young lady (half the time needed if she is pretty) going through the same thing, it wouldn't take long before somebody stop by and ferry her down.

Pray tell how do I respect someone for nothing? Commanders don't even fucking give a damn to lift their tiny finger to relieve these man, or fellow Singaporean as a matter of fact. If I have a car and I see someone walking that damn stretch of road out, I would kindly fetch him down, regardless of whether is it a man or woman, private or major because it doesn't even take much on my side. Even such little gestures are missing, then tell me how the respect is earned? Just because they are scholars or have been through OCS? Even base commander's position is an allocated spot for scholars so nicely placed when they sit in the system, everything else will run auto-pilot. SAF tried to force respect out of us via appointment or rank, but I cannot see myself respecting them simply because they have done nothing significant.

And sadly, the NSF man at the bottom of this 'food chain' are slave tools to serve those master above them through the element of fear in carefully disguised regimentation. Regimentation is but an excuse used by the organisation to reinforced the fear mindset into the minds of the NSF to follow the rules and constantly be placed on a tight leash on their conduct and behaviour... even till reservist.

I came across several NSman who were on pending charge case for missing his IPPT, RT, ICT, etc. And whenever I hear their story, I had nothing but a heart of sorrow for their predicament. One NSman was in the brink of bankruptcy when RSAF decides to charge him for missing his IPPT.

'Charge me? The bank is going to repossess my house anytime and you think I have the mood for IPPT? Charge me? Charge lah! I no money liao... or you want me go commit suicide to prove it to you??'

Another NSman was illiterate and the people around him are also uneducated. He cannot read English and I had to translate to him what his letter meant in chinese because my S1 was an Indian.

It was a charge letter.

Then you have one NSman who was charged for missing his RT.

'I work night shift and the afternoon is for me to rest and recuperate so that I have the energy to work later. You expect me to take RT in the evening and sacrificing my sleep? Then who is going to compensate me? My boss will fire me off my job!'

I feel for them, as fellow Singaporean, but there was simply nothing I can do. Regimentation is brought over into their civilian life, an intergal part of a larger plan, by this authoritarian government.

This is not a rant; more like statement from a disillusioned Singaporean, who went into National Service in good faith and came out devastated. Somewhat like realizing your father has kept a mistress behind your mother's back kind of feeling. In an instant, the loving figure shattered into millions of glass fragments and you know nothing will restore the perception ever again.

This is my National Service.



P.S: For those stupid enough to reckon that it is real - that is a toy gun.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 300906

Originally posted by aprilx:
jus hoping for some advice..

wat is the normal progress of a r/ship? am in one with a guy for the last month or so & i dun noe if we are moving too fast. :(



Always be wary of haste. Relationship built upon haste will usually crumble into dust (just as quickly) because the foundation of love is always wobbly.

Love is like wine; it gets better with age. Learn to appreciate the finest aspects of love and not resort to rushing. You do not revel in good food by gobbling everything up; you will probably end up with a bad stomach.

Love is such beautiful thing; as what Guess commercial would tell you '...take your time....' There is no rush if he's truly the one for you, but definitely, there would be a need for haste if he isn't - so that you could make indecisive judgement before you get to see the real him.

P.S: All hasty relationships are Uranus-influenced - very sudden and usually not substantial.

Cheers

Continued from AA 160906

Originally posted by vgal:
Had been trying to break off with my bf since friday.

On friday, wanted to talk but ended up quarrelling. So i suggested if we so unhapi, juz break up. he said ok. and exchanged some nasty remarks then good bye remarks.

sat: he smsed me many times. want to talk. talked over the phone, 5 min into the conversation, we were already in a quarrel. and he hung up on me. 2 hours later, he called me, want to talk. i said i want to break off. nothing to talk anymore. he said want a closure, i said im in a terrible mood, not a good time. he called me more than 10 times and smsed me more than 10 times that nite. then he said he has video of me (insinuating that it is something nude). i ignored him. he keep sending hate smses to me. i ignored.

sun: he smsed many times. i fed up n replied. he said he juz need to clarify certain things. he called me and i answered. after clarifying certain things, he started being sarcastic and abusive. i hung up. he threatened me with the video again, want me to go to his place, i refused and ignored him.

mon - wed: everyday sms, sometimes hate sms, sometimes sound nice and asked me go meet him at his place. i refused. when i refused, he will threaten me with the sms.

wed nite: finally i met him for he said he needs a closure. when i met him, asked him about video, he acted blur. i was so angry and said lets go police station. he said he wont go with me. i went police station myself and made a police report, half way, i stopped.

i called him. and talked very nicely to him and tried to make peace. he said he wants me back. i said not possible anymore. he said then dun regret. i said why u want to force someone to stay with u? he said he doesnt care. i forced him into it. i talked nicely to him and made peace with him.

today: there is no where to settle this amicably with him. This is fatal attraction. he is like a monster and demon who is juz after me and my sanity. i am contemplating to juz run away. cut off all contacts with him. dun answer his calls. maybe even go overseas for a while so that he cant threaten me any more.

is that too irresponsible?


The extremist traits are surfacing; the exact replica of how his marriage failed previously. An unevolved man will be hit by the consequence of being unevolved and probably lack even the rudimentary understanding of what love means.

'... said why u want to force someone to stay with u? he said he doesnt care...'

This statement says all (and that reminds me of certain forumite).

He's vindictive in nature and his claim of having 'video' is probably a plot to keep an aura of fear presence over you.

I suppose cutting all form of contacts with him is wise. Meanwhile, never relent yourself just because he claims to have your 'video'. Each time you relent, you will appear like his ruse is working.

I wish you well.

Cheers

Continued from AA 160906

Originally posted by vgal:
Had been trying to break off with my bf since friday.

On friday, wanted to talk but ended up quarrelling. So i suggested if we so unhapi, juz break up. he said ok. and exchanged some nasty remarks then good bye remarks.

sat: he smsed me many times. want to talk. talked over the phone, 5 min into the conversation, we were already in a quarrel. and he hung up on me. 2 hours later, he called me, want to talk. i said i want to break off. nothing to talk anymore. he said want a closure, i said im in a terrible mood, not a good time. he called me more than 10 times and smsed me more than 10 times that nite. then he said he has video of me (insinuating that it is something nude). i ignored him. he keep sending hate smses to me. i ignored.

sun: he smsed many times. i fed up n replied. he said he juz need to clarify certain things. he called me and i answered. after clarifying certain things, he started being sarcastic and abusive. i hung up. he threatened me with the video again, want me to go to his place, i refused and ignored him.

mon - wed: everyday sms, sometimes hate sms, sometimes sound nice and asked me go meet him at his place. i refused. when i refused, he will threaten me with the sms.

wed nite: finally i met him for he said he needs a closure. when i met him, asked him about video, he acted blur. i was so angry and said lets go police station. he said he wont go with me. i went police station myself and made a police report, half way, i stopped.

i called him. and talked very nicely to him and tried to make peace. he said he wants me back. i said not possible anymore. he said then dun regret. i said why u want to force someone to stay with u? he said he doesnt care. i forced him into it. i talked nicely to him and made peace with him.

today: there is no where to settle this amicably with him. This is fatal attraction. he is like a monster and demon who is juz after me and my sanity. i am contemplating to juz run away. cut off all contacts with him. dun answer his calls. maybe even go overseas for a while so that he cant threaten me any more.

is that too irresponsible?


The extremist traits are surfacing; the exact replica of how his marriage failed previously. An unevolved man will be hit by the consequence of being unevolved and probably lack even the rudimentary understanding of what love means.

'... said why u want to force someone to stay with u? he said he doesnt care...'

This statement says all (and that reminds me of certain forumite).

He's vindictive in nature and his claim of having 'video' is probably a plot to keep an aura of fear presence over you.

I suppose cutting all form of contacts with him is wise. Meanwhile, never relent yourself just because he claims to have your 'video'. Each time you relent, you will appear like his ruse is working.

I wish you well.

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 260906

Originally posted by OutOfIdeasHusband:
Once, there is this guy A (33) , and this gal B (29). Gal B is a very sporty type, enjoy outdoor, the sun. Guy A is an indoor type, likes to stay at home and relax.
Guy is first bf for Gal. Gal is 2nd for Guy.

They are together for 2 years, before getting ROM. Before the ROM, the gal kick up a fuss and pick problems with the guy. All in the hope that the guy will find the gal irritating, and call off the ROM. After the ROM, the gal became havoc and stay out with frens, wanted to have fun. The guy kept quiet and the gal told the guy she regretted doing the ROM. The guy wore the wedding ring, the gal didn't. She still introduce the guy as "boyfriend". A month or so later, the guy stopped wearing the ring.

Some months later, they became ok, and they got a HDB. The guy took care of the reno, while the gal worked till late at night. They moved in together. After 1 year, the guy requested to have a traditional wedding dinner. The gal, fearing the same thing happen during ROM, would not like to have it. She needed more time for convincing herself. So, they had a quarrel over it. The guy relented and did not push further.

3 years have gone. Guy called the gal "Wife". Gal called guy "Hubby". In the 3 years, they went travel yearly, had fun doing stuffs together. Both had change for each other, guy became more outdoor, and gal loves to be with the guy. During this time, there are no big arguments or quarrels.

Gal went searching for wedding venues, and showed to the Guy. The guy wasof cos, very happy. They went and decided on the venue, and got the wedding package. They had a great day with the photoshoot. Inivitations were printed as well.

2 months before wedding. Gal went for a night outing with frens, and the Guy called her a few times to return as it is late (11pm ~ 3am). The gal became angry. They quarrel. The gal wanted to call off the wedding dinner. The guy knew she is purposely doing the same thing so as to call off the dinner. Guy asked her. She said she is still not committed. She is not sure He is the one. She feels something missing, as if waiting for another guy to appear.

Now, both guy and gal is feeling miserable. Gal wanted to have sometime alone to think about what she really wants. Guy is waiting. There are options :

a) Wait for Gal to be ready for traditional wedding dinner, could be 1 year, 2 year, never?

b) Forget about the wedding dinner. (Guy want dinner, think parents (both) also)

c) Go for counselling (Guy suggest)

d) Divorce for Gal freedom. She can goes to search for her perfect husband.

What do you think?


Emotionally, the woman is not ready for marriage, albeit her mind is probably hinting to her that she isn't young anymore and should be thinking of settling down. That is probably the reason why she accepted his ROM/HDB proposal, only to be defeated by her own introspection later on, fueled by individualism and wilfulness.

One major concern to her subconsciously is that probably because she only has one boyfriend in her life, there isn't any comparison nor choices. The only man she could claim as boyfriend monopolised and provided the framework and cosmic lesson she ought to grasp in BGR aspect. Her stark confusion is because ONCE the wedding dinner is hosted (announcement to friends, family and relatives), she would inevitably have that notion that there are more responsibilities, yet not necessary more happiness.

She probably feared to gamble her marriage on the ONLY known 'product' she has knowledge of.

I realized that every time when she hangs out with her friends, something drastic would happen. It is quite possible that the man could pick up important clue as to understand why is she so evasive towards marriage from them. Perhaps they are partial influence, or perhaps she might have told them something that the man is unconscious about (e.g. that she could be holding onto a certain past and has yet to initiate movement in her life, someone else initiate a chase, etc).

Too much individualism in a person makes him/her less domestic. When people are too used in enjoying freedom, sometimes, they are reluctant to give up this lifestyle in exchange for a marriage.

The man will likely to wait because he is unlikely to give her up and replay the dating scene (partially due to age and the desire for stability). I guess the ball lies with the woman. I believe that she still desire to be courted by someone else, given the choice, before she could make a decision. And a last thing she would ever want to face is to meet another person significant to her AFTER she has decided to commit.

She has fleeting emotions and not very decisive in judgment. I suggest a third party sort of mediation and counselling. Go for marriage preparation course or something and make decision AFTER that.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 260906

Originally posted by wallace82:
heard from somepeople that first time relationship will not last is it true ?

when u are yr gf first bf..

had some problems with her hai.. :(

when i ask her do you love me ?

She reply with don't know even we are together for 6 mths i know it's not long but if she don't know whether she love me y would she even want to be with me.. and she ask me back what is love ? I really don't know how to explain to her..

PLs i need some advise, I really don't want to lose her.


In this modern era (Aquarian Age), most people would experience between 2-4 serious relationships. I usually sum up the reason by claiming that that would usually be the typical amount of 'cosmic experience' required for a decent amount of personal growth in love before they could possibly 'graduate'.

I suggest that you don't go about pondering too deep over the 'lasting' issue, much more than an interest to learn more about the mechanics of Love and how it affects you subconsciously. I wouldn't say it's impossible for first love to succeed, but you shouldn't choose idealism over realism, should it not have the conclusion u desired.

P.S: We should always remind ourselves that different people we meet have different purpose in our lives. And most people are never the happily-ever-after. How complicated will it be if we have scores of potentials in that list of happily-ever-after thingy? Obviously, the rest will form the bulk of our 'growth structure', responsible for nurturing and maturing our mindset in love.

Cheers

The MIW behind our MIB

The stand-off between the protesters and the police a few days ago revealed more than the PAP's authoritarian ways. It gave Singaporeans a glimpse into how our men-in-blue (MIB) handled a situation that didn't come with clear, by-the-book instructions.

Take the time when the protesters wanted to hand out flyers to passers-by on the morning of 18 Sept. The officers scrambled to block the activists from continuing on. It was only after some frantic communication with HQ that they were allowed to proceed.

The protesters then positioned themselves at the corner of Upper Pickering Street and South Bridge Road, and started handing out flyers.

"Dr Chee, I have to advise you that what you are doing constitutes an offence," came the familiar refrain.

"How so?" Dr Chee asked.

"There are six of you here with a common intention and that is not allowed," was the reply.

"But we are the same people who were at the other corner on the same sidewalk," Mr Gandhi Amalam interjected.

"But this is an offence," the policeman insisted with his killer instinct for dud-replies.

After a period of trying to extract some answers from the officer that one could deem as even remotely intelligent, the protesters gave up and passed out the pamphlets in a group of four.

Meanwhile Mr Hassan, the officer in charge of Operation Stop Chee With Stupid Answers, was quickly summoned. He's the same guy that tried to take the flyers from Dr Chee when the Team was distributing them at Raffles City the Sunday before.

When Mr Hassan appeared, Dr Chee told him that the protesters wanted to distribute flyers at Raffles Place during lunchtime.

Mr Hassan buzzed HQ.

"Yes, you can go to Raffles Place to distribute flyers," officer Hassan came back. "But how are you going to go there?"

Strange as the question was, Dr Chee obliged, "We're going to walk there."

"You have to walk one a time then," Mr Hassan said.

"Let me get this right. The six of us can go to Raffles Place to distribute flyers which your colleague just told us was an offence, but we cannot walk there together," Dr Chee tried to sought out.

Mr Hassan tried to look composed as he reached deep to come up with an answer. All the while a younger officer kept whispering into his ear, obviously offering tips and precautions.

After a few seconds, Mr Hassan came back: "If you want to distribute flyers at Raffles Place, I will allow you."

"But your colleague just stopped us from giving out the flyers in a group of six," Dr Chee pointed out. "Its obvious that you guys are just making up the rules as you go along."

Silence.

"I'll get back to you," Mr Hassan replied and buzzed HQ again.

"Dr Chee, your objective is going to Raffles Place right?"

"Yes."

"We will allow you to do that but you cannot walk there. You have to take a taxi."

There was a momentary silence when Team Empower Singaporeans tried to figure out what in the world possessed our MIB.

"But Raffles Place is just a short walk away," explained Dr Chee. (For those of you unfamiliar with downtown Singapore, Raffles Place is about 400 metres from Upper Pickering Street.)

"I'm sorry but that is the only way you can go there."

"Okay, we will only take the taxi if the police pays for it. We're certainly not paying for it."

Mr Hassan hesitated. The HQ radio buzzed one more time.

Mr Hassan came back with bad news, "No we can't pay for it." But he offered an olive branch, "Okay you can walk there, but you and Ms Chee cannot walk together."

"Why?" Dr Chee asked.

"Because you might attract people and that would become an illegal procession," Mr Hassan said. One had the feeling that the poor officer was just mouthing the words and was by now feeling quite silly having to say what he was saying.

"You mean the six of us can walk from that corner to this corner but we cannot walk from here to Raffles Place?" Dr Chee asked.

All these questions were making Mr Hassan confused. Even the activists were getting dazed from all the twists and turns.

In the end, the Team agreed and decided that Ms Chee Siok Chin would go first. But as she was halfway across the road, her chaperons blocked her way for the umpteenth time. A standoff in the middle of South Bridge Road?

Mr Ambalam then shouted to Mr Hassan and co., "I thought we had agreed?"

"Sorry, sorry," one of the officers mumbled as he ran ahead to tell his female counterparts to let Ms Chee proceed.

Already feeling hot under the collar, Mr Hassan erupted at one of his subordinates when the unfortunate junior officer tried to approach us: "Get back over there!" Mr Hassan tore off his police flak-jacket and stormed ahead towards Raffles Place, without even waiting for Dr Chee and Mr Ambalam.

The distribution of the flyers went ahead without a hitch – after more than two hours of negotiations. Who said that our MIB didn't have much to do?

Permission to let them sit, over

The competition for the silliest police action was just hotting up.

On the morning of 19 September, Dr Chee and a fellow protester had sauntered to another spot to have a discussion. They were of course accosted by the police (thank goodness it wasn't Mr Hassan again).

By the way, the police had decided to wear their civilian clothes after photographs of uniformed and menacing-looking police officers ringing around the activists were embarrassingly splashed around the world.

Dr Chee, pointing to some steps, said, "We just want to sit there."

Officer: "Let me get clearance first."

The two activists looked at each other. The feeling was not one of surprise for nothing the police did could surprise them anymore. It was more a sorry feeling for the officers who were made to undergo such silliness by the MIW, aka PAP.

The two protesters moved forward and reached the steps. They were immediately held back by two officers. "We just want to sit here," Dr Chee repeated.

"Let me just get permission first," the officer matched.

"You need to get permission for us just to sit here?"

"Okay, sir, you can sit here," said the officer obviously quite happy to get the all-clear from HQ.

The people behind

To be sure Mr Hassan was not the bad guy. He's probably a stand-up bloke and a straight shooter. He and his colleagues were just placed in an impossible situation and made to look like fools.

On the very first day when the standoff first began, Mr Hassan and co. were obviously told that the group must not be allowed to proceed to Parliament House at all cost.

But the Team suggested that they would walk singly to the venue. Oops! No instructions on that one. Mr Hassan initially said okay.

The protesters than started walking whereupon someone must have hollered through their earpieces "No! No! Stop them!"

Mr Hassan quickly ran up and blocked Dr Chee who by then had walked several metres to the corner of North Canal Road and South Bridge Road.

Ms Chee Siok Chin, a little faster on her feet, had stomped a hundred metres ahead. Initially some of the male officers were trying to stop her but when someone shouted that policemen were trying to handle Ms Chee, the MIB scrambled for cover and were quickly replaced by WIB.

At the stand off, Dr Chee repeatedly asked Mr Hassan why they were not allowed to proceed.

"You had announced that you were going to have a rally at Parliament House. I cannot allow that," Officer Hassan said.

"And why is it an offence to have a rally outside Parliament House?" Dr Chee enquired.

Mr Hassan's lips started to move but no words came out. He gave up.

"Tell me the reason why we can't have a rally outside Parliament and if it is reasonable, we will accept it and will disperse immediately," Dr Chee insisted.

"Dr Chee, I cannot allow you to proceed," the officer repeated.

"Yes, I know that. What I want to know is the reason why. Why don't you call your superiors and then tell us the reason? We'll wait."

He and his colleagues seemed to radio back but apparently didn't get any help.

His superiors, nestled in their air-conditioned offices couldn't, or wouldn't, give their poor colleague an answer. As a consequence, Mr Hassan was left to stand stoically and face the crowd.

Using psychology on a psychologist

Throughout the standoff, Mr Hassan and his female counterpart were probably given instructions to use psychological warfare to wear down Dr Chee and Ms Chee.

At every opportunity, they would summon up their sweetest tone and tell the Chees: "Are you okay? I know you are very tired. You must miss home very much. Your family must miss you too. Why don't you go home and get some rest? Just give us the word and we'll get a taxi for you."

Extremely sugary but a tad amateurish.

On one occasion, Dr Chee was bent over getting some respite when Mr Hassan approached him and repeated the we-care-for-you-so-much-that's-why-we-want-you-to-go-home lines.

"Thanks, I'm okay. You guys should be the ones going home. Why do you insist on doing all this?"

"We're just doing our job."

That opened the floodgates. "No you guys cannot always hide behind this excuse. I may except that kind of talk from my four-year old when she tells me that her sister 'made her do it'. But coming from a 40-year old who can discern right from wrong, that is not acceptable."

By now, the journalists who were milling around surrounded the two clearly enjoying the exchange.

"You see, our local reporters tell me the same thing every time I ask them why they do what they do," Dr Chee continued. "It is no longer good enough to say that you are just doing your job.

"If your jobs say that you have to write lies and prevent citizens from knowing the truth, and you the police stop citizens from speaking up, then you have a moral duty to tell your masters: 'No I will not obey you any more.' and have the courage to quit.

"Remember, all of us have to answer to God at the end of the day. Fear God, not Lee.

"Let me not go on anymore. But when you have a quiet moment just before you go to bed or when you are saying your prayers, think about what I just said.

"Now please let me rest for a while in peace."

Mr Hassan never asked Dr Chee how he felt or whether he wanted to go home again.


The 72-hour standoff threw up some gems that underscore the point that exam-smart technocrats that the MIW love to recruit in the civil service (including many of our ministers) may be good when standing orders are clear and when all the instructions have their i's dotted and the t's crossed.

But when confronted with a situation that requires cognitive adroitness and flexibility, the entire machinery grinds disastrously into dysfunction.

And we're just talking about six people armed with only 'Democracy Now' T-shirts.

***

OMFG! ROFLMAO!!!!!!

I recalled a similar incident when CO blew his top during parade because one RP was directly confronted by another base personnel breaching security rules and all he said was: 'Sorry sir, I don't know... I am just doing my duty.'

Now we know that this is not an isolated case; it's homogenous throughout all dimension and level of our civil servant.

I had to agreed strongly with Atobe, who mentioned:

A structure in which the field men will only react with the instruction from Central Command can only result in initiative and creativity being blocked.

At a time when the IMF-World Bank was in town, extra pre-caution had to be taken by MIW and MIB, to prevent any adverse publicity from occurring, after Singapore had a breadth of foul air being blown in the face with the banning of the 27 Civil Society Activists.

It will look silly for any MIB with a rank more senior than an Sergeant to deal with CSJ and his small crowd; as any MIB with a higher rank than that, will give CSJ too much credit and importance.

In dealing with CSJ, how high up does the chain of command go - over the 2-way radio used by the MIB ?

The confusion and constant 2-way communication with Central Command - (and possibly a Higher Command) - is similar to the structured central planning and execution of the Communist System, in which no one will move without authorisation from Central.

No one is allowed to exercise initiative or imagination in executing their assigned tasks, which has to be mechanically executed according to plans; and when hiccup occur, Central will have to be informed, and alternative approved methods will be given.

This is the First World Talent which exist in our Singapore Government when dealing and engaging with Singaporean Political Activists.

Singapore will go to the dogs, if the Scholars at MINDEF manages the SAF to defend Singapore in the same manner as these MIW managing the MIB.

Cheers

Reply to AA 190906

Originally posted by browniebaobao:
so will a truly satisfied man be seduced?

When I was taught this ideology, there was no mention about man. And to me, it didn't really fit nicely into the framework of a man compared to a woman. Reason being our biological make-up:

A girl must be like a blossom
With honey for just one man.
A man must be like honey bee
And gather all he can.
To fly from blossom to blossom
A honeybee must be free,
But blossom must not ever fly
From bee to bee to bee....

To be frank, animalistic males instinct (Mars) are born to propagate. This masculine archetype is neutralised by our higher self through love to accept monogamy. When seduction is employed, it triggers the man's instinct, like how it triggers a leopard to chase, when you run as your back is turned towards it. Only our higher self can see through those illusions and learn contentment.


Originally posted by browniebaobao:
dun sound fair leh, Yun.


It wasn't meant to sound fair.

You must remember that we are govern by norms dicated by our society. You are feeling this unfairness is because we are taught monogamy in our kind of society. Should you grow up in a different settling where polygamy thrives and is the norm dicated by society, then it's different.

And ultimately, we must recognise that man and woman are indeed different.

Without wisdom (like animals), males only task on earth is only but to propagate and ensure the survivability of the human race (male is to spread its seed while woman is to breed). But our psychological state refuse to accept that this is the reason for our existence - we believe that there MUST be other reasons why we are here. So you have most religion telling you that God has a role for you on Earth, we should have a fulfilling life (perhaps a mission?) and everything else started streaming in. And you have people like me preaching on how vital Love is - the backbone of any union.

This is how a male functions in dormant state. It is only purely because of our higher self that we prevent ourselves from degenerating into our animalistic instinct. Psychologically speaking, they would probably say that it is because of the Id, Ego and SuperEgo thingy, however, in the end, it's all the same.

Should we remove all our boon as a higher being, in the end, we realise that we are but animals. And WILL react accordingly to this biological nature. Even though man are indeed higher being, this animalistic, masculine instinct lies hidden in our subconscious. With wisdom, we will be able to tame it and be truly human in our behaviour and mindset. If not, man will just heed to its animalistic, inner calling. He will only be a 'male' and not man in humanistic term.

Disclaimer: This is not an excuse for infidelity.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 190906

Originally posted by Haoz30:
I hope no one involved in the following reads what I'm gonna write...

I've just broken up with my girl of 6 years. We've been thru a lot of things in these past 6 years. Things like deaths of close relatives, sickness, my NS life and much more drama. We have always been there for each other in times of need. The bond we share is remarkable. Everyone who knows abt us thinks that we will be together and ever, happily ever after. I thought so too...

Things got rocky recently. An idiot (A) tried to go after my ex, knowing that she's attached with a BF of 6 yrs. Stirred up plenty of shit, did not have the guts to admit to his mistakes, got his friend (B)to stand up for him. Is a very long story, I'll just cut everything short.

My ex broke up with me 2 mths ago. But 1 mth after that break up, we still behaved like a couple. I was trying to win back the confidence she had in me. Then 2 weeks ago, she called me and told me that we should draw a line, she needed to find herself back and think what she really wanted. I agreed. The next day while I was with her, her HP rang. Caller ID showed "BB". I knew something was wrong so i questioned her. She finally admitted that she's attached now, with (B)! I was very heart broken, this is the first time in 6yrs she had ever lied to me.

The reason why we broke up is because she feels that I don't give her enough concern and love. And I've been a great disappointment to her, which is kinda true. I'm 24 this yr and I'm still studying for a diploma. She feels neglected and thinks that I'm not making effort for myself and her.

The problem now is, my friends have heard my story and are asking me to move on. But there's a part inside me that refuses to let go... I do not know if she really do love him. She did mentioned that she might be accepting this guy now cause she's been really hurt by me, but she also mentioned that at least she feels happy and treasured now.

I have so many plans of the future involving her. I do not know if she's really in love with him or not. Another concern is, even if she doesn't come back to me anymore, I do not wish to see her get hurt by this guy again. She's been hurt by me bad enough already. This guy is a hypocrite. Everyone know that. If u guys are interested, I'll go on to tell the story abt him.

Im really confused. Should I let go or not? I know from the bottom of my heart, that I really still love her very much. And she IS the one for me....

ps: sorry bout the super long story.... :


If a man is able to slip into her life effortlessly and managed to wreck so much havoc in your relationship, it probably means that your relationship isn't very stable as you previously thought it to be. Six years? So what? In the end, its very defeat was exploited through various vulnerabilities this love had in the first place and abnegate your royal throne.

You provided an excellent reasoning for yourself to retain in the past, hoping to get her back - you believed that it was a moment of folly for her and one day she will return.

I cannot be sure about her returning, but I am sure that even if the woman should return, nothing will be the same anymore.

In the end, although you can be sure that she is THE ONE for you, but you can never be sure if you are THE ONE for her.

I am not saying that the other man is a better alternative to you, but a truly satisfied woman cannot be seduced. A long, drudgery relationship will wear and tear eventually... especially when love dissolved into habits. We always thought that things are going well, until when catalysis is introduced, we realise our anaemic our relationship is.

P.S: Should you not let go, you action doesn't stop her from moving on in life. And quoted by Alexkusu, (I believe he quote my past reply):

[quote]Originally posted by Yunhaier:
...If you wish to dwell in this any longer, you will probably become stagnant, while she enjoyed her new path in life. It may not necessary be a fulfilling relationship, but certainly, it will bring her new destination in love and life. [/quote]

Cheers

Aunt Agony 160906

Originally posted by vgal:
Monday: 6:45pm. i juz left my office (in town) on the way home. When i was reaching home, he msg me, asked to meet up in town at 8pm cos he is very far away from town. i said ok. i went back to town. In the end he took cab n reached town at 7:40. but i reached town late cos i decided to take bus cos i thought i got a lot of time as he take bus n train needs an hour. but there is a jam and i arrived at 8pm).

i went buy dinner wait for him at Mac. he arrived and we started eating. I juz asked casually, how come u din tell me u take cab, if u did, i would have taken train then u dun have to wait. And he flared up. Gave me a black face and asked me why dun i tell him i took bus instead!? I said ya, maybe i could have told u too lah. then he was still very angry, we had a squabble over dinner. He stood up and juz left!

Why is he like that? over such trivial matter?

We didnt talk on tues. He msg me he missed me on wed.

He msg me to meet up last nite, i said ok. asked me to stay over at his place.

thurs 9pm. we had dinner, then i was watching tv. when tv ended at 10, i went study to find him. he was eatin instant noodles. and i teased him "secertly hide here eat instant noodles". we hugged and kissed. i said i wait for u to watch the rented dvd? he said ok. then i thought he lookd angry. i asked why you so angry. he said he couldnt load some software. so i said i wait for u in the room? he said ok.

he came over, and we made love. we hugged and watched dvd. when dvd ended, he behaved oddly. i asked him if he is unhappy. he said why should he be unhappy. i said i dunno, juz concerened lor, so juz asked.

He flared up again. Then say why muz i say he is unhappy and angry? why muz i say he secretly eating instant noodles?

i explained: "secretly eating instant noodles" was juz a joke. why would he dun let me eat anyway? why i asked if he is unhapy or angry was juz bcos he looked unhapy and i cared.

He flared up and asked me to go home. that was 1:30 am.

He juz messaged me early in the morning to tell me something about his past which was not consistent with what he had told me b4. and so i told him wat he told me b4 and said im confused. you know wat he said?


"Do you need to probe into my past with his wife on how they ended up divorce............... Actually do u realise u r a very probing person? Fact is i dun like people to probe esp when i din do anything wrong."

i replied " u msg me early in the morning to confuse me and tell me im probing when i clarified? Dont want me to ask then dun confuse me and then tell me im probing later."

him: do u need to get so affected? it doesnt even concern u directly. N do u need to be so detail to want to know everything?

Hell no! he contradicts and expect me not to clarify? and when i clarify, accusing me of probing and want to know everything? Aint this unfair??!?!


I recalled an old theory written in CloUdiSm ages ago (I think I will put a name to it someday and probably reclassify it under third Law of CloUdiSm) - it's about how people, who thought that they have been through much in Love, refusing to renew lessons and insisting on resuming where they previously left, despite being very unevolved.

We got to understand that a new relationship is a whole new experience, regardless of how vivid our past was. Loving your ex-girlfriend/wife is certainly different from loving your current one (Synastry explains this through different energies coming from different natal chart) But sometimes (especially so for divorced/separated cases or BGR of many years) because our emotions become so jaded and sombre, that we refuse to restart. We thought that we have invested so much over the years, only to find it a failure at the end of the day, therefore we must resume where we left and reluctant to begin all over again.

You see, chances are, you don't have to begin 'all over again' - you just need to begin from where your flaws surface and work hard on them. And for some people, that probably means the very beginning because this is how they have handled their relationship all through their life. And when you snowball this phenomenon, you can roughly guess how 'unmarriageable' he is because much unevolved personalities will prevent/hinder them to achieve a fulfilling relationship.

Man usually won't talk much about their failed relationship to the next woman of their life, especially so if the problems lies with them. Because it is not glorious and is a raw punch to their esteem. Sometimes, he just doesn’t want to be reminded about this hidden self of his and continue to reiterate the behaviour subconsciously. In the end? He faces the same music and consequence all over again. He fails and fails, until he enlightens himself.

When I was young, probably about four- six years old, I have foul temper (Moon in Aries) and often beat up my older brother. When after I reached Primary school at seven, I self taught emotional control and reason with myself how futile it is to hit someone.

Then it became a past.

I overcome the subject of temper at the age of seven. And using myself as a measure scale; is your man willing to humble himself to explore his untouched emotions and learn what life has to teach him? Even if he has to 'return' to as young as seven and learn what I was learning back them?

If you want this relationship to work, you got to evolve him. And for that to happen, you have to reach inside of him and lift him out. He may or may not allow you to do that, but you could probably try. Be prepare for conflicts because your man will resist against your attempt and chances are, you may perish from trying and give up altogether, like what his ex-wife probably felt when she signed the divorce documents.

If you don't want to shoulder this burden, you may want to reconsider your decision in the near future.

P.S: If you want love somebody, grow along with him - have him/her walk beside and not behind you.

Cheers

Short Story 2006

I written, yet another story, titled 'Angel'

Those interested in the soft copy, do msg me on MSN.



P.S: Of course, it has to be Yuri! My cheerleading 小可爱。 ^_-

Cheers

绝对superstar X DR 2006

对不起，本身家境平庸。。。 没有高科技的 digital 相机, 所以照片会迟一些到来。

可惜啊。。。可惜。。。 两位女生并没有顺利地进入第二回合。 但是还好啦，就当作是出来喝咖啡算了。也好久没看到欣伊了 （不懂我写对吗）.





王建扶啊！（不懂我写对吗） 害死人阿! 我家的小可爱，可被你害死了. 说来话长。。。 哈哈哈。。。 x_x

Anyway, enough of Chinese characters. After the female audition for superstar, we had to rush to NUS to catch Dance Reflection 2006 - sunday was their final performance. And the whole fringing world was there (minus Patrick). Aiya, lazy to upload everything, here's some picture taken on that day.




Dancefloor 2006 competition.... must watch out for the above ladies. Hahahahaha.... ^_^









Dan is going army le. LOL! Probably one last photo I am took with him, before he goes bald.

P.S: To read chinese character, go to View, and encode to Unicode (UTF-8).

Cheers

Aunt Agony 130906

Originally posted by xAcc:
Can u really hold onto someone u've nv met in ur life?

In a person's whole life, there's at least a thing that wouldnt go ur way. I didnt really believe in that. Till i've met her.

It was plainly a request to get something for me on the net, as she was a fren of my fren. It became a chat on the phone. Wad can two strangers possibly talk abt on the phone at 2am? Things didnt go the way i knew and understood. some pple believed in love at first sight. Mayb from the particular day, i started to believe in Serendipity.

Tho after tad day we didnt talked to each other as often as i thgt. As i was attached n so is she. She had alot of ups and downs in her r/s. I had a smooth sailing one, barely having much arguements over the yrs i've been with my gf. Sometimes when she's having troubles, ill b the one she thgt of calling cuz i was willing to listen to her. But still it didnt happen often cuz of her possesive bf and i didnt care much cuz at tad point of time i didnt felt much abt her or anyth arnd me.

I often got to know of the probs she's having in her r/s, now and then. Cuz she talked to me more often after she had broke off with her bf. I listened as i juz hoped to help her juz by listening to her sorrows. Day by day, a slight change started to appear unknowingly.

I talked to her more over the phone compared to my gf. I feel happy when i receive sms from her. Hearing the voice of hers.

Till one day she fell sick and we were on the phone, we talked till quite late but i promised her to get her breakfast cuz i hope she eats something healthy. Slept for 2hrs and i got up to the market and made her porridge. Got her address from her and left it outside her hse. Things started to change from that day.

I started to care for her more, slightly got to like her abit more. Talking to her on the phone everyday despite being tired. Although most of the time i would be listening to her talking abt herself and stuffs, cuz i really enjoyed it alot. One day she hinted me tad she liked me, i sort of felt the same.

One day i finally realise i really liked her alot, and i cant b with my gf with another girl alwys on my mind. Even before breaking up with my gf i was slowly treating her as my loved one. It wasnt an easy thing to break off with my gf after yrs being with her but i did told her wad i wanted. From tad point of time, i felt so much for her and till den, i only saw her photos before...

We somehow became a couple immediately, alwys talking on the phone and stuff. It was two weeks before my enlistment for NS thus i was very free and i wanted to meet her so badly. Everytime things start to crop up despite no matter how i ask her for free time to meet. Even till the day i went off for NS, i've not yet seen her, yet she assured me its ok.

Two weeks of confinement, two weeks of promises of seeing her, two weeks of anticipation. Everything promised vanished. Week after week, weeks after weeks. Even till the day im out of the stupid island, assurance of getting to meetup was still wad i got. Despite living near each other, nv got a chance. Every week going out alone to seek for things she wanted, things she liked, things she mentioned she would wan to buy. Money was nv an issue, mayb hoping to see her really happy in person one day is wad i hoped for.

Quarrels became so often, as i really dun understand y m i acting like a guy wooing a girl and the girl rejecting the guy in a polite manner. Not wanting to see me yet telling me things to coax me. She would alwys call and save the r/s, as she said she cherished this alot. We got back together cuz i cant let go tad easily too.

The second last time i wanted to breakup with her was arnd June. It's been 4mths. I was very determined, left things tad she gave me which was meant for the only guy she wanted to give. I told her i cant hav all these anymore. She called n told me she will b leaving town. At tad point of time i suddenly felt lost, some part of me suddenly juz gave away. The thought of asking her not to go, mayb there's really one last chance to save this r/s. I thgt of trying it this time. She didnt leave, gave me back the things i returned her and she still promised me things will b better.

During the 4 mths, she had her bday which i didnt had the chance to celebrate with her. I had my bday almost spending it alone. 4 monthly anniversaries plainly leaving things outside each other's house. Talked to her, listened to her, wanting the best for her. Sleeping less than 3-4 hrs almost every day. All this didnt matter to me. Did alot of things juz to mk myself feel appreciated, hoping my simple request would come true. But till now it never even happened.....

One day my ex gf called and told me she got things to say to me. It was regarding my current gf. I decided to meet her cuz i've stuffs to give her back too. It ended up me telling her all i've been thru and the feelings of really having someone there for me came back. I didnt imagine how different it is to see a person in real after mths of juz loving someone imaginarily.

My ex did things for me, was willing to spend time on me. I blindly started to go back to her. On the other hand my gf told me tad she will b leaving town, she asked me will i ask her to stay. I didnt reply. Cuz to me, wad she told me throughout all these mths, were all juz empty promises. I juz deeply wished her well so she may find someone real.

She said she didnt board the plane, wanted to meet me in person immediately. I scraped the idea, switched off my phone. After tad things turned worse. I cant bear to tell her i find it more realistic with my ex gf than her. Which i shld hav realised earlier tad pple who hav nv meant cant b together.

She found out i talked to my ex, went out with her and somehow back with her. She went off and things turned ugly. But wad can i do? Should i hav met her up? Should i not met and talked to my ex?

Mths hav passed. From the day i broke off with her, i still cant forget her. Despite being back with my ex now. Things i do for her, her voice i hear so often over the mths. Things she gave me and her imaginary presence. At the same time, my gf now which is my ex, did things and has been alwys here for me throughout. She had been hurt badly when we broke up and this time we patched up, i cant promise her things i used to, do things for her which i did before. But she gave her best, everything she's got. I feel guilty not being able to giv everything i hav.

Wanted to breakup with her now, cuz i see its not fair doing this to her. Wasting her time tho i really like her. I know she deserves someone better which is definitely not me. But i dun wan to see her suffer and im trying my best to forget wad's not even really there before. Hoping things will b the same as the past. But every thought of mine is almost abt the imaginary her. I feel v tired, v miserable.

She asked me to watch the Lake House. Its abt two person in different times loving each other despite the odds. But they could see and hold the person in the past, and the future. In the same time, same place, yet wads happening to me i still cant let go. Recently went back to the place where i left things for her, nth's changed. But yet mths had passed. I still feel empty and cant move on. Hope she did. But now, my thoughts are still on her. Wad can i do? Am i stupid?

Thnks for reading and mayb hope someone can giv me advice, i really dunno who to turn to.




I can never fully understand the notion of people falling in love with another without even knowing him/her in reality. Although I can explain why this phenomenon is surfacing, I can't help but shake my head when I read your story, because you CHOOSE a idealism over realism (Neptune over Saturn).

Chances are, your current gf is merely a gf, but she doesn't really match very closely to the ideal lady you had in mind. Deep inside you and unconsciously, you are yearning for a woman closer an image of your ideal girlfriend.

This woman appeared. And it's a self deception if you said that you didn't want to foster a better relationship with her, and from better to even better. At the point of time, the possessive boyfriend is a barrier, but you remove that barrier, you see yourself automatically moving forward. It was almost without restrain or control - as if you are seeking for a possibility and this is the possibility given to you.

Things sped off after you have seen her photo; she probably fits closer to that of your ideal girlfriend.

You became so immensely deep in love with love itself... but you know next to nothing about her. Do you seriously think that you can know someone by mere phone calls, SMS, MSN or whatever? Words can be twisted and ideas can be insinuated. Afterall, she is playing the role of a director - scripting your every feeling and thoughts, fuelling your fantasy and luring your mind to insanity.

CloUdiSm classify your condition as the Pygmalion Complex - under mythology, the artist Pygmalion became in love with the statue he has crafted. But the statue couldn't love him back as it was lifeless. He was in love with fantasy - his love becomes surreal and unrealistic (although later on, Venus breathe life into the statue and he married the 'her', but our TS was unfortunate, so I will not discuss it here).

If you continue to allow yourself to be led by fantasy, you see yourself touring in beautiful gardens and still ending up back to square one. You are so self absorbed with this blinded fantasy, that I don't think you are able to stretch your perspective wide enough to see from her side.

Do you even think it is Love for her? Like I have mentioned, ideas can be insinuated. Simply by SMSing - I love you - may not even hold much weight because this is how cheap words can be, if it wasn't significantly true to its meaning.

Furthermore, there are a couple of possibilities:

(I) She has actually seen you before, but unlike you, your image is further away from her ideal boyfriend. She doesn't want you as an actual boyfriend and practice retention to leech emotional support and joy of being in love and being thrown affection at.

(II) She broke up with her boyfriend; you are a substitute. She doesn't want you as an actual boyfriend and practice retention to leech emotional support and joy of being in love and being thrown affection at.

(III) She doesn't want a boyfriend; she wants worshipper. She doesn't want you as an actual boyfriend and practice retention to leech emotional support and joy of being in love and being thrown affection at.

Conclusion?

She doesn't want you as an actual boyfriend and practice retention to leech emotional support and joy of being in love and being thrown affection at.

P.S: Your then-ex-now-gf is indeed foolish. Being thrown away when she is not needed and now coming back because his man couldn't get the OTHER woman he wanted. Gawd! If she was my friend, think I am going to lecture her till thy kingdom comes.

Cheers

Lecture on Homosexuality

Originally posted by NUS_Superstar: Ok, from chinese point of view, guy is yang and girl is yin. There is only combination of yin and yang. Yin and yin or yan and yan is never allowed in the first place and problems will soon appear when there is too much yin or yang. No t a good explaination but hope u all understand.


Actually you are only partially right; the reason is because you see biological form as how the energy is manifested. It is true that woman are negative (yin) and man are positive (yang) - but the make-up of a human consist of two component, the soul and the body (your physical and your spiritual form).

Firstly, we must come to a mutual agreement that:

(I) Everything existed on Earth is natural. As it exists on Earth, it is a natural cycle of nature. Regardless of whatsoever ideology that is taught to us as 'bad', 'evil' or 'unnatural'... in the end, they are natural because it existed…and it is not a myth. A gay person is not a myth - it existed, therefore it is part of nature. UFOs are a myth - they do not exist within the space/frame of Earth. Therefore they are not part of nature to be part of Earth.

(II) Love is the attraction forge between two separate energies, namely negative (yin) and positive (yang).

(III) If we measure masculine and feminine energy on a scale - NOBODY is 100% masculine/feminine. Everybody falls in between this scale. You witness this by having feminine man and masculine woman.

IV) If you believe in reincarnation, what I am going to say will probably make sense to you.

MOST people, being heterosexuals or the majority, have similar energies with their soul and body (A man with yang-dominant soul or a woman with yin-dominant soul). These category of people falls in love with the opposite gender (with the exact opposite energy) and attraction foster.

However, there are a category of people with conflicting flow of energies within them. (A man with a yin-dominant or a woman with yang-dominant). When that happens, there will be constant, unconscious battle between the body and soul - both vying for superior control of the man/woman because like fire and water, both neutralise each other, which is one classic archetype of a person with deep-seated karmic revolving love and relationship.

I did some self research, with astrology and the speaking to gay people, and realise that there is a certain pattern to it: people falling under this category usually have afflicted planetary chart that spells difficulty or promise much hardship in love and relationship. (Afflicted Venus, Moon and Uranus, Neptune, 5th, 7th and sometimes 8th house is involved). How this is achieve is very simple; it is believed that we will be reincarnated into the gender our soul dictates - and of course if our soul is masculine, we will always born into a man and when the energies of our soul and body is the same - we are heterosexual... the common or the majority. After several reincarnation, and if you change one particular reincarnation to a female... you will naturally have a clash and whatever I have mentioned above take place.

You mentioned that a relationship between two genders is 'unnatural' - remember the mutual agreement? Love is the attraction between two separate energies? What if the energies of soul between the two man/woman is yin and yang separately? So you must agree with me that the Love is natural (albeit physically, we all know that we ain't made for two man/woman to have sex). Don't believe? Next time when you see a gay couple - take some time to observe other than avoidance them with your eyes; you will notice that one mate will be taking on the masculine role (e.g butch) and the other fulfilling the feminine role (e.g. passive). And the roles they adopt reflect the energy in their soul.

One might argue that the reason for this phenomenon is because a gay couple replicate the model of a heterosexual relationship, in which there must be a 'man' and 'woman' in a relationship. The fact is, indeed, there must be two separate energies before Love can foster. And the two separate energies will divide itself clearly on the masculine and feminine role of the couple. The gay man will not be interested in heterosexual woman because they share similar negative/yin energies in their soul.

Another interesting thing is also shown by the fact that a gay person could achieve as much, if not better, success than a heterosexual (Career is govern by 10th house/Saturn/Capricorn in natal placing). A gay person is NOT hinder in that manner and anything that doesn't overlap very much with love and relationship (Those affected usually includes: 4th house (Moon, Cancer ruling) - Family is affected, 2nd/7th house (Taurus and Libra ruling) - self esteem and marriage is affected, 11th house (Aquarius ruling) - friendship is affected, 12th house (Pisces ruling) - Unconscious/karma is triggered).

Then after doing all my self research regarding Homosexuality, or people with sexual crisis; I came to one main conclusion. People being tormented by homosexuality all their life, usually suffer from this: It is a mechanism created by karma, inflicted into a person this lifetime because he/she has been cruel/misuse the power of love previously. To have that force exuded previously and now returning to him/her - the cruelty of love now befall onto the person, suffering his own cruelty/misrepresentation of love he previously exuded.

People less affected by homosexuality (or those eventually outgrown it), may have partial reasoning like above, but after their debts are paid, the affliction is gradually lifted. The karmic debts are lesser in degree.

I am not seeking for people to agree with me; however, this is the answer I had gotten from my studies of Love. Everybody has their own love cosmic lesson to grasp this lifetime, both heterosexual and homosexual. Remember, we are all students in Love.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 100906

Originally posted by BliX:
Hi there, I've been reading your posts in Aunt Agony, and am quite impressed by the advice that you have given. I'm not sure if you give advice over private messages (not comfortable sharing it over the public domain), but I thought it would be worthwhile to give it a try. I'll keep it short.

I have a bf of 5+++ yrs. 3 years (2nd to 4th) of this relationship is carried out over long distance. He is studying overseas and myself working in Singapore. We're both in our mid-20s. During his overseas study, he ran into some problems. Apparently the support that I was giving him from Singapore is not sufficient. So he found an away gf. But the gf subsequently broke off with him, citing reasons that he is too busy for her. I found it only when I jokingly asked him after his graduation if he had another gf. His reply was kind of shifty. I sensed something wrong, continued probing and he told me the truth. I forgave him.

Then recently, I went overseas for secondment. During this period, I find it hard to even contact him. He does not call or sms or email me. Naturally I am very upset. We're both not the clingy kind. When I came back, I asked him why he disappeared. Is he too busy with his work? But he did not answer me. And as I was tired due to jet lag, I did not bother to question further. One week later, I still find it hard to contact him. There are many such cases which I think it's too long to elaborate. So I asked him if he has another gf. He did not deny and say that he will tell me more next time and that he will not break with me. (The same kind of shifty feel I get from his 1st stray) It's been 3 days and he still has not contacted me.

I's just worried now. I might be over-reacting. If he tells me it's really a gf, I do not know if I am able to trust him again. He's going to be furthering his studies overseas for another 4 years. I do not know if I can take any more of such heartbreaks. However, I care for this relationship a lot. I'm scared forgiving him will end myself up in experiencing more of such cases again. I'm confused. Do you have any advice as to how I should approach this if he tells me that he really has a gf? I'm kind of blank right now.

Thanks in advance.


I am not sure about the love he has for yourself, but to me, I don't really think he is even a suitable mate to fall in love in the first place.

He may be a nice guy and could probably fit your picture of a decent, ideal boyfriend, but he's the individualistic man - he has too much dreams and work to pursue, leaving him no time for Love. I am not saying that one shouldn't give up dreams for love, but somehow, it has become a different set of needs for him, which is somewhat parallel to yours and never seemed to fulfill them.

One could achieve their dreams while still allocating some spaces for love to complete them. Perhaps, to him, he is so used not having you around, that keeping in contact doesn't really matter to him. Could it be love as well? I don't know, but one thing for sure is that he seemed to be able to survive relatively well with or without you. And that's probably the same as the other overseas girlfriend.

He is the individualistic man my dear. And much as we would believe that your love would survive the oncoming LDR, should you even get married to him after he comes back, albeit the length of your relationship may be nine years, but the passion and spirit worth in this relationship probably amounts to only two years?

I dunno about you, but are you willing to gamble your youth, investing for a man who never seemed to have your time? And more importantly, are you willing to gamble for a marriage, with passion and spirit worth about 2/9 of the actual relationship?

If he stays in Singapore, of course, you could make-up/restore what you have missed out during those precious three years. It is still possible for the relationship to bloom. But if another LDR is coming, I think you need serious reconsideration.

We must always understand and believe that despite our love for our choices, some man are never meant or suitable to be a partner. We could sacrifice ourselves to risk it, but should you even (I) discovered that he has cheated on you while he was overseas, and (II) question yourself while resorting to seeking advices from external party - your faith in this relationship is badly shaken. I don't even think you would want to live in doubts and blind faith, fighting for a lost cause.

Perhaps it could be time for a serious talk. If he bends on going overseas, a mutual consented break up could do you two more good than harm. Of course, you can leave it open-ended: should he return back, single, and you the same as well after four years, then maybe he/you could attempt to re-woo you/him again, if that is what he/you desires. Of course, if either one of you have better choices, then move on. Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.

You can't be forever waiting for someone, like drifting endlessly in boundless ocean. You would have to dock somewhere eventually. When you are younger, like a verdant sailor who knows no fear, the young one doesn't worry about sailing in uncharted water. But as the sailor experienced the harsh squall and near-death experience from monster attacks during his journey, that is when the sailor would want to anchor his ship somewhere for security... and for an answer. You are like the sailor; decided that you had enough of this risky uncharted water. Perhaps you may now prefer to become a merchant instead, sailing safe trade route while making good profits for your effort to do so.

P.S: Decisions in life is never easy; but we still make them because we will grow from the decisions we make in life.

Cheers

绝对Superstar 2006

That's the thing about not having digital camera or even a camera phone; gonna wait for the photos until the cows come home before I can start blogging anything. wtf man. I am still living in 2G civilian life sia.

I went down to SuperStar audition (no, not me auditioning. And the whole damn world thinks that I am going down for the audition) and lemme tell you: I was atrociously flabbergasted by the disgusting queue. Below is merely a fraction of what the camera could hold within its frame.



The picture was taken during evening and as you can imagine, the scene was much worst during afternoon. The searing sun was killing everyone, more for those without some form of shade/umbrella and literally dehydrated every poor soul standing in the queue. I think the biggest winner were probably 7 Eleven, Macdonald and Mos-burger. Especially cold drinks - a hit product of the day.

Doug and Mich were completely drained; if I didn't went down (talk rubbish, buy some drinks, accompany Mich to rest etc), I think this drudgery queuing would have took away Doug's drive to compete in this competition. Wah rao, should have seen his eyes man - nothing cuts him like how his princess suffered. Hahaha...

One suggestion: they should have implement a no-smoking-within-the-que rule. One lamer, lighted his stick, probably out of stress, and started puffing away. GAWD, I cannot imagine how inconsiderate this fucker was because all the non-smokers within the que were affected by the bad air he is exhaling. I have nothing against smokers, but for the grace of god, this is vocal competition and your fucking throat is paramount to the success of the audition. Should you even decide to screw your throat, at least think about the well-being of your fellow contestants.

Either he take 5 and smoke outside the que or just fucking quit smoking.





And yes, the victory sign - he got through the first round. He's the second guy, in his room, that got in (Gawd, can't imagine how many cmi were there that day. E.g. the inconsiderate smoker).

I guess the girl's week should be even worst; the girls are likely to come even earlier, after witnessing how disgusting the guy's que was.

I wore my Jamaican BapeSta with MiloTee and the whole world is like staring at me. I remembered seeing this plus-size contestant with BapeXKaws Green shirt... wondered if he got in. And of course, some handful were wearing Fape (Fake-Bathing Ape). But the worst was the army jacket from either Revoltage or Rebirth. I could see at least five dudes wearing the same shit; among them was one dude, never did he remove his jacket throughout the que, despite the insane heat. I could see beads of sweat sprouting from his forehead as he came close to me, talking to his friends over the railing. I must say he got fighting spirit, but for the wrong audience - who cares about looking good to people like me when I know you are feeling like shit with that extraneous piece of clothing?

Put on that jacket when you are meeting the judges, not throughout the damn que. People like me ain't going to decide if you are in for the next round - so you can safety remove that facade and be yourself. I can imagine him getting heatstroke, faint and appearing on the news, for the wrong reason.

And the Champion goes to one passing beng; tee, jeans and slippers.

I remembered when I was part of GS, slipper-dudes were immediate failures. 斯凯文 once taught me about the importance of outlook and the respect for competitions. If I am the freaking judge, I wouldn't even be bother to listen to his singing. One may not have to overdress for first audition, but that doesn't mean he is entitled to underdress.

Another funny incident happened; Candy and I were having late lunch at Mosburger and sitting beside us were a group of lians, whom I thought they must be Alfred's fans (Superband - SOUL). They were chatting, damn lianish manner - I was cool about that, though I find them a little irritating. Then suddenly, Alfred appeared from nowhere and walked passed them. One of the lian calls out to him and he came over, looking rather reluctant and hesitated.

Then he was just standing next to us, totally oblivious to our presence. Somehow, it seemed to me that Alfred were talking to them out of obligation. His body language showed it all. He was uncomfortable.

Candy prompted me to call him and so I did. He didn't hear me the first time round (he was listening to IPOD) and I had to raise my voice the second time. The group of lians were looking at me in wondrous amazement when I called him - thinking that I was another fan (or probably Candy) and wants to snatch a 'piece of him' from them.

Completely wtf man.

For goodness sake, he was our dance mate in DA. I am not a fucking fan for anybody, for this overly commercialised 'SUPER' competition. Alfred saw me and instantaneously came over, abandoning the lian-fans, as if a familar face saved his ordeal. I was laughing inside of me and talked to him for a moment before he left to meet his parents for dinner. Then the whole world was staring at me, again.

I hate fans man. They are fucking irritating - like Ang when he asked for my parade state. Zzz.

Anyway, we ended up in Eugene's house for a small gathering cum BBQ and a little beer drinking session at Dale's house while playing Bingo. I thought Dale is probably some gym freak... full stop - din know he is actually musically inclined too. And he does skateboard. Wow, 人不可貌相.

P.S: Ok, something wrong with blogger, can't seemed to load anymore photos up. Will upload once the server is fixed or something. (To read Chinese characters, go to View, Encode to Unicode [UFT-8])

Cheers

Cosplay

Below is what I call a good COSPLAY:





OMFG! This is the best Cosplayer I have ever seen. It probably helps very much because she is basically good looking and I have no qualms about her cosplaying Rikku (Final Fantasy character).

WOW. Below is how the actual character looks like.



Amazing!

At least it's better than the ones I seen... an example would be:



*LMAO*

Cheers

Aunt Agony II 040906

Originally posted by dirge:
Recently, I choose a thai ger over my ger of close to 8yrs, and I confess my actions to me ger..hurt her bad and at the same time, I felt real bad and pain in myself that I really duno who to turn to. Perhaps alot of you will say I deserve it, but I need to do something before things turn even bad.

Before I go to thailand for work, me and my gf have already decided to get engaged, got ourselves wedding band, and already inline for BTO flat..I felt so great that hey, things decided to settle down for me after close to 8 yrs together,so much effort time and money has went in.

Things started going topsy turvy while I'm in thailand..I get to know this ger, working in a night bazaar selling food..quite cheerful and friendly looking and initially, I told meself, not to get involve but eventually, get to know her. From the start, nothing really goes on, just like normal friends..cox she's bit of outgoing type and fun-loving, so I let me guard down. I also did not tell her I have gf back home.
After a few meetings, she told me alot of things about herself, and that, deep down-inside her, she needs lotsa love as she comes from a broken family and has been quite messy in life while she was young.She has stopped studying at 15 and party and lead a wilful life till few backs, her mom came to look back for her for the first time in her life. She stays in a rented apt and I been to her apt before and I felt that she's very independent in life..due to fact that environment has turn it this way. I must agree that she's good looking and great figure and her softness...in no way a sg ger can match...till now I still think so.
One day she asked me,what do I really want it be...just normal friends or be her bf. I don't know what I'm thinking and I told her be her bf. Gosh....I tot it might just be fling and that she's prob not treating it serious since I'll only there for a short period of time. She also says she's afraid that it'll be a wrong choice for her since I'm not a thai and I don't live there. One day, she told me that whatever will be, will be, nevermind bout the future how it will turn out, she just felt happy with me that I care for her. All this while, I did not let me gf(sgp) know. I know its bad but I just couldn't fight myself way out.
As time goes, she becomes more attach to me and one night, she slept with me and that she says, she really loves me and she's willing to do it with me. She took pills to prevent pregnancy and over 2 weekends, we stayed together at the hotel and she allows me to take pics and says that I can keep it because she wants me to look at it when I'm back home to help me remember her. What surprises me is that she quite spontaneous in bed and got me quite worried, like shes know her stuffs. Before she likes guys...shes a les before,had a couple of gf. Now that she turn over new life, due to fact that she lost hope on thai guys (2 failed ones).
All this while, I did not tell her that I'm not single and she has fear that my heart is like a condo(multi heart)
I left thailand for home, she called me on my mobile and its not cheap to do so to call from overseas, esp she does not earn that much, and shes willing to go thru this...it gives me a sense that, she's willing to put her heart to it.She even called when I'm in aus...even more ex...and she says that her misses for me overrules everything.
I felt that, she can adapt her environment well and even in harsh condition, she's stilll optimistic in life and I now have tot of bringing her over. She's ok with me and tells me, as long as I'm with her...it supercedes anything. All this while, I communicated in very little english with her, and she talks thai with me, though i'm not very good at the language, all the way I can manage to gather what she means. Now. she oftens takes picture of herself and emails me and i try phone her as much often n I'll be visiting her soon.
OF course..alot of worries cross me mind..like, if there's a future, how will it be with her.like, getting a status for her in sg, how she gona survive,interact,etc etc.
Right now..problems i need to solve is my BTO flat,my wedding bad,duno how it'll turn out. I really broke my gf(sgP) heart when I told her and I know its unfair to her. Y can't i broke up with the thai one instead and a few mths wins over a few yrs relationship? Is it fair for both the gers. However, till recently, I know that I will prefer a thai ger more than a sgp ger...its just that I do not have the courage to tell everyone...being the sterotype thinking in most of people that, hey, the thai gers just wanna get out of there and that, they will try at everything.
I made a mess in my life now..and I will not say that its my gf(sgp) fault though she over the years, has mad some impact in my thinking of spending time with a sgp ger.
I'm a jerk thats all.


This is blatantly art of seduction in full swing. I always believe that most men will lose, both heads, against a professional Siren because most man doesn't know how to handle a Siren, more than her leading you by your nose in this carefully crafted seduction spell that render you immobilised and awe by the power of fantasy, visual and sensuality.

When you sealed tight lips about your bona fide gf in Singapore, your subconscious have already decided to cheat.

You allowed your soul to accept the consequence of infidelity. This is a choice you have chosen - to be a promiscuous man.

Whatever story that she has weaved (authentic or not), seemed to compensate your ego of having to be a woman of fantasy, equipped with a sad tale... and only you are fit enough to be her knight in shining armour and release her from hell. In return, you are bestowed with a woman looking like model and a body like a coke bottle - submissive and attentive to your physical and emotional needs.

In fact, this is a fantasy you once thought of in the past, coming to reality.

You are in love with a fantasy, blinded by this hedonistic aura of light that keeps you bounded by her, which transcend distance. Singapore? No problem. Aussie? No problem. AOS speaks of its sixth strategy - the art of insinuation and CloUdiSm speaks about the theory of omnipresence; your mind is dominated and that is sufficient.

You must understand that you went overseas with vulnerability and emotional void. You are a perfect victim for woman like her because she seeks an isolated man like yourself, overseas with long, drudgery relationship back home. Like a chameleon; she could adapt and change into something that fits you nicely, something which you long for, but isn't substantial.

If you wish to turn this piece of fantasy into reality, you will probably be horrified by how hasty your fantasy crumbles, which will reveal a certain insidious reality about her and the consequence of having a relationship. Vice versa to her; you are a probably fantasy to her and if she were to know the truth, your image crumbles and reduced to that of her previous boyfriends - should all her story be the truth. You are unwilling to let that happen, which is the reason why you are not being truthful in the first place.

If you have a problem in your relationship, you don't avoid - you solve them. You introduce a third party, you complicate matters. If you have the courage to cheat, I don't see why you can't use the same courage to face the problems in your relationship. In fact, you probably need more to cheat than to face your BGR issues.

You ended your post with 'I am a jerk' - what are you trying to prove? Which also implied, what is this topic for? For others to hurl abusive words at you? So probably you can feel better? I supposed you have accepted this mess that you have inevitably created, as an integrated part of life, which probably hinted that you would go along with the destiny you have craved for yourself, by telling yourself you prefer thai girls than Singaporean ones.

Then go along with the thai girl and see where this choice will bring you. I don't think you are looking for advice more than a channel to release some guilt in you via words.

Cheers

Aunt Agony 040906

Originally posted by jeramy:
Many people say, in a relationship, you should let you partner know what you are feeling, and should not bottle up, lest all the negative feelings explodes into a firey furball when a quarrel entails. Communication between a couple was the key.

Yesterday, I told my gf that I felt she was neglecting me over the past few weeks on the phone. Throughout the conversation, I never once pointed the blame at her, and stated again and again that I'm just letting her know my feelings.

My tone was calm and composed, and never did I flare up or whatever, I was as normal as I can be.

In the end? Her reaction?

She just told me she agrees with me that she had been neglecting me, and that it was ALL HER FAULT. I said I told her all that not to find fault with her or what. Nobody is right or wrong in a relationship.

Then she stated again she feels guilty, and again and again keep emphasizing its ALL HER FAULT. ALL HER FAULT. It has nothing to do with me. Its HER FAULT.

Finally, she gave me the one time jialat-jialat ->

‘I NEED SOME TIME TO THINK ABOUT US…’

Yes man. I've done it again, messed it all up again. What the hell?

Communication?

It has only left me facing an imminent break-up once again.

NOW TELL ME WHOEVER SAID COMMUINICATION WAS IMPORTANT????


Communication is paramount.

Chances are, your relationship is already degenerating. The opening up of inner feelings merely reveal the large extend of decomposition taking place inside your love unconsciously.

So you were thinking that if you didn't talk about it, you wouldn't break up and things will remain as it is?

You rather love a facade than attempting to grasp something real? Although you risk losing the relationship, at least you know you are not loving a mask. There is so much narcissism in your thoughts that love to you probably divide itself between having and losing it. Losing a relationship doesn't mean you lose all your chips - it only means you have lost some chips in one bet.

If it happens three times, chances are, the problem lies with you. Remember, the women you meet are variables - you are the constant. If all three variables face the same issues, you must evolve if you desire to see changes.

I do not encourage partners to be overly emotional and clingy (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces). Because I believe most people are emotional with tint of depression/self pity/negative sort. The archetype of the partners they would attract often (1) reflect their own personality, (2) breeding persona to fulfill karmic obligation (3) call from the soul to evolve oneself.

Yours probably fall under (3) as the woman you attract, always seemed to flee from you. Your overwhelming emotional touch on them causes them to escape.

You may think that having another woman like yourself would patch this wrecked characteristic of yours in love. Although it may be true to certain extend, it will also create much intensity and the growth of your relationship would be minimal. CloUdiSm states that not everybody requires higher wisdom in love. [Six level of Love Maturity; theory of Infant (Aries representation) - Adult (Virgo representation). Using Maslow Needs to explain my jargon, it is possible, in love, that people are satisfied with just Physiological & Safety needs and requires nothing more. Because they reckon they requires nothing more, they choose not to pursue higher enlightenment, unlike the original theory, where it is believed that people will attempt to pursue higher level of needs whenever their current level is satisfied].

I repeat - communication is paramount.

And it is your mission to uncover the ‘real culprit’ responsible for the death of your relationship.

The 'real culprit' is probably someone else - communication is innocent.

Cheers

Because of Me

Reality hits me.

I can't even feel what I am feeling now; everything appeared to be a whirling maw of chaos.

Dad is going through a financial crisis - only to find a job recently to barely keep his breath over troubled water. He requested mum to redraw both me and my brother's FD to help him tide this period, although unknown to him, the money has already been drawn three years ago.

He was mad. Fiery mad. And have since stop speaking to mum.

Bro is in need of money - to pay for his KLPT and mum is too tight.

I agreed to lend him... four hundred. And I am left with nothing myself.

I am clearing leave this period; can't eat at cookhouse. Everyday's expenses is on me. My final army 'allowance' is only about 200+ (300+ minus 100 for insurence)

Brought wrong solution for Candy; she sounded extremely pissed and slammed the phone on me.

And on top of everything else, I am in dire need to buy working clothes for work this coming future.

...

Something stirs me whenever I see 三少 spending so easily with their money, in comparison to me when I even had to ponder so deeply whenever I patron the canteen. And when I succumb to my growling hunger and purchase an economical breakfast, it has to be such a way that it adds up no more than two dollars.

The consideration of a rare breakfast treat for myself would go something like this: 'Hmm, if I skip the wings, my opportunity cost would be an egg and a tua kwa. Ok, I think I would take the latter.'

From a meal... I had to bring up the notion of 'Opportunity Cost'. And it is just a fucking average brunch that nobody would bat an eyelid.

Mum always look to me for finance answer because dad couldn't keep up with the rising cost incurr by the family. It has always been this way since young. And when I was young, I was the kind of child that buy toys for himself... with my own money... all my life. It was Lego at first... then it became Magic Cards... and now... it became underground clothing label/s. Grew up having to be responsible for myself... and that of others, I shed my feathers of ignorance almost without consciously knowing. Bro turned to cigg at a young age and wouldn't bother to quit - wasting health and money over the years and whenever he is tight with the cashflow, I would usually lend him, regardless how reluctant/tight I am.

In the past, bro wouldn't even bother about having no cash and spent extravagantly/unwisely in which he even had to borrow money to foot for friend's birthday present. Those year, I was more stable financially, but those good years was over.

But mum and bro still look to me for an answer.

EVERYBODY IS TURNING TO ME FOR AN ANSWER. FAMILY, LOVE, LIFE AND WORK... EVERYONE! EVERYONE EXPECTED ME TO HAVE SOLUTION AT HAND... BECAUSE I HAVE DONE IT BEFORE AND WILL BE ABLE TO RISE TO THE OCCASION. NOBODY SEES HOW MUCH SACRIFICE I UNDERTAKE TO PAINFULLY PRODUCE SOLUTION.

NOBODY.

NOT EVEN A FUCKING SINGLE SOUL.

AND WHEN THINGS SCREWED UP, THE REPERCUSSION BEFALL ON ME.

BECAUSE OF ME!.... BECAUSE OF ME!... BECAUSE OF ME!...

IT SEEMED THAT I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD AND THE WHOLE FUCKING NARCISSISTIC WORLD ONLY CARES ABOUT THEMSELVES.

Period.